


The World in Ashes

by Scarecrow243



Series: A World On Fire [2]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Deceit, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fallout 4 Spoilers, Graphic Violence, Lies, Love, Minutemen, Nuka-World, Pregnancy, Raiders, Revenge, Romance, Secrets, nuke-world spoilers, railroad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 09:18:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 57,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9228494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarecrow243/pseuds/Scarecrow243
Summary: Part Two of "A World On Fire."After escaping Nuka-World and making her way back to Sanctuary, Scarlett tries to find some stability and happiness in her old life in an attempt to make up for the mistakes of her past and paint a brighter future for her family. But Porter Gage doesn't want to give her up so easily, and his desperation to win her back leads him to commit some heinous crimes.





	1. Something To Fear

**Author's Note:**

> So, here's the first chapter to part two of "A World On Fire." For those of you who haven't, please read A World On Fire before The World in Ashes or else it won't make any sense.
> 
> Some of you might know that I started a new story called "Deep Into The Darkness" about a week ago, and while I thoroughly enjoy writing the piece and am excited for where it's headed, there is a popular demand for part two of "A World On Fire." So for right now, "Deep Into The Darkness" will be on hiatus until I mostly finish with this new story. Simply because I don't want to keep people waiting for too long and then have them lose interest in the story whereas "Deep Into The Darkness" is just starting out and can wait longer.
> 
> Now, I know that I have a tendency to post a few chapters a week, and I'm going to try and do that with this story as well. But it's unlikely that I'll be posting as frequently as before. "A World On Fire" was mostly written when I started posting, and even though I know exactly where the second part is headed, I just don't have as many chapters under my belt as the first installation when I started posting it. Also, there was a lot more to go off of. This second piece is all my own creation and not just filling in the gaps to Nuka-World, so it takes a lot more planning. So please be patient, and know that I won't leave you hanging for too long.
> 
> And one more thing before I let you go. I'm aware that the poem in the beginning was used in one of the Twilight movies/books for those of you who might feel the need to point it out, but it's not why I chose to use it. Robert Frost has been one of my favorite poets for a long time and Fire And Ice has been one of my favorite, if not my favorite, poems ever. I think the poem fits this story perfectly, much better than the freaking Twilight books. No offense to those of you who enjoy Twilight. Stephanie Meyer is a millionaire because of those books--I can't really hate.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. From what I’ve tasted of desire, I hold with those who favor fire. But if I had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate to say that for destruction, ice is also great. And would suffice. --Robert Frost  
       

        It’s been over a month since I’ve seen Gage. And I miss him terribly. Hi strong, handsome face. His deep, gruff voice. The way he whispers random, hilarious things in my ear before he falls asleep. And the way he holds me. So tight, like he never wants to let go. But these memories torment me. I feel like I’ve lost a part of me. A part that needed to be lost. An irradiated limb—one that I removed and now that it’s gone, the phantom limb sensation is nearly unbearable. Because I can still feel him. A part of him, growing inside of me.  
        My Gage. The only man who’s been capable of easing the pain of losing Nate. But with him, a new pain comes. A new pain…and a new hope for the future. A future he can no longer be a part of.  
        Which is why when Preston came storming into my home in Sanctuary to tell me of an incoming gang of raiders, I felt as though my heart stopped beating. “Why would a raider gang waltz up to a heavily fortified settlement with armed Minutemen and turrets lining the gates?” Macready asks. But his question only terrifies me more.  
        “They’re probably not here for a raid,” Preston says while looking at me, and for a second, I feel like he sees right through me. Like he knows I’ve done something terrible. “General, we’ve never seen this kind of behavior from raiders before. They’re organized, approaching in formation. And they’ve yet to fire a shot.”  
        “Well, then this should be easy,” Macready says, and I start to feel sick. I’m not sure if it’s my nerves, the pregnancy, or maybe a bit of both. And while I try to rationalize that it’s just another raider gang, a part of me knows better. “So, are we doing this?” Macready asks, but Preston already knows my answer.  
        “No. We don’t attack without reason,” I say, and Preston seems to approve. Surely his curiosity for their behavior getting the better of him as well.  
        “Isn’t being a raider reason enough?” Macready asks.  
        I stand and walk briskly out of the house with Preston at my side and Macready at my heels. A Minuteman approaches us, seeming unnerved. “General, we’re keeping them off the bridge, but the leader is demanding a word with you. He says he won’t leave until he speaks with the General of the Minutemen.”  
        “You told them she was here?” Macready snaps.  
        “They…they already know,” the man stammers. Sounds like they’ve been scoping us out for a while. Must’ve seen you return last night,” the Minuteman says, and it only makes me feel even more anxious. More terrified to face “this leader” of the raiders. Because if it is Gage and he knows about me and Macready, I can’t imagine this will go well.  
        There’s no way, I tell myself while running up the steps to the eagle’s nest. Our gates are too high—no one can see into Sanctuary. When I reach the top, I grab the binoculars from the guard and look outward toward the bridge leading to our front gates. “Oh God,” I breathe heavily at the sight of Gage with a gang of Operators behind him.  
        “What’s wrong?” Macready asks, having followed me up to the nest.  
        I lower the binoculars. I feel like I can’t catch my breath. “Macready, I need you to stay up here and…keep…keep the leader in your crosshairs.”  
        He moves into the barricade of the eagle’s nest, raising his rifle as he does. “You got it. Just give me the signal and I’ll blow his brains out…”  
        I grab his gun and pull him back forcefully. “Do not shoot him,” I say, a bit too revealing of my emotions. Horrified at the thought of seeing Gage killed. “I mean it, Rob. Don’t even have your finger on the trigger.”  
        He hesitates to speak. “What’s going on, Scarlett?”  
        I shake my head. “Nothing.” But he doesn’t believe me. “Look, I’m going out there to talk to him. And if you shoot him, I’ll be right in the middle of a fire right, all right?” He nods, but he still seems skeptical. “This is all…just…precaution.”  
        “All right, but what if he tries something?” he asks.  
        I don’t suppose he will. Hell, he might. But I can’t have Macready getting trigger happy prematurely. And I can’t be standing right in front of Gage if Mac does decide to pull the trigger and end his life. “You can shoot then, but only on my signal. And, uh…don’t…don’t shoot to kill.” I exit the nest and climb down the stairs where Preston and a few Minutemen await their orders.    “You,” I point to one of them while walking briskly toward the front gate, and they follow. “Sound the alarm. Make sure all the children and elderly, the sick and wounded make it to the cellar,  and then I want you down there with them. You,” I say while pointing to another. “Make sure everyone gets to their post. And let them know this isn’t a drill.”  
        “Yes, ma’am.”  
        We make it to the gate as the alarms begin to sound, and I take a moment to compose myself. But no matter what I do, I can’t control my breathing, and my heart won’t stop pounding.   “Hey, General! Come on out now! You and me need to have a chat!” Gage shouts from across the bridge, and I feel like I’m going to vomit.  
        “Everything okay, General?” Preston asks, and I swallow hard to keep myself from hurling. I nod. “Yeah, I’m…I’m fine.” I scan the group of Minutemen surrounding me. “Guns hot, everyone.  Wait for my signal, and, uh…no lethal shots. Nobody’s dying today.” I give them a moment to fully comprehend my orders. “Open the gate!” I shout.  
        “Uh, General? Preston says while grabbing my arm. “What if they open fire on us?”  
        I consider and then shake my head. “Trust me, they won’t.”  
        The gates begin to open. A slow, painful process, and once they doors are parted enough, our gaze moves outward across the bridge where Gage and his raiders wait for us. With Preston at my side and a few Minutemen behind me, we exit the gate. But the sight of Gage and his raiders moving forward puts me on edge. “Stop!” I shout, and they do.  
        Gage is quiet for a moment. As if awaiting further instruction, but I’m at a complete loss. It seems unnatural being this way with him. “We just gonna shout back and forth to each other? Or are you gonna let me come closer?” he shouts.  
        I consider, and Preston’s intense gaze only puts added pressure on me. “The center of the bridge!” I yell. “Just you!” Because I can’t risk my men knowing about Gage and Nuka-World.  
        “And how do I know you won’t attack if it’s just me?” he shouts back.  
        “You don’t. But you’re the one who wants to talk so bad.”  
        I detect a chuckle from him, and the sound makes me grin. “All right,” he says. “We’ll meet in the middle. Leave the weapons behind.” Sounds fair. “You bring one of your men, I’ll bring one of mine to pat each other down.”  
        I look to Preston and then tip my head forward and the two of us begin approaching the bridge. Gage hands his weapon off and begins walking forward with an Operator at his side. And every step I take, my heart starts beating faster and faster until I feel as though I might pass out from the adrenaline pumping through me.  
        The two of us stop in the middle, our eyes meeting for the first time in over a month, and Gage can’t hide a grin. I try to look away from him as I hold my arms outward for the Operator to pat me down, and Preston moves forward to check Gage. But the entire time, his gaze burns into me. And I feel my face growing hot. “He’s clear,” Preston says and backs away, but I’m still being frisked, and this Operator gets a bit handsy. I roll my eyes. Such an embarrassment.  
        “All right, that’s enough,” Gage gripes while grabbing the raider by the collar and pulling him back. He looks to Preston. “Head on back with the other sheep,” but Preston seems reluctant.  
        “It’s okay,” I tell him.  
        “Any of your men set foot on this bridge, we’ll take it as a threat. You’re welcome to to do the same,” Gage says as he pushes his escort back.  
        I look to Preston and nod, and he retreats back to the other side of the bridge. I debate telling them to close the gate. But if I do and something goes south, I won’t have time to find cover before I’m shot. A sacrifice I’d be willing to make in order to protect my settlement before, but the nausea I’m feeling is a constant reminder that I have another life to worry about. And if I die, that life goes with me.  
        When our escorts make it back to their appropriate sides of the bridge, I hesitate to look at Gage. He doesn’t seem nearly as angry as the day in the transit station. If anything, he seems pleasantly surprised, and dare I say happy? “Hey you,” he mutters.  
        I fold my arms across my chest as a cold chill shoots up my spine. “What do…what do you want?” I ask, but I almost don’t want him to answer. Because I know whatever it is, I just can’t abide.  
        “I just wanna talk to you, Scarlett. We never…got a chance to talk about this. You just ran off without so much as an explanation, and…it’s been hard for me to accept that.”  
        I already want to cry, the bastard. “We have nothing to talk about, Gage,” I say quietly, somber. Because he knows exactly why I left. And this conversation, we’ve had before. Not entirely under these circumstances, but a month has passed since what happened, and Gage is smart enough to have figured it all out by now.  
        “Come on, Scarlett. I came all this way to talk to ya. Least you can do is hear me out.” I consider. “You know, I was real pissed off the night you left. I had half a mind to grab a group of raiders and storm our way through the gates of Sanctuary that night. But then some sense came to me. I figured it was best to let you cool off for a bit. I two weeks, Scarlett. Two weeks, hoping you’d change your mind and come home. But you never did,” he says, and the despondency on his face is enough to break my heart. “I decided to come find you. Convince you to come home.    But you weren’t here. For another two weeks, me and my men have been setting up camp in the forests surrounding Sanctuary. Waitin’ for any sign of you. And hell, I was about to give up.    Realized that you probably wouldn’t come back here, or if you had, you’d been long gone by now. But then you showed up last night. And what are the chances that on our last night of camping   out in the woods, you’d show up?” he says, clinging to a bit of hope. Perhaps some kind of higher power letting us both know that we were destined to be together.  
        “You got Mags and William to agree to let you take their people on a stakeout for two weeks without any reason to believe you’d be successful?” He shifts uncomfortably, and I almost don’t even want to know. “Oh my God. You’re Overboss now, aren’t you?”  
        “Just until you come back,” he says delicately while taking a step closer to me. As if I might feel some kind of betrayal from him, stepping up to assume my position. But when I pull away,    Gage steps back. A pained expression on his face. “I, uh…I managed to diffuse the situation back at Nuka-World. The gang bosses believe you had to come home to check on your kid and   your…militia. That you’d be back soon, but that you had to keep up appearances with the Minutemen and all.”  
        I scoff. “You’re really good at telling lies, you know that?”  
        “And if that came from anyone else, I might find it as a compliment.” I glance over his shoulder to the Operators. They still think I’m loyal to them and just keeping up appearances with the  Minutemen, thanks to Gage. “Look, I know you’re pissed at me. But it ain’t no reason to throw away what we got, Scarlett. We did things to each other that weren’t right. Things that made us  angry, but it ain’t a big thing. And ten years from now, we’ll probably still be pissing each other off. But I know this can work. Just like I knew moving the gangs into Nuka-World could work.”  
        I chuckle. “I guess you do have pretty good judgement about that sort of thing.”  
        He laughs. “Yeah, I guess I do.” We’re quiet for a moment, and he studies me. A slight smile spreading across his face and that glimmer of hope in his eye. “You look good, Scar. Healthy.”  
        “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”  
        “Oh, come on, now. I didn’t mean anything by it. Just…last time I saw you, you weren’t lookin’ so hot. Suffered a bit too much from the radiation in the Gauntlet, I suppose. You know, I was impressed with you having made it through that thing the first go. But a second time?”  
        I scoff. “That thing is child’s play.”  
        “Heh heh…now that’s what I’m talkin’ about. That right there is one of the reasons I fell in love with you.”  
        “You don’t know what love is.”  
        “How can you say that to me? Everything I’ve done since the day you walked into the Gauntlet has been for you. Every decision I’ve made, every move…”  
        “No. It was so you could get what you wanted out of me.”  
        His eye narrows. “You’re wrong. Sure, I kept things from you. Thought it best to wait until you were on my side before I revealed my plans to you. But I did it to protect you. Because if the gang leaders knew the truth…knew you weren’t gonna give ‘em what they wanted…then you’d end up like Colter. And I couldn’t have that. A world without you seems a very cold and unwelcoming place. And I just don’t want to live that way anymore.”  
        I want to cry. Goddamn pregnancy hormones. And as much as I want to relent—give in to him, run into his arms and tell him that I love him, that I’ll be his forever, I just can’t. The damage, it’s already been done. I’m pregnant with his child—a child that deserves a better life than he can offer. And things have only become more complicated after dragging Macready into the mix. And I can’t break his heart. He doesn’t deserve that. “I can’t,” I say weakly.  
        He exhales heavily, clearly growing irritated with my reluctance. And the more time I spend on this bridge just me and him, the more uncomfortable I become. The more I start to wonder if my people are connecting the dots. Because if this goes on any longer, they’ll see right through us and know that this isn’t a typical negotiation. “Can’t or won’t?” Gage barks.  
        “Both.”  
        He studies me for a moment. “And what if I told you I was done with this whole raider lifestyle. That I wanted to go out to the coast with you just like we talked about? What would you say then?” he asks, and I hesitate to shake my head. Because I know he won’t do that. Sure maybe he’d try, but it’ll never make him happy. “No?”  
        “It’s too late, Gage.”  
        “Well, excuse me, but I’m not just gonna give up on you so easily. I can’t bring myself to accept the fact that nothing can be done to win you back.” He’s growing more frustrated, and I’m growing impatient. “Come on, Scarlett. This whole ‘hard to get’ thing is endearing up to a point…”  
        “There’s something wrong with you,” I say, astounded. A complete and total narcissist. A manipulative, selfish individual, and I don’t understand how I love him so much.  
        “Stop acting all high and mighty,” he snaps while taking a step closer to me. “You…you love me. And that means there’s something wrong with you too. Right? Because…how else could you? There’s something inside of you, something you’re fighting to let free. And it’s that part of you that never wants to let me go…” he says, but it sounds like he’s trying to convince himself more than me.  
        “Or maybe there’s something good in you.”  
        He sighs and then shrugs. “Yeah, maybe. But you ain’t givin’ me the chance to show it to you.”  
        “Mom!”  
        The sound of Shaun’s voice makes my heart drop into my stomach. I look over my shoulder to see him running through the group of Minutemen at the gate. “Shaun, stop!”  
        Preston goes to grab him, but Shaun’s too fast. “Any of your men set foot on the bridge, it’ll be an all-out war!” Gage warns, and Preston retreats, giving Shaun the perfect opportunity to run onto the bridge and closer to me. And I feel like I might die. Because I don’t know what state of mind Macready is in now that Shaun is involved. And I can’t organize my thoughts fast enough to think of a plan. “Shaun, go back inside,” I demand as he comes closer. I try to escort him back, but he weaves out of my grasp, his eyes intently focused on Gage the whole time. A look of absolute hatred. “Shaun…” I quiver and grab his shoulders to pull him back into me.  
        “Well, hey there, kiddo,” Gage says. “Damn if you don’t look just like your mama.”  
        I try to pull Shaun back behind me, but he’s scary strong and fights to stay in place. “What are you doing here?” he asks Gage. “Are you here to kill my mom?”  
        “Nah, you have nothing to fear. I’d never hurt your mom. I love her too much.”  
        “So you’re here to take her away then? You can’t do that. I just got her back.”  
        Gage kneels down in front of Shaun. “Look, kid…you caught me. I am here to convince your mama to come home with me. But it just so happens that I want you to come with us.” I tighten my grip around Shaun and try to pull him back, but he fights to stay in place. Like he’s hell-bent on killing Gage himself.  
        “Shaun, go back inside…”  
        “Why would we go anywhere with a raider like you?” Shaun snaps.  
        Gage chuckles and glances up at me. “He’s got your spirit. Gonna be a good leader someday,” Gage says and then focuses back on Shaun. “The truth is, Shaun, that I love your mama very deeply. And I hate seein’ her living like this, scraping for food, struggling to survive out here in the Commonwealth. Where I live will give her and you a much better life.”  
        “Gage,” I warn.  
        “Oh yeah?” Shaun asks. “And where’s that?”  
        “Nuka-World,” Gage says, as if it’s the most wonderful thing on the planet. “You’d really like it, Shaun. There’s rollercoasters and an arcade that you can plan in any time you want. And you’d have so many friends out there. Lots of people looking out for you, protecting you. And it’s built like a fortress, so you’d never have to be afraid of an outside attack ever again.”  
        “That’s enough, Gage,” I snap.  
        “I’m not afraid of anything,” Shaun says. “And I’m not going anywhere without Macready.”  
        Ah shit. “Shaun, please…go back inside, now…”  
        “Who’s Macready?” Gage asks.  
        “Shaun!” I snap while pulling him back.  
        But Shaun has piqued Gage’s interest. And he grabs Shaun’s arm. “Who’s Macready, Shaun?”  
        “Let him go, Gage,” I warn. Because I just don’t know if my orders will stand with Macready if he sees Gage holding Shaun’s arm.  
        “He’s the best shot in the Commonwealth. He can kill a super mutant from a mile away, and he can do it blindfolded,” Shaun says.  
        Gage chuckles and releases his arm. “A super mutant, huh? That’s a pretty big target.”  
        “You know, I’d leave if I were you. Because he’s had you in his crosshairs since you set foot on the bridge,” Shaun says, and even though I assume he’s trying to threaten Gage, revealing that information to him makes me wince.  
        Gage’s gaze drifts toward Sanctuary, no doubt trying to pick out Macready, and then he looks at me. As if I betrayed him in some way by having a sniper focused on him. But he doesn’t even know the meaning of the word. “That’s enough, Shaun,” I snap while pulling him away, and finally, he relents. “Get back inside the gates,” I demand as he starts walking away from us, looking over his shoulder to us as he does. And it’s the greatest feeling of relief.  
        “Nice meeting you, Shaun. I hope to see you again soon,” Gage’s cool, low voice says from behind me, and when I turn to face him, he’s standing once more. A look of utter disappointment on his face. “It seems you have me at a disadvantage.”  
        I sigh. “Gage…you’ve been at a disadvantage the moment you set foot in the Commonwealth.” I turn to him completely, ready to knock his head off. “And don’t you ever grab my son again.”  
        I hate what we’ve been reduced to. The man I’m in love with stands before me, and the only thing I can do is threaten him if he tries to close the gap between us. But seeing Gage grab on to Shaun like that, it made me feral. But Gage’s disappointed look, it fades into malice. “I love you, Scarlett. Don’t do this.”  
        “We’re done here,” I say…hardly any conviction in my words. I start backing away from him, nervous to turn my back on him when he’s feeling so angry. “Go back to Nuka-World. Please, Gage. It’s the last thing I’ll ever ask of you.”  
        I turn away from him midway between the bridge and the gate, but I’m shaking. And my heart? It’s breaking more than ever before. “So that’s it, then?” he calls to me. “Well, have fun fuckin’ up the rest of your life. At this rate, I guarantee it’s gonna be a short one!”  
        His words shake me to my core, and I look over my shoulder to him. Though it seems he regrets what he said, and before the two of us have a moment to consider taking back the horrible things we’ve said, Minutemen race past me, their guns pointed right at Gage. And within seconds, raiders find their place on the bridge.  
        “He threatened the General…” I hear one of them say.  
        “Get back, get back!” A raider yells.  
        “Stand down…stand down!” I shout, but Preston escorts me back through the gate, and as much as I need to look away from Gage—the very sight of him being pushed back by my own  Minutemen breaking my heart—I don’t. We can’t look away from each other. The situation escalated far too quickly, far past the point of no return. And in this moment, I feel more connected to  him than I have in a long time. Because through our intense gaze, I sense regret. In both of us. And it’s as if we both are saying “I’m sorry.”  
        I’m escorted to the Minutemen convention room setup in one of the old houses from the pre-war era. A place where all our important meetings are to take place, and Preston insists I stay inside with two armed-guards at the entrance until everything cools down out front. But it feels like the time passes much slower than normal in this moment as I sit on one of the benches, clinging to the edge of the seat and listening carefully for the sound of gunfire.  
        I want to cry. Or puke, both desires being in equal measures and so strong that I’m not sure which will come first. The door bursts open and Macready enters. “Are you okay?” he asks, and  I barely have the opportunity to stand before he pulls me into a tight embrace. “Jesus, I heard that he threatened you. You should’ve just let me kill that raider scumbag.”  
        I pull back to look at him, and I’m able to calm myself a bit. “So he’s…he’s alive?”  
        Macready sighs. “Yeah…nothing really happened. The Minutemen chased them off, but…I get the feeling they might return at some point. Because I assume by the way things ended, you didn’t give them what they wanted?”  
        I shake my head, disturbed by the realization. It’s really a fucked up situation. Because what Gage wants is what I want. I want to be with him forever. But I just can’t. Looking at him, it makes me sick to my stomach. But being without him, it breaks my heart. And knowing that I hurt him probably far beyond repair just now torments me. Even though he deserves it.  
        Preston enters shortly after, and I pull away from Macready. “Report?” I say weakly.  
        “They’re gone for now. But they’ll probably come back,” he says.  
        “So…what now?” Macready asks.  
        “General, for what it’s worth, I think that if they do come back, we should assume their presence to be a major threat and open fire immediately,” Preston says. “The raider boss threatening you just pushed us into threat con delta.”  
        “No,” I say, disturbed by their intentions.  
        “No?” Macready asks, appalled.  
        “Trust me, we don’t want to go to war with these raiders. If they attack, we will defend ourselves accordingly. But only if they attack. We’ll need to hold a meeting to discuss these this with the other Minutemen…”  
        “And what makes these raiders so special? So different from all the others we’ve put in the ground?” Macready asks, and I’m not sure what to say. Because I still feel I can’t reveal my history with these raiders to Macready or Preston.  
        “You saw them, right? They’re organized. Not foolhardy like the others. And I…I have a feeling that if we attack them, we’re only going to have a bigger problem on our hands.” They don’t seem convinced. “And…he didn’t threaten me. Not really.”  
        They’re quiet for a moment. “Okay,” Preston speaks. “I’ll spread the word about the meeting. Tomorrow morning sound good?”  
        I nod. “But we should…up our defenses from here on out. I want three men manning each post during the day…and two instead of just one for tonight.”  
        “Yes, ma’am.”  
        Preston leaves Macready and I after that, but the silence between the two of us makes me feel even more unnerved than I already do. Because I feel like he sees right through me.    “Scarlett…is there something you’re not telling me?” he asks.  
        I think for a moment. No, I can’t tell Macready about Nuka-World. But I can’t continue pretending I don’t know Gage. “Sort of. But it’s only because I don’t want to…concern you with such matters.”  
        “What matters?” he asks, and I can sense the fear in his voice. And if I tell him that Gage and I are in love, it’ll destroy him.  
        I shake my head and narrow my eyes. “It’s nothing, I just…I know him.”  
        “How do you know him?” he asks.  
        “We, uh…” I hate lying. I’m not that great at it, to be honest. Never really did anything I felt so ashamed of that I felt the need to lie about afterward. “He helped me out of a rough spot a few months ago. Took pity on me, and…I told him I’d return the favor someday. I guess he chose now to come calling.” I hate myself. Though not completely a lie, it’s deceitful. And I’m slowly starting to realize Gage’s state of mind when he lied to me for the time he did.  
        “So what does he want?”  
        I can’t think of anything to say. Provisions? Caps? But none of those things seem to live up to the passionate display between the two of us—even if Macready only witnessed it from afar. “Look, I, uh…I don’t want to talk about this right now. I have…a lot on my mind, and…” I clear my throat. “I, uh…I need your help with something, Rob.”  
        His expression softens. It never fails. Ask a man for help, they suddenly forget all the reasons they have to be upset or even suspicious. “Sure, okay. Anything you need.”

        Shaun and I sit at the dining room table while Macready stands over us. Shaun, looking guilty as sin, and me too, I’m sure. But Macready’s attention isn’t on me. It’s on my boy. The young child he’s been looking out for in my absence, and I feel that a disciplinary talk will mean more to Shaun coming from the man he idolizes. The one he’s spent more time with than his own mother lately.  
        “What were you thinking?” Macready snaps.  
        “I just wanted to help.”  
        “And you thought the way to do that was by running out there during a negotiation, scaring me and your mom half to death?” he asks.  
        “You weren’t gonna do anything! You said you’d always protect her. But when the time came, she was the one in danger and you just sat up in your tower.”  
        The two of us fall silent. Us somehow forgetting that we’re dealing with a synth child—one much smarter than an average boy his age. One that lives without fear—though I’m not sure if that’s in his programming or if he gets it from me. Macready sighs and places his hands on his hips. “Look, Shaun…you have to understand…that’s just how me and your mom operate. Always has been. And you’ll realize one day when you’re a bit older that a partnership only succeeds when you play off of each other’s strengths.”  
        “He’s right, Shaun. You said it yourself. Macready could down a super mutant from a mile away blindfolded. And I have a way with my words.” I glance at Macready, a grin spreading across my face. “I’m the brains, he’s the brawn.”  
        “Eh…I don’t know if that’s really saying much, but I think he gets the picture.” Macready pulls out the chair next to Shaun and sits. “You know that if I ever really felt she was in danger, I’d be right there by her side. But that’s my job, not yours. Next time…why don’t you let me take care of your mom.”  
        “And what am I supposed to do? Run and hide like all the other kids?” he asks.  
        “Absolutely not,” Macready says. “I taught you how to use a gun. So now it’s your job to protect those other kids. They don’t get it, bud. They don’t see the world like we do. Not practical about this sort of thing. But you are. And next time, I want you to be right there with them looking out for them. And looking out for Duncan. All right?” I’m entrance by Macready. He certainly has a way with children, and I can only assume it’s because of his upbringing. Being on his own for as long as he can remember, living in a community known as Little Lamplight where only children were accepted.  
        It’s strange. My first impression of Macready would never lead me to believe he’d be the type of man who could raise a child. But now after knowing him—getting through to his more genuine, tender side, it all makes sense to me. And I respect him more than ever in this moment.  
        “Yeah, okay,” Shaun says.  
        Macready stands. “I’m gonna go grab Duncan from Curie. Maybe now might be a good time to introduce the two of you,” he says to me. “You’ll be here, right?”  
        I nod. “Yes. I’m not going anywhere.”  
        Macready nods and then glances to Shaun before exiting the house, leaving the two of us in awkward silence for a while. I nudge him. “You doing okay?” He nods. “You know, I had everything under control back there. How about having a little faith in your mom next time, huh?”  
        “Is that man the reason you left before?” he asks, and I’m horrified by his inquiry.  
        I hesitate to speak. “N…no, he’s not…”  
        “You love him. I could see it in your face.”  
        I scoot closer to Shaun and grab his hands, forcing his attention on me completely. “Shaun, never say that again under any circumstances. Do you understand me?”  
        “Why not?” he asks.  
        “Because…I don’t think you know what that means. And saying that…it could hurt a lot of people. It could be a very, very bad thing. All right?”  
        “I know what love is.”  
        I’m skeptical. He’s a child, albeit a synthetic one. And I’m unsure of the extent of his knowledge on such a complicated subject. “I know you do, but…there are so many different kinds of love. There’s the love a mother has for her child, the love you have for a friend, the love you have for a parent, a spouse…”  
        “But you love him like you loved dad,” Shaun says, and I’m stunned. And just from hearing him say that, I feel my eyes burn.  
        “How would you know something like that?” I ask.  
        “Because he was my dad. And you’re my mom. And you made me. So that means you had to love each other.”  
        “Shaun…”  
        “I used to hear you cry over him at night. But now you’re crying for that other man.”  
        “I’m not crying,” I say weakly as a tear falls down my face.  
        Shaun pretends not to notice. He looks away from me, deep in thought. Straining to come up with some conclusion, it seems. “You don’t love Macready that way. But he loves you like that. Are you gonna try? Because I like him.”  
        What the hell is going on right now? I don’t even know where to begin with him, but I’m so astounded by this creation sitting in front of me. And I feel like I can’t lie to him even if I tried. Like he’d know the truth. Like he’s some sort of higher power—being an omniscient presence in my life. “Yeah, I’m…I’m gonna try.”  
        Shaun sighs. “Good.” He stands from the table and disappears down the hall, leaving me feeling completely and utterly perplexed, guilty, and even more heartbroken than before. Because this child can see how much I love Gage after only a short interaction, I fear my grief for letting him go might be so much worse than I expected.


	2. Far From Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two to "A World On Fire."
> 
> After escaping Nuka-World and making her way back to Sanctuary, Scarlett tries to find some stability and happiness in her old life in an attempt to make up for the mistakes of her past and paint a brighter future for her family. But Porter Gage doesn't want to give her up so easily, and his desperation to win her back leads him to commit some heinous crimes.
> 
> *The trouble continues to build outside of Sanctuary Hills.*

        It’s been three days since I met with Gage, and Sanctuary Hills waits on bated breath for some kind of attack. An attack that I know deep down inside of me won’t happen. At least, I don’t want to believe it will. Despite how angry Gage must be with me, I don’t ever expect he’d want me dead. Which is exactly what would happen if the raiders did decide to attack. Sure, I might not be the intended target—at least to kill. But he and I both know I wouldn’t stand idly by while my settlement is ripped to shreds.  
        I remain distracted in these three days. I keep myself busy, patrolling the walls to assure there are no weak spots. And I do my best to put on a brave face for the people under my protection. It’s not that I’m afraid. I’m heartbroken. And I want more than anything to know Gage has made his way back to Nuka-World. Some sort of affirmation that he’s safe behind the walls of his fortress. But I just know it’s not the case. And I’m not sure how long I can keep up the appearance of me loathing him. Because every night, he’s the only thing on my mind. I even find myself clinging to Macready and closing my eyes to pretend it’s him.  
        I’m a terrible person.  
        “Why do you do that?” Macready asks through a chuckle while I tighten my arms around him and bury my face in his back.  
        I hesitate to answer. I didn’t expect he’d question this kind of behavior. “Do what?”  
        “Squeeze me like that. You’re crushing me,” he chuckles. I release him and roll onto my back, chastising myself for having gotten carried away in my thoughts of Gage.  
        “Sorry, I…won’t do it anymore.”  
        Macready turns to me. “No, I like it,” he says while pulling me into him again. “I just never would have guessed you’d be the affectionate type. But it’s like a vice grip.”  
        I give him a grin, but I feel the despondence in my eyes. He’ll see something’s wrong if I keep looking at him. I shake my head and pat his chest. “I just…need comfort, I guess. I don’t really know…”  
        “Hey,” he says while bringing his hand to my face, prompting me to look into his eyes as they grow tender and his amused expression fades into concern. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. You know that, right?”  
        “It’s not that…”  
        “Then what is it?” he asks delicately. “You’ve been distant since those raider came.” He considers. “Or is it…what we did the night before all that?”  
        “Distant? You just told me I hold you too tight,” I laugh and a smirk spreads across his face. But his amusement is short lived as he runs his fingers through my hair.  
        “No, I just mean…you seem distracted. I’m just hoping that you don’t regret taking this step with me.” I don’t even know where to begin. And I know I shouldn’t with him. There are some things people should know and some things they shouldn’t. And then a thought crosses my mind, one that’s been lingering since seeing Gage. The reasons he kept all those secrets from me. It’s the same reasons I keep these things from Macready. The truth only brings pain. I start to empathize with Gage. I’m certain what he went through was no easy feat. And when I discovered the truth about everything—the initial truth anyway—his world came crashing down around him. I only hope I have the means to keep my secrets buried. “You look like you need a distraction.       Something to get your mind off things,” Macready says, and I smirk.  
        “Oh yeah? What’d you have in mind?”  
        A wry smile spreads across his face as he moves on top of me, and I force a smirk. To let him know that I want this to go further—even though I feel like I’m cheating on Gage. But this is the way it has to be, I tell myself. And as much as I miss Gage, my affection for Macready grows stronger by the day. Maybe because of the pawn he plays in my own selfish game. A way out of the nightmare in which I’ve created for myself. My knight in gunmetal armor.  
        Macready’s lips brush against mine. “There are so many things I’ve wanted to do to you, Scarlett,” he whispers. “I just don’t even know where to begin.” A chuckle escapes him and I pull his mouth onto mine, kissing him deeply, intently. His warm, soft kiss makes me feel loved, adored. Gage’s kisses, they made me feel desired and feral. And I loved that about him. But Macready continues to prove that he’s the more tender lover.  
        I don’t know if Gage just doesn’t have that in him or if he just doesn’t care to be gentle with me. Maybe he thinks I like the pain, the roughness, which I do coming from him. But this gentleness unleashes a whole new side of me—one I haven’t experienced since before Nate died. A much stronger sort of bond—the kind you share with someone you’ve known your whole life, even though Macready and I have only known each other for five months. It feels so much longer than that. Perhaps it’s everything we’ve been through together. Taking out the Gunners at Mass Pike, getting the cure for his son. Or that he was the one holding my hand when I discovered the sick truth of the Institute.  
        Macready and I have always got along. We hit it off from day one, and building our friendship came as natural to us as breathing. So I can only assume that even if I hadn’t gone to Nuka-World, eventually, we would have been in this very same situation. At least I tell myself that. Because it somehow makes me feel better. That I’m not just using him.  
        “Stay with me, Scarlett,” he whispers against my lips, his eyes studying me intently.  
        I hesitate. “I’m right here.”  
        He pushes my hair out of my face, a look of concern on his. “You’re off in your own little world right now. What’s the matter?”  
        Shit, I don’t know what to say. But I’m at that point where when someone asks you what’s wrong, the floodgates open. And I can’t fight my face contorting into an awful sort of expression before a sob escapes me. “I…I lost your duster, and it looked so good on you.”  
        “Okay…stop crying. It’s not a turn on.” I compose myself, but I’m ashamed that’s the best I could come up with. I’m such a lousy liar. “Come on, Scarlett. I don’t care about that ratty old thing. Wasn’t even sure why you wanted it so much.”  
        “It smelled like you,” I whine.  
        He laughs. “I forgot how emotional women can be.” Yeah, pregnant women. I sniffle and try harder to gather myself because I’m ruining the moment. “Do you want to just get some rest? Call it a night?” he asks, and I shake my head.  
        “No, I…I don’t want to sleep. Not just yet.”  
        He seems skeptical. But when I lean up and press my lips onto his again, he doesn’t resist the gesture. He falls back into me, lowering his body onto mine while deepening the kiss. And for a brief moment, my mind wanders to Gage. Oh, how I wish to be kissing him right now. But the thought makes my eyes shoot open. To try and anchor myself into the situation—the reality of everything. No, I don’t want to kiss Gage. I have Macready. My best friend and favorite companion.  
        But that isn’t going to cut it. Not tonight. That feral beast inside of me is aching to be freed, not having been released in over a month. Oh God, Gage was so good at bringing that out of me. His sexy, king of the raiders thing. The raider veteran in him—the darkness that terrifies me and entices me all at the same time.  
        I pull my lips away from Macready and try to refocus my thoughts. “You okay?” he asks through heavy breaths, the closeness between the two of us having excited him enough already. And me too…if I could only stop thinking about Gage.  
        I nod and swallow hard. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I glace down to his body now hovering over mine. His firm, toned abdomen moving in and out with every breath. The bulge growing in his pants.  His arms flexed beside my head as he holds himself up. And the look in his eyes. Lust and love in equal measures. Here I have this…mercenary in between my legs, willing to please me—do anything for me. And yeah, that’s hot. “You wanna do a little…role playing?” I ask, and I feel my face getting hot from embarrassment for even asking. Kind of like when I asked Gage to do this for me, although I don’t suspect Macready will be as terrifying.  
        “Role playing?” he asks, and I nod.  
        “Yeah, it’s like…you know, we pretend to be other people in some…made up situation, and…you know…”  
        He seems interested but also confused. “Okay…what’s the situation?”  
        “Um…you’re a mercenary. And…I need you to…kill someone for me, I dunno. But…I don’t have enough caps to pay you…”  
        He raises an eyebrow. “No caps, no kill.”  
        I roll my eyes and try to turn away from him, embarrassed for even mentioning the idea. Macready’s too young—I doubt he’s had a lot of sexual experiences in his life. “Forget I said anything…”  
        “Hey now, come here,” he says while grabbing my arm and pulling me back beneath him. He’s quiet for a moment, thinking intently about something. And when he looks into my eyes, a whole different person stares into them. There’s a bit of coldness in him. “Look, you want someone dead, I’m your guy. But without proper payment…this could get a little messy.”  
        I consider. “What do you propose?”  
        He runs his thumb over my lips and a chill shoots up my spine. “Well, I guess that depends on how bad you want this person gone. You don’t have enough caps, but…maybe we could…work something out,” he says, and my eyes widen. What a natural. “Is this…what you want?” he asks.  
        I nod. “Yes, just…don’t break character.”  
        He nods. “Okay…” but he seems flustered.  
        I bring my hand to his face. “Tell me what you want me to do, baby. I really need this person gone.”  
        His confidence seems to come back to him a bit. He leans up on his knees and throws our blankets aside, and I can’t help but admire his lean, toned figure. “Touch yourself for me. Show me how bad you want this done.”  
        It’s a little unnerving, pleasuring myself in front of someone else. And when I reach my hand into my panties to do as he asks, I feel a bit vulnerable for a bit while he watches me. Because that’s all he does. Sitting up on his knees, looking down at me. But when he bites his lip, I know he’s thoroughly enjoying watching me do this. And then it starts to feel really good. A moan escapes me. “You better be every bit as good as they say you are.”  
        “I’m the best there is,” he says. “You just keep doing what you’re doing. And tell me how you want it done.” I’m not sure what he means. Like, the fake kill or the sex? He leans over me though and starts kissing my stomach. “Do you want it…slow and painful?” he asks, and his warm breath on my stomach makes me quiver. “Quick and easy?”  
        “Slow and painful,” I say as he kisses my hips—my knuckles brushing against his chest as I keep pleasuring myself, just like he asked.  
        “Sounds good,” he says. “But that’ll cost extra.” He leans up again and grabs my underwear to tear them off of me and toss them aside. Then, he grabs my wrist and moves my hand to the mattress—keeping me from touching myself any further.  
        He uses his knees to kick my legs further apart and then lowers himself in between them. And when I feel his tongue brush against that sensitive, sweet spot of me, I gasp. “Oh my…” I lean upward. An involuntary reaction from the shock and the immense pleasure coming very unexpectedly. This sort of thing, not at all what I’d expect from Macready.  
        “You want me to kill this guy, you should just lie back down and enjoy the ride,” he says. And I’m stunned by him. Because I honestly expected him to demand I be the one pleasuring him.    Especially since I kind of made it the easiest it could be. I lower myself back down on the bed, and only when I’m relaxed does he run his tongue over me again. “Mmmm…” he growls. “It’s been  so long since I’ve tasted a woman as sweet as you.”  
        I can’t contain a smile. “I like this side of you,” I breathe heavily.  
        He pulls away momentarily to run his finger over my clit, and I just can’t resist the urge to pick my head up and watch him for a moment. His eyes meet with mine. Filled with desire. A dire need building inside of him, and I never thought he could become so aroused by pleasing me for such a short amount of time.  
        He sticks his finger inside of me and starts pleasuring me with his tongue again. The perfect amount of pressure and gentleness while running his tongue over my clit, and when he inserts a second finger inside of me, I can’t contain a moan. “Oh, yes…”  
        “I don’t usually make this kind of deal. But anytime you need someone to do your dirty work, you come find me. I’ll do anything you want me to so long as you let me do this to you first.” I grab his hair and force his mouth further onto me, and he moans in delicious pleasure. Though it’s nothing compared to what I’m feeling.  
        His mouth devours me, and his fingers move in and out of me, faster and harder until I feel that buildup in my core and from where his tongue continues to stimulate. My legs start shaking, but his free hand on my thigh steadies me. I never would have imagined him being so good at this type of thing. But it seems he has a lot of surprises up his sleeve.  
        I close my eyes and lean my head back on the pillow, but each passing second brings me closer to orgasm. And then…like some sort of dark cloud following me around, Gage comes to mind. And I bite my lip to keep from calling his name. But it’s the thought of Gage that really sends me over the edge.  
        I grab fistfuls of Macready’s hair and moan loudly from that buildup of tension being released from me, and the thought of Gage makes it even more intense. Only, in this moment, I don’t feel guilty. How can I mid orgasm? “Oh…oh, yes…” I whine while grinding my hips further onto his mouth, and he takes all of me, very willingly.  
        But the door to our room opens. “Mom?”  
        “Shit!” I grab the blankets and cover myself as best I can while Macready climbs to his knees and then stands. But I’m in full blown panic. “Shaun…go…go back to bed!” I demand.  
        “Okay, but…can you keep it down?”  
        I’m at a loss, and when Shaun leaves and closes the door behind him, I want to die. Like, I’ve never wanted death to take me more than in this moment right now. I’m flustered, face red, still having an orgasm, but so completely and utterly guilty for it now. “Oh my God,” I bury my face in my hands, but a chuckle coming from Macready grabs my attention. “This is not funny,” I say sternly.  
        “Yeah, but what can we do?”  
        “We need a bigger house.” I say while standing and walking into the bathroom. “And a door with a damn lock!”  
        I can’t sleep that night. But instead of Gage being the reason for my insomnia, I can’t stop thinking about Shaun and what all he saw when he came into our room. And just like all the times before I went off to Nuka-World, I cringe at the thought of seeing him the next day. Because I’m not really sure how to approach the situation. It’s moments like this where my longing for Nate really consumes me.  
        “We have to talk to him,” I say while sitting on the edge of the bed the next morning as Macready gets dressed for the day.  
        He groans. “Do we have to?” But I don’t appreciate his readiness to back out of being a “step-father” when the going gets tough. Even if he isn’t Shaun’s step-father.  
        “How would you feel if you walked in on your…well, parents going at it?”  
        He considers while pulling on his jacket. “Well, for one, I didn’t know my parents. So it’s hard to say. And for two…” please don’t say what I think you’re going to say. “We weren’t really…going at it. I’m sure he has no idea what that was about. I mean, I was fully clothed, and…you were mostly clothed.”  
        I’m relieved that he didn’t pull the “I’m not his father” card, and I can’t help but smirk at his attempt to rationalize the situation. But the conversation with Shaun can’t be avoided. I used to read a lot of parenting books when I was pregnant with him. And I’ve taken a few psychology classes along the way to getting my degree. I’m no therapist, but I have a feeling that pretending like nothing ever happened might be a bad thing.  
        Shit, but he’s a synth. And I’m not even sure if he can suffer from the long term effects that might come with seeing that sort of thing. But if not for his sake, then my own. I guess as a way to try and justify things. “We really do need to talk to him, Rob.”  
        Macready sighs and slings his holster over his back. “All right. You lead, I’ll follow,” he says, leaving me even more unimpressed. I mean, he’s the guy. I feel like Shaun might want to hear from him over me. “What? That’s the arrangement, right?” he asks. “You’re the brains, I’m the brawn?”  
        Throwing my own words back in my face. “Fine, let’s just…get it over with.”  
        We enter the kitchen to see Codsworth tending to Shaun and Duncan, giving them breakfast and anything else they might need. Sweet Duncan. The sickly little boy who bears a striking resemblance to his father.  
        “Miss Scarlett,” Codsworth says as I enter, but my eyes drift to Shaun. Eating his breakfast, not even acknowledging the two of us as we enter the room. “Will you be wanting the usual, mum?”  
        “Uh…no, thank you. I’m not hungry.” I lower myself into the chair next to Shaun, and Macready passes into the kitchen, keeping his eyes on me the entire time while leaning on the counter.  I guess waiting for me to begin. But when I look to him, he diverts his attention to Duncan.  
        Macready clears his throat. “Hey, Codsworth…can you take Duncan and help get him dressed in something warmer? It’s supposed to be chilly today,” he says.  
        “Yes, sir. Come along, Duncan. Let’s get out your cold weather clothing.” We wait for the two to leave the room, and then awkward silence ensues. I look to Macready again, and he shrugs. I really shouldn’t have expected any more from him. The two of us, although having technically been parents for some time have yet to really spend any time acting as parents.  
        “Hey, Shaun…we’d like to talk to you about what happened last night,” I say delicately, and he looks up at me, curious. “About what you walked…what you walked in on.” I cringe and glance to Macready again. A grimace on his face, and I can’t help but feel like I’m blowing this whole thing. Jesus, we’re not ready to be parents. “Do you…know what that was about?”  
        “Sure. You guys were having sex.”  
        I’m stunned by his candor. “Well, not exactly…” Macready begins.  
        “He doesn’t need to know the details,” I interject. “Look, Shaun…you have to understand that…when two grownups love each other very, very much…they like to express that love in a…more, kind of…well, physical way.” But Shaun just continues to stare at me, stoic. I’m not really sure how to continue. “Do you know…what sex is?”  
        “It’s how grownups make babies. Am I going to have a baby brother or sister?”  
        Yes. “No, that’s…I mean, yes, that’s why adults have…well, it’s not always…”  
        “Can I go play with Dogmeat now?” he asks, and I’m at a total loss. So I only nod. And once Shaun is out of the room, I feel like I can breathe again. But man, I never expected to suck so much at this whole parent thing. Another sign that Nate truly was my better half.  
        “I can’t believe you actually went the whole…’when grownups love each other very, very much’ route,” Macready says, and I’m ready to bite his head off. Because he was literally no help at all. Not a good sign of faith for being a father to my children.  
        But I guess it’s better than how Gage would’ve handled the situation.  
        I run my hand over my face and stand to leave the kitchen. I need a few minutes to myself, and I’m pleased that Macready doesn’t follow or pry.  
        I enter our room and close the door behind me before sitting on the edge of the bed again, lost in thought about what just happened. And honestly, more than anything, I want to cry.   Because now I’m starting to realize that maybe I’m not fit to be a mother. Maybe I never was, and now that the world as I knew it has ended completely, maybe I’m so far removed from  anywhere slightly resembling motherhood to even consider having another child.  
        But it’s not like I can back out if I want to.  
        Minutes later, a knock comes to the door. “Come in.”  
        Macready enters looking rather somber, and I wonder if maybe he’s had the same thoughts as me after our conversation with Shaun. But he hands me an envelope. “This came for you last night. Preston just dropped it off.”  
        I hesitate to take it from him. But when I do, I stand and move to the window while ripping it open to keep it from his prying eyes. Because there’s only one person it can be from. I unfold the piece of paper, and scribbled along the center are the words WE NEED TO TALK. RED ROCKET STATION TOMORROW EVENING. COME ALONE.  
        I sigh and fold up the paper again. “This came last night?” I ask.  
        “That’s what Preston said. Why, what’s it say?” he asks, but my mind wanders to the note. Tomorrow evening. Meaning this evening. And I’m in no way prepared to handle Gage. And even worse, no one will ever let me go to this meeting alone. Which is certain to annoy him. Though I’m not sure what he’d expect. “Scarlett?” Macready speaks, pulling me back to reality.  
        “Uh…the leader of that raider gang wants to talk.”  
        He’s quiet for a moment. “So they’re still here.” Yes, it would appear so, and the thought makes me sick. “Are you going to talk to them?”  
        An exasperated sigh escapes me. “No. No, we don’t negotiate with raiders.” And Macready seems to share my sentiment. And while I’m firm in my decision not to meet with Gage, mostly because he weakens me to the point of time I see him, it doesn’t change the fact that with each passing hour of the day, I become more and more anxious. And as the sun begins to set over the mountains, the only place I find to deal with my anxiety is up in the eagles nest with the sniper on duty.  
        “Can you see the Red Rocket Station?” I ask while leaning on the barricade of the nest, arms folded across my chest. The sniper moves a bit and adjusts the sights on his rifle.  
        “Yep,” he says while lowering the gun and handing it to me. “From right here.” He pulls me into position, and I lift the gun to focus toward the station. But it doesn’t allow me to see a very large area. Mostly just the gas pumps. “See anything?” the sniper asks.  
        My hands start shaking, so I try to calm myself in the way Gage taught me. And even though I can’t make out a lot of details, I can make out enough. “No. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t there.” Knowing Gage, he wouldn’t just stand out in the open. Especially if he made the trip solo. I expect he did since he asked me to come alone. Seems a bit beneath him to ambush me. “Is this the only angle we can get?”  
        “From this far? Yes, ma’am.”  
        I sigh and lower his rifle. “Okay. Keep a lookout for anyone coming at us. I assume my missed appointment might spark some heated tempers.” He gets back into position and I climb down the stairs leading to the vantage point. And even though the sun is setting and most of the settlers are returning to their homes for the evening, it’s something I can’t do. Not just yet.  
        I make my rounds, checking in with the guard posts to assure they have everything they need. And when I make it to the front two posts, I linger for a bit, trying my best to get a view of the Red Rocket Station. It’s all but dark now though, and the faint glow from our gas lamps lining the bridge leading out of Sanctuary does nothing to illuminate the darkened path ahead.  
        I’m growing tired, groggy. But I can’t return home yet. Not with the looming dread I have that Gage might retaliate in some way. That maybe I’ll have angered him to the point of an attack, and I just can’t leave my men at their posts alone without knowing he’ll let things go. At least for the evening.  
        I sit in one of the chairs at the guard post, trying to determine when the time will be when I feel it’s safe to leave the guards. Because it feels like I’ve been waiting forever. The sun set nearly two hours ago, and I’ve yet to hear anything from Gage. “Hey, General. Ready to call it a night?”  
        I glance down at the ground below the post to see Macready looking up at me with a smirk. “Ugh, sorry. I just…want to make sure nothing’s going to happen out here.”  
        He nods. “I saved you a plate in case you’re hungry.”  
        The gesture is touching, and I smile warmly at him. But the sound of gunshots and explosions in the near distance puts me—all of us—on edge, and within seconds, Macready is by my side and grabbing a nearby rifle in case the attack on us becomes imminent.  
        “Everybody hold,” I say, but the tension among all of us is stifling, and we wait on bated breath for the sound of battle to draw nearer. My heart is pounding though, and the only thing that dominates my mind is that Gage got himself caught in a fire fight at the Red Rocket Station, waiting for me to show. I almost can’t catch my breath at the thought that he might die because I wasn’t there when I should have been. That I wasn’t there to have his back. “Is it coming from the station?” I ask anyone in general, terrified to hear the answer.  
        “No,” Macready says, and I look at him. “It’s too distant. Sounds like it’s coming from Concord.”  
        Shit, those god damn Gunners that somehow managed to escape my mind completely. And now I can’t help but think Gage and his men were ambushed while making their way back to Nuka-World, maybe now having realized I won’t speak with him. No matter the situation, I can’t help but feel Gage is in danger, and I feel that annoying knot growing in my stomach. The one that’s been the cause to me vomiting in secret every morning since my return.  
        We hear a man shouting in the distance followed by more gun fire. And then the scene falls silent. And now, the only thing I can hear is my own heavy breathing while looking out into the darkness for any sign of threat. Or any sign of life.  
        But our wait seems to take forever, and just when I think the coast is clear for the evening. That we won’t be having any unexpected visitor, the figure of a man staggering out of the darkness onto the far edge of the bridge makes my heart skip a beat. “Gage,” I gasp. Oh God, he’s hurt. I should have just met with him.  
        “Scarlett, don’t…” Macready begins.  
        I jump the stairs leading to the guard post. “Open the gate!” I shout, and it takes everything in me to keep the shakiness from my voice. The gates start to open. The longest I feel it’s ever taken, and I slip through the smallest sliver I can to make it out quicker.  
        I run onto the bridge toward him as he falls onto the ground, and the sight makes me want to scream. But the closer I get, the clearer the man becomes. The more the gas lamps paint a better picture of him, and I stop within feet of him. It’s not Gage at all. A wounded gunner, the same one who showed mercy to Curie and I. But blood gushes from his abdomen and from his mouth. He tries to speak, but his own blood chokes him.  
        “Jesus…” I study him for a bit, disgusted. A white envelope with blood around the edges is pinned to his chest. And when I see that damn piece of paper, I know Gage is to blame. And it sends a cold chill up my spine.  
        I grab the envelope and tear it open.  
        I’M A PATIENT MAN, SCARLETT. BUT MY PATIENCE IS WEARING THIN. WE’LL TRY THIS AGAIN. TOMORROW AFTERNOON, RED ROCKET. COME ALONE.  
        I look out to the darkness ahead, wondering if he’s there, watching me. Waiting to see my reaction to his chilling note. I feel the gunner’s hand on my boot, and I step back from him and glance to the darkness once more. I feel like someone’s watching me.  
        It’s not like me to leave a wounded man for death. But I remember what that gunner did to Curie and I. Sure, he let us live. Let us pass through Concord. But he did take all our supplies and leave us with one gun and one bullet. So I don’t feel guilty leaving him on the bridge to bleed to death. I feel no guilt whatsoever. Disgust, however, runs rampant through me.  
        I chastise the part of me that regretted not meeting with Gage. To ever think he wouldn’t have come out on top, because that’s what he does. And now having used a dying man to deliver a message to me, it chills me to the bone. And I can’t help but feel my reluctance to play nice might be affecting him in a much worse way than I ever anticipated. Surely, this is the side of him he tried to keep from me. His raider side, coming out to play and take what he wants.  
        I stay on guard practically all night with Macready at my side, and even in the morning, the storm has yet to settle as Preston has urgent news for me. Something he wishes to discuss as I barely had the opportunity to crawl into my bed and get a few hours of sleep.  
        So there we sit, Macready and I exhausted in the conference house with Preston and another Minuteman in charge of supply lines at Sanctuary. “The supplies never made it to Oberland Station,” Preston says, and it’s really the last thing I need right now.  
        “When was it sent?” I ask.  
        “A week ago.” So before I even made it back to Sanctuary, which means I never even had the chance to warn them that Concord most likely wasn’t a safe passage anymore. But a week ago, that’s a long time. And trying to determine what happened to the caravan in between Sanctuary and Oberland Station could take months. It’s our longest supply route, and who knows at what point something could have happened.  
        “Shit.” I think for a moment. “What about our other caravan? The one going to Tenpines Bluff? Did they make it?”  
        Macready scoffs. “If the first didn’t make it, I wouldn’t hold out hope for the second. We need to get rid of these raiders, Scarlett.”  
        “That route doesn’t go through Concord. It goes around,” I say, hoping to somehow sway the conversation. Because we’re not sure what happened exactly. We don’t know if Gage was involved or the Gunners, though I can’t imagine something else happened. We’ve made that trip numerous times without any problems.  
        “We haven’t heard anything from Tenpines, so until we do, we’ll assume the supplies made it out there,” Preston says.  
        Nevertheless, it gives me all the more incentive to actually meet with Gage. If what he said was true about being near Sanctuary a few weeks before myself, it’s very possible his raiders are to blame. Or it’s possible the Gunners took out our caravan.  
        “Okay…” I begin. “Send the word out. Sanctuary Hills is on lockdown. Nobody leaves without my permission. No supplies going out, and unless someone is part of our own supply line, they’ll be turned away. Because I’m just not sure if we can get a message to our settlements in time to keep them at their base.”  
        “We have artillery, General. We can organize an attack on Concord by tomorrow.”  
        I hold up my hand to silence him. “No, we won’t be doing that. I still haven’t gotten over the guilt of doing that to the Brotherhood. The collateral damage, it’s…too great.” I sigh and stand to make my way out of the house.  
        “General?” Preston calls, stopping me from retreating to my own home, and I’m growing frustrated and much too tired to deal with much else. “What about the raiders?”  
        I think for a moment. “I have a meeting with their leader later. But I need rest. Just try and keep the place from burning down for a few hours.”  
        This isn’t the life I planned to have when I decided to return to Sanctuary Hills. I expected to find peace here, a chance to relax and take care of myself for the sake of my baby. But I’ve hardly slept since returning home. I’ve hardly eaten, and my lethargy from the pregnancy is starting to take its toll. Despite having a few hours to kill before meeting with Gage, I hardly find the peace to get but an hour or two of sleep. But the sight of Macready soundly sleeping beside me is a bit of relief. Because I can sneak out to the Red Rocket Station without him insisting he escort me. Something I’m certain Gage would not be pleased about.  
        By the time afternoon rolls around, I’m a nervous wreck. Preston insists he comes with me, but I tell him it’s not a good idea. Still, he can’t abide sending me on my own. Tells me that raiders can’t be trusted, and even though Gage wants me to come alone, I shouldn’t count on him being alone. The perfect opportunity to ambush the General of the Minutemen, he says. But he doesn’t know Gage. Still, as a way to calm his nerves, I agree to bring Curie with me. He’s still not pleased, but he relents. And we make it out of the gate before Macready has a chance to wake and stop me.  
        I feel like my heart is fluttering as we near the gas station, but before getting too close, I grab Curie and pull her back a bit. “Something wrong, Madam?”  
        “I need to ask something of you,” I say nervously, and she seems concerned. “Look, whatever happens here…you have to promise me you won’t say anything about…my condition.”  
        “I’m not entirely certain of your reasons behind trying to hide this beautiful miracle. The time will come when you won’t be able to anymore.”  
        Yes, she’s absolutely right. And if I can’t convince Gage to leave soon, he’s going to know everything. Which is exactly why I’m here. “Yes, I know, Curie. Just…” my mind races. Because she absolutely can’t know my true reasons for hiding this pregnancy. “It’s a sign of…weakness. Do you understand?”  
        “I think so. A pregnant mother can be seen as vulnerable to this kind. An…easy target, yes?” she asks, and I nod.  
        “One of the many curses of being a woman.”  
        “I won’t say a word,” she says, and I feel a bit calmer. Though I can’t imagine she’ll keep her mouth shut if she felt my life were in danger. It’s something she does—trying to appeal to one’s better nature. So I’m really hoping Gage is able to control his tempter.  
        We continue on to the gas station, and as we approach, my eyes fall on Gage, leaning on the building, and from what I can tell, he’s alone. Jesus, the sight of him breaks my heart. Every time I see him, my heart aches. And the expression on his face as his gaze drifts to me, it goes from tender—a bit of happiness—to displeasure within seconds.  
        “What the hell’s this?” he asks while pushing himself away from the wall of the building. “I told you to come alone.”  
        Curie and I stop within feet of him. “I’m sorry, Gage, it just wasn’t possible. Sanctuary Hills is on lockdown. It’s a miracle they even let me leave.”  
        “Don’t give me that bullshit. You’re the General, you make the rules.”  
        “We’re not a dictatorship.”  
        He studies Curie for a moment. “Fine. But why don’t you and I head inside while your friend here stays on lookout,” he says, more of a demand than anything, and I nod to Curie. She seems highly skeptical of Gage though, and I can tell she doesn’t like me being alone with him one bit. But she says nothing.  
        “Shall we?” I ask while motioning to the doorway.  
        “After you.”  
        Sure, having Gage walk behind me puts me on edge, but my rational mind assures me he won’t do anything to me. That I’m probably safer with him than most.  
        We walk into the back room of the building, and I turn to face him. Looking over his shoulder to assure we’re far enough away before focusing back on me, that tender gaze on his face again. “You feel sick or something?” he asks, and I’m confused for a moment. It’s only then that I realize I’ve had my hand over my stomach for lord knows how long.  
        “No, I’m…I’m fine,” I say while tucking my hands behind my back.  
        He’s quiet for a moment, and I’m starting to wonder if he expects me to lead the conversation. “Why didn’t you show yesterday?” he says before I can even get a word out about the missing caravan.  
        “I didn’t want to see you, Gage,” I say delicately, and my response disturbs him.  
        “Uh huh…and now?” he asks, and I contemplate. Try to think of a way to approach the situation without angering him.  
        “One of our caravans has gone missing. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”  
        “Hmph. That dead caravaner out in Concord sure looked suspicious.”  
        I’m appalled at his cavalier nature. “You son of a bitch.”  
        “Hey now, I had nothin’ to do with all that shit. God damn Gunners must’ve got to ‘em…” he says firmly.  
        “And you expect me to believe that? Two weeks’ worth of supplies just…gone, and I’m supposed to believe that a gang of raiders that have been scoping us out for almost three weeks had nothing to do with it. Our settlements need those supplies, Gage…”  
        “I already told you, it wasn’t us. You really think I’d take out one of your caravans when I’m out here trying to win you back?” he asks, and I’m not sure how to respond. “So this is the thanks I get for wiping out all those damn Gunners for you, huh?” he says while leaning in the doorway, folding his arms across his chest as he does.  
        “What?” I ask. “That wasn’t for me.”  
        “Sure it was. I’m sure a town full of Gunners posting up so close to your…home base might’ve put you on edge. I know it wouldn’t put me on edge.”  
        “So that’s where you all are hiding. You’ve taken over Concord.”  
        He chuckles. “We ain’t hidin’, Scarlett. If we were, I wouldn’t have told you that. But yeah, I feel like our presence in the Commonwealth might last longer than I originally…anticipated.”  
        I scoff. “And why’s that?”  
        “Cause I still don’t have you. I already told ya, I ain’t goin’ back to Nuka-World without you. So I figured setting up a base in Concord is the best way to spend our time while you think on things for a bit. Maybe get some supplies comin’ from Nuka-World. Hell, we’ll have a fully functional outpost by the time winter rolls around.”  
        “You…can’t have Concord.”  
        “Why not? It ain’t yours. Not…Minutemen territory.”  
        “You wouldn’t know, would you?” I nip, and his eye narrows at me.  
        “I know a lot more about your settlements than you think, Scarlett. Don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes here. I know every piece of land under your control. And every available plot of land within a five-mile radius of those settlements, so don’t test me.”  
        I’m not sure if he’s bluffing. Because how would a raider like him be privy to that information? Still, he speaks with conviction. Either he really does know these things, or he really is just a fantastic liar. “If you set up in Concord, the Minutemen will attack,” I warn.  
        “On what grounds? Y’all sure as shit didn’t give a rat’s ass about a team of Gunners holing up out there for the better part of a month. But a raider gang that means you no harm? One that…in fact, can provide you with the protection and backup you need to avoid any sort of attack from here on out…and we’re the threat?”  
        “What’s the catch?” I ask.  
        “Ain’t no catch. I wanna keep my eye on you until you come to your senses.”  
        But that just won’t work. It’ll only be about a month or two until I start showing, and I can only imagine how Gage will react to such a thing. “You can’t stay here, Gage.”  
        “Last I checked, you weren’t my Overboss anymore. So you can’t order me around. I’m staying, Scarlett,” he says while moving closer to me, and I can’t help but cower beneath him. “All of us, we’re staying in Concord. And when the time comes you realize that you’ve made a mistake by running out on me, you’ll know where to find me.”  
        “So what’s your plan? Set up in Concord for however long, maybe through the winter. Maybe forever? And what about supplies? How are you gonna keep your men alive under those conditions? No caravaner will pass through Concord once word gets out.”  
        “Well, we sure wouldn’t mind some assistance seeing as how Sanctuary Hills is becoming one of the fastest growing settlements in the Commonwealth. And like I said, in return, we’ll guarantee protection from outside threats. And safe passage through Concord for all your supply lines.”  
        “You unimaginable bastard. You think you can dupe me into supplying your god damn outpost, you’ve got another think coming.”  
        “All this can go away, Scarlett. Just say you’ll come home with me.”  
        “That’ll never happen.” I snap.  
        Gage shrugs. “Your call. But know that if you send your men through Concord from this moment forward, they will be killed on sight. Every single one of them. Except you.”  
        “There are ways around Concord. Make no mistake about that.” I push past him to exit the room, our conversation not going anywhere and making no progress. I can’t help but think this is what the future holds. Failed negotiations until one of us gets fed up enough to open fire. But as I’m leaving the room, Gage grabs my arm and pulls me back. “Get off,” I gripe, but he slams me back into the wall, and it kind of takes the wind out of me.  
        “Come on, Scarlett. You’re acting like a spoiled brat right now…”  
        I shove him, but he grabs my wrists and moves into me, his forehead radiating heat against mine. And just the smell of him is enough to drive me insane. “Gage…”  
        “You made me fall in love with you. And now you’re breakin’ my heart. I should break your neck for all this shit you’ve put me through.” He kisses my cheek and releases my hands while making a trail of kisses down to my neck. I bring my hands to his shoulders to “try” and push him away. I’m not really trying though. His kisses, they’re intoxicating. “But I won’t do that,    Scarlett. I just love you too fucking much.”  
        He presses his lips onto mine forcefully. His soft lips against mine, the feeling weakens me. But this isn’t good. We can’t do this. And my fear that Curie can see us encourages me to fight a little harder to push him away. “Gage, stop,” I whine, but I hardly believe myself. And he definitely doesn’t. Because he doesn’t stop from pressing his lips onto mine again, opening his mouth wide as he does in a failed attempt to deepen the exchange.  
        “No man’s ever gonna love you like I do,” he whispers and grinds his hips into me. “And I know you still love me. Show me, Scarlett. It’s been too fucking long…” he grabs my wrist again and moves my hand over the bulge in his jeans. And a moan escapes him. He’s so hard, and I want him so bad. But Curie’s here…and of course, Macready…I can’t do this.  
        “No,” I whine and pull my hand away, but it doesn’t stop him from grinding himself into me. “Gage…Gage, stop…”  
        “Come on, baby. I need my woman now.”  
        He’s forcing my hand on this one. I bring my knee in between his legs hard, and he immediately double’s over in pain. “I’m not your woman anymore.”  
        He groans, and I shove him to the side to walk briskly out of the room and into Curie’s line of sight. “You’ll be hearing from me, Scarlett! Your newest pen pal!” he shouts as I make my way out of the gas station and grab Curie’s arm as I pass.  
        “What happened?” She asks. “Is it over?”  
        I look over my shoulder to the entrance of the gas station to where Gage comes into view, leaning in the doorway, watching me intently. “Far from it, I’m sorry to say.”


	3. Fancy Lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two to "A World On Fire."
> 
> After escaping Nuka-World and making her way back to Sanctuary, Scarlett tries to find some stability and happiness in her old life in an attempt to make up for the mistakes of her past and paint a brighter future for her family. But Porter Gage doesn't want to give her up so easily, and his desperation to win her back leads him to commit some heinous crimes.
> 
> *A new threat lurks outside of Sanctuary Hills, and Scarlett feels the need to join forces with Gage and his raiders.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit sexual language/Explicit sexual content  
> Graphic depictions of violence.
> 
> All right y'all, I feel the need to apologize to some for the graphic nature of the beginning of this chapter. I'm sure it'll make some of you uncomfortable, and I'm sorry for that. But I do feel it necessary to include this scene for many reasons. And if you're anything like me in that it takes a lot to make you uncomfortable/sick then you might actually enjoy this. Just bear with me here. My experience in writing comes from many years of writing horror, and some of you might be able to tell in a few chapters I've already written. But this one, it kind of takes the cake. While I feel there's nothing too graphic about this chapter, to some, it may make you feel a bit queasy. Anyway, I hope you can look past all that and find some meaning within the scene. Because there's meaning to be had and it's not just for the sake of making anyone feel sick.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

        I’m in a dimly lit room, and it takes me a moment to gather myself and realize where exactly I am. The Overboss quarters in Nuka-World, and it’s a terrifying realization. But I feel faint, foggy-headed. My own heavy panting and heart pounding in my ears is the only thing I can hear, and even that is echoed.  
        But a sharp pain in my lower abdomen elicits a scream out of me. a gut-wrenching cry for relief, and when I look down, I see a giant belly and blood smeared along my thighs. The sight…it makes me cry. “Oh my God…” But another sharp pain makes me scream again. I start writhing in pain, but I can hardly move. My wrists and legs are bound to the bed. “What’s happening?” I cry to myself.  
        “Hmph. She won’t last until morning,” a familiar voice nips, and I see Mags and William standing in the corner of the room, seeming disgusted.  
        “Hell, she won’t last another minute,” Mason says while entering my line of sight, and I’m horrified to see them, staring at me in my most vulnerable state.  
        “That sure is a lot of blood,” William says, and I start panicking. I lean my head back and close my eyes to try and disappear somewhere in my head, but the stabbing pain keeps me grounded, and I can’t stop screaming.  
        “You’re doing so good, Scarlett. Don’t stop now.” My eyes shoot open when I hear Gage’s voice. The expression on his face, it’s of no comfort to me. He looks despondent. Like he knows I won’t last. But he kisses my sweaty forehead, and for a moment, I feel relief. A brief escape as I drift away for a bit. But another sharp pain pulls me back into the room. And now, Gage is between my legs. And the amount of pressure I feel coming out of me, it’s unbearable.  
        “Stop!” I scream, but seconds later, I hear a baby crying.  
        I look to Gage, lifting this tiny baby into his arms. His hands, his forearms, my child—they’re covered in blood, and in his right hand, a bloodied knife. But the look on his face while staring down at the child in his arms, it’s a look I’ve never seen before. “It’s a girl,” he says, his voice sort of dreamlike. “You just made me the happiest man in the world,” he says while staring down at this little girl in admiration, but I start drifting away again.  
        When I see Gage hand my daughter to Mags Black though, I fight to stay conscious. “No…give me my baby!” I scream, but another sharp pain feels like it’s ripping me apart from the inside out.  
        “You’ve got another one in there, Scarlett,” Gage says while positioning himself between my legs again, and before I can even protest, that pressure, that pain…it takes over, and I scream louder than I ever have before. This isn’t right, I tell myself. This isn’t how it’s supposed to feel. Something is terribly wrong, and no one’s doing anything.  
        I scream again, but at the sound of another baby crying, I pick my head up. “A boy,” Gage says, and he can’t stop smiling even though it looks like he’s been crying. He admires the baby for a moment.  
        “Let me hold him,” I say weakly, but Gage hands him off to Mason. “Let me hold him!”  
        Gage looks at me, a faint smile on his face. “Thank you,” he says through a shaky breath. He raises his knife and stabs down into my stomach with such quickness and force that I shoot upward.  
        “No!” I’m panting. The room is dark, and I don’t know where I am.  
        “Scarlett?”  
        Someone touches me. “Don’t!” I shout, but when the light next to the bed comes on and my eyes fall on Macready, I almost start crying right then and there. I take a deep breath and bring my hand to my chest. Shit, it feels like I’m going to have a heart attack.  
        “What’s wrong?” he asks while grabbing my arms, and I bury my face into his neck.  
        “I just had…the worst nightmare…fuck, it felt so real.”  
        He wraps his arms around me, a heavy sigh escaping him as he does. “You scared me to death,” he laughs.  
        “It was…terrifying.” But pregnancy will do that to you. Vivid dreams. Mostly sex dreams, I’m happy to say, but every now and then, a nightmare like this one occurs. And I’m not sure if it’s because I’m scared something will go wrong with the pregnancy, or something will go horribly wrong with Gage. Like, he’ll find out I’m pregnant.  
        “Do you want to talk about it?” Macready asks, and I shake my head. He pulls me back down to the mattress, and I rest my head on his chest. “Try and get some more sleep. You haven’t been sleeping much these days.”  
        Yes, because either I’ll awake in the throes of an amazing orgasm, or my dreams will scare me into reality. A place I’d much rather exist in those circumstances.  
        But I’m too afraid to fall asleep until the light blue sky breaks through our tattered curtains and I start hearing people going about their morning outside. Macready wakes and moves slowly while I attempt to get a few more hours of sleep. But it’s not long before all of my boys are making a ruckus through the house.  
        Duncan crying, Shaun shouting, Dogmeat barking, Macready and Codsworth trying to get everyone set for the day, it forces me awake, and I groan while throwing the blankets off and moving to the edge of the bed. Christ, I really hope I have a girl. I can’t be surrounded by all these boys for the rest of my life.  
        It’s been two months since I’ve returned to Sanctuary. Two months of hiding away in the confines of our settlement. Two months of prolonging the inevitable between my men and Gage’s.   And it’s all starting to take its toll on me. It’s a weekly thing, getting a letter from Gage. Though he doesn’t always request a meeting, lately he’s been growing ballsier and sending me a flower  pressed into the pages. Sometimes the letters are short, succinct. He gets to the point, tells me about a possible threat incoming. Asks if we can spare water or food. Some letters he just asks to  see me, tells me that he’d like to hear from me and that my messenger won’t be harmed.  
        And then sometimes he just pours his heart onto the page, something I never would have expected him to do. Just…ramblings about how he’s feeling, and more recently, he closes them with a poem that other great men have written, no doubt coming across a slew of old literature in the library out there. It’s sweet though. And he says that he’s not creative enough to think of these words on his own, but it doesn’t make them any less true.  
        I keep all his letters in a box in a locked footlocker in my closet. But I’ve yet to respond to any of them. And I’ve yet to see him since our last meeting at the Red Rocket Station. I need to make moves though. Four months pregnant, and time isn’t slowing down.  
        I get dressed for the day, but after standing in front of our cracked, water stained mirror, I’ve come to the realization that I need to start wearing bulkier clothes. “Shit,” I curse while holding up my shirt and running my hand over my stomach. Just like with my first pregnancy, I’m going to be all belly. And normally, that would be a good thing. But a big belly and nothing else is an obvious pregnancy. Whereas if I gain weight all over, I could just be getting fat. Which is why after finding a stash of Fancy Lady snacks hidden away in our food supply, I’ve been stuffing my face unmercifully, assuring anyone nearby would be there to witness the event.  
        So far, it doesn’t really seem to be doing the trick.  
        A knock comes to the door, and I drop my shirt and scrounge around for a thicker jacket. Hell, even Macready hasn’t noticed my tummy starting to poke out. Mostly because I always keep my shirt on while being intimate with him. Or I ask him to do it from behind. But I can only keep this going for so long, and perhaps enough time has passed to let Macready in on the news.  
        “Come in,” I call while pulling my jacket around me, and when Macready enters, I smile at him. But my heart is pounding.  
        “Curie’s here. She says she needs to do a…checkup?” I roll my eyes, but Macready seems concerned. “Is everything okay? You’re not…sick, are you?” he asks while taking a step closer to me, but I turn away from him. Because I’m starting to feel even more vulnerable about my appearance. I don’t know if it’s in my head or I’m just being paranoid.  
        “I’m fine, Curie’s just…you know how she is,” I say through a laugh.  
        Truth be told, I’m terrified to tell Macready I’m pregnant. Because once I do, he’ll think it’s his, which was my intended purpose. But then that will officially close the book on Gage. And after being the recipient of his love letter for the past two months, I’m not so sure I’m ready to let him go completely. Maybe I’m romanticizing the idea of us being together again. Or maybe I’m just terrified to commit to someone again.  
        Either way, I need to decide. Because this pregnancy is progressing quite nicely. At least, that’s what Curie says.  
        “Your pregnancy seems to be progressing quite nicely.”  
        I sigh and lean my head back on the bed while she continues to palpate my stomach. The sound of Macready playing outside with the boys allowing me to relax enough to allow her to examine me. Because as long as they’re outside, they won’t overhear the conversation.  
        “I’m going to guess that there’s no way for you to…run a test and tell me if she’s healthy,” I groan. Another downfall of being pregnant in the post-war Commonwealth.  
        “She? Are you certain it’s a girl?” she asks.  
        I smirk and run my hand over my belly. “I just have a feeling.”  
        Curie smiles. “Well, your little girl is growing at an exceptional rate. And I don’t foresee any problems for you in the future. How did your first pregnancy go?”  
        I unwrap one of my Lady snacks and take a bite. “Fine. Smooth as butter.”  
        Curie winces and delicately takes the snack from my hand. “This isn’t the sort of food you should be ingesting, Miss Scarlett. Why don’t I make you something more…green?”  
        But the bedroom door opens, and I sit up halfway at the sight of Codsworth having been drawn on in some kind of marker enters. “Miss Scarlett, young Duncan seems to have run out of drawing paper. Would you happen to know where I can find some more for the young lad?”  
        I can’t contain a laugh. “In the hallway closet.”  
        “Ah, yes. The hallway closet…” he exits the room, mumbling to himself about something, and for a brief moment, I get a glimmer of what life could be like in the future. A bit of domestication—my biggest problem being that Duncan hasn’t learned not to draw on others or whether or not the baby needs changing.  
        After Curie’s finished with her exam, I make my way outside and pull my jacket tighter around me as a breeze passes through. It’s starting to get colder now that summer is winding down, and I have to admit, I’m pleased to know that the hardest parts of my pregnancy won’t take place during the scorching heat. I was pregnant with Shaun during the summer, and it was a killer.  
        I look to the playground area across from our house and smile at the sight of Macready playing with Shaun and Dogmeat. Duncan running to his father to show him his newest work of art, and Macready acting like it’s the greatest creation in the world. This scene, it warms my heart, and I feel the overwhelming urge to join them in their activities of the morning.  
        “General,” a Minuteman says, grabbing my attention from the scene. “This came for you last night.” He hands me an envelope, and I feel my heart flutter. Another message from Gage, but this one seems thicker than most. I hate to admit that recently, I’ve been growing eager to get his letters. Because what woman doesn’t like love letters?  
        “Thank you.” I glance to Macready and the boys again. Guilt overcomes me. Because I know I’ll choose the letter over them. And I wonder why I feel it’s more important.  
        I find a secluded bench near the outer-most part of the settlement. I’m surrounded by the concrete walls that keep any desirables out of Sanctuary with a clear line of sight to anyone who might approach. It’s the only place I feel it’s safe to read his letters. Because if anyone were to witness such an event, they’d know my heart belongs to the man writing these.  
        I rip open the envelope and unfold the two piece of paper. Just like with a few of the love letters before, I find a hubflower pressed between the pages.

_Scarlett,_   
_I don’t know what else to do. I’m not even sure if you’re getting these letters or if your Minutemen are hiding them from you. But, if you are getting them, just let me know. Please. Give me a sign or something. You don’t even have to write back, just…let me know somehow. This not being able to talk to you when you’re only a mile away, it’s killing me. I can’t sleep, Scarlett. I can’t eat. And most nights I stay awake, staring out toward the lights coming from Sanctuary, wondering if you’re thinking about me too._

_You have to be, right? I mean, if you loved me at all…like you said you did, you have to be thinking about me. At least that’s what I tell myself. I ain’t gonna lie, it helps get me through the day. Thinking that maybe you’re just too afraid to come back to me because you think I’ll hurt you or that your Minutemen will attack. But you have nothing to be afraid of. I swear that if you give me a second chance, I’ll do everything in my power to make you the happiest woman in all of the Commonwealth. And I’ll protect you from anyone who ever tries to come after us._

_I get why you’re upset with me. You have every reason to be, Scarlett. But I’ve learned my lesson now, and I think it’s time we put this all behind us. Life’s too short to hold grudges. And I don’t want to spend another second of whatever life I have left without you by my side. Because if I could take back all this shit I’ve ever done in my life…everything I knew would hurt you or disappoint you, Lord knows I would. But I can’t change the past, babe. So I guess that’s the best I can offer you._

_I don’t really know if I’m wasting my time here because you won’t talk to me. But I feel like I’m not. Because what we had, it was the best. And something like that, it only comes around once in a lifetime if at all. I don’t want to lose that. Unless you’ve found someone else over in your Sanctuary. Someone you’ve been carrying on with. The thought has crossed my mind more than I’d like. And it makes me sick with jealousy, thinking about you with another man. I get mad a lot, Scarlett. Do shit I probably shouldn’t in the heat of the moment. Please tell me this isn’t the case. That you haven’t moved on to someone else. I don’t think I could bear it._   
_I’m likely to kill any man who ever lays a finger on you. Remember that._

        A beautiful letter, but ending on a cold, foreboding note. Because if Gage ever finds out about Macready, things could get really, really bad for everyone involved. And I’m not sure what to do. Gage’s letters, they warm my heart. But they break my heart as well. For one, I never thought a raider would be capable of such intense emotions. And two, I feel the same way as he does, only I have something to lose if I go back to him. Something so big that I’m not even sure if being with the man I love is worth the loss of innocence of my child.  
        I wipe a tear away from my cheek and tuck the letter into my jacket before heading back toward the inner part of the settlement. But overcast has shielded the sun from warming our community, and a cold breeze blows through, chilling me to my core.  
Macready and the boys are no longer at the park—no doubt having taken them inside when any bit of warmth from the day faded away. “General,” the same Minuteman from before says while approaching me, and normally, I welcome his approach. Because it usually means Gage has sent a letter. But seeing as how I just got one… “This just came for you.”  
        He hands me an envelope, and I’m not only confused but afraid of what the letter might say. Maybe Gage has found something out about me. I tear it open and unfold the lonely piece of paper where only a few words have been scribbled along the center. BROTHERHOOD SIGHTED IN THE AREA. And my heart falls into my stomach.

        After what happened with the Brotherhood—taking out the Prydwen with our artillery—the remaining members of the Brotherhood have always posed a possible threat to not only myself but to the settlements under my control. It’s no secret that I’m the General of the Minutemen, and the Brotherhood has been aware of this since day one. We all anticipated another attack after the Prydwen went down. After the battle at the Castle. The battle that killed Hancock. Christ, my heart still aches when I think of him.  
        It’s been a few months since that happened though, and even though a part of me feels like Gage might be just telling me things to get a reaction out of me, deep down inside of me, I know it to be true. And the most terrifying part is that in the months past, they’ve certainly had plenty of time to gear up for a massive attack if necessary.  
        I call an emergency meeting with the higher ranking Minutemen of Sanctuary Hills, and of course, Macready joins. Because he can’t resist the possibility of going into battle. Hell, he hates the Brotherhood as much as any of us, his reasons still unclear. He said something about them being some kind of hot shot back in the Capital Wasteland. Hell, maybe he had a run-in with one of them. But I really think it’s because of what happened to Hancock. He won’t ever admit it, but Hancock was a good friend of his—despite all the zingers they used to throw at each other. To the point where traveling with them together just became a nuisance.  
        “We’ve received word that Brotherhood troops have been sighted in the area,” I say, and the people present look up at me, confused. Full of disbelief, I’m sure. Because according to them, the Brotherhood fell to the bottom of the food chain once the Prydwen went down.  
        “Received word from who?” one of them asks me, and I don’t really care to share my source. Because how ridiculous does that sound? Me trusting a gang of raiders?  
        “This, uh…letter came in from Concord.”  
        “Concord? You mean that raider camp?” Another nips. “Why would we trust them?”  
        I hesitate to answer. I’m not really sure how to go about convincing them that this lead is one that at the very least needs to be investigated. But they don’t know Gage like I do. Whether or not he’s lying, we need to speak with him. “It’s not really about trust at this point. Sanctuary Hills can’t take an attack from the Brotherhood. Not since we’ve been on lockdown. We’re short on supplies. Ammo, stimpaks. This threat is too great to ignore completely.”  
        “So…what? What’s the call here?” A Minuteman asks.  
        I glance to Macready, leaning on the wall at the back of the room with his arms folded. And I feel guilty as hell for doing what I think is only necessary. “I think it’s time we…pay a visit to our new neighbors.”  
        Macready scoffs. “The raiders? You can’t be serious.”  
        “Yeah, General, that doesn’t sound like a good idea,” one of my men chime in. “For all we know, this could be a trap to get us outside of Sanctuary.”  
        God, I’m losing them. “I have no reason to believe they’d…try and trick us…”  
        A Minuteman scoffs. “You mean other than the fact that they’re raiders.”  
        “Okay, that’s enough with all the raider talk. We’re the Minutemen, for Christ’s sake. We don’t discriminate. And we sure as hell don’t execute without probable cause. These…raiders haven’t done anything to us. They haven’t organized an attack, and none of us…” I’m getting flustered here. Because the more I defend them, the more I feel like I’m revealing too much. “None of us know of any sort of crimes they’ve…committed other than clearing out the Gunners in Concord for us.”  
        “They’re raiders. We know the crimes they’ve committed.”  
        “Do you have a better plan?” I ask, and the room falls silent.  
        “I think the General’s right,” Preston interjects. Thank God, someone’s on my side. “Raiders or not, they’ve only proven their usefulness to us since coming in to Concord. Getting rid of threats before they can make it to Sanctuary, clearing out the Gunners. I’m not big on trusting raiders either, but with a threat like this? The Brotherhood? I think we should take any intel we can get.”  
        And, of course, no one questions Preston Garvey. Why the hell he isn’t General, I’ll never understand. I glance around the room, waiting for any sort of objections, but they all remain silent.     “Right. Preston and I will take point on this conversation. We’ll have a team escort us to the Red Rocket Station, but…it’s prudent we go into Concord just the two of us. If a group shows up, they might take it as a threat.”  
        “I’m sorry, you’re taking Preston?” Macready asks, but I choose to ignore his comment while in the presence of the Minutemen.  
        “That’s all for now. Meet with Preston for your assignment.” I excuse myself from around the podium and make my way out of the house, but Macready is on my heels. As I knew he would be.  
        “Hey, stop walking away from me,” he says while grabbing my arm, and I turn to face him. He sure seems disappointed.  
        “I’m not…walking away from you. I just don’t want to have this conversation in front of everyone else.”  
        He nods. “Okay. But now that we’re alone, you wanna tell me why you’re taking Preston over me?”  
        Because I can’t stand the thought of Gage picking up on our relationship and killing you. “This is Minutemen business, Rob. I think it’s important for the Minutemen to handle it.”  
        He seems displeased. “So you’re gonna play that card then. Fine. I guess I’ll just stay in Sanctuary and wait for you to need me again. It’s not like I haven’t done that before,” he snaps and starts storming away, but I feel guilty as hell. Seeing him walk away from me, knowing I’ve hurt him in some way breaks my heart. I try to call out to him, but something inside of me stops me from pulling him back. Because I know that deep down inside, I’m doing this to protect him. And he just wouldn’t understand why.  
        After gearing up for our excursion, Preston and four other Minutemen meet me at the gate and we begin the walk to Concord. But the closer we get, the more nervous I become. To see  Gage, of course, but then there’s the possibility his raiders will just open fire on Preston. And if that happens, I’ll have to return fire. And then we’ll all be dead. But I’m probably just overreacting. Surely Gage expects me to reply to his message in some way. And sending a letter asking him to tell me the details of what his scouts saw just seem like a waste of time. All of us anxiously awaiting him to write back when we could just go ask him for ourselves.  
        Our men wait for us at the Red Rocket Station, close enough to hear if something goes wrong and they can storm in for backup. But my heart is pounding while approaching Concord, and the only relief I can find is shoving a Fancy Lady snack in my mouth. Nervous eating, I guess, at this point.  
        “I have to ask,” Preston begins. “What’s with the Fancy Lady snacks?”  
        “Because I’m fucking fancy.”  
        Preston snickers. “You certainly are, General.”  
        A guard post has been set up outside of Concord with two Operators standing guard, and as we approach, they raise their rifles to us. I stop dead in my tracks and grab Preston’s arm to pull him back. This isn’t a good sign. “What’s your business here?” one of them snaps, and it’s official. I’m no longer their Overboss. I can only imagine how well the gang bosses back in Nuka-World are taking the news.  
        “We need to speak with Gage,” I say. “He sent a message earlier, and…we need some clarification.” They discuss something among themselves for a moment and one of them runs off while the other keeps a watchful eye on us, pointing his gun at us the entire time.  
        “Maybe this was a bad idea,” Preston says.  
        “Just…hold on a sec.” But maybe he’s not wrong. Even if Gage agrees to see me—which, I’m certain he will—I can’t imagine he’ll allow the second in command of the Minutemen to pass through Concord. But when the runner returns and exchanges a few words with his partner, I’m amazed that they allow the both of us to enter.  
        We’re escorted through Concord to the main building where I first met Preston. And even though the town has been taken over by Operators, it doesn’t look much different than before other than a few fire pits spread along the sidewalks. After entering the building and gathering a few suspicious looks from raiders gathering on the first floor, our escort takes us up the stairs and to the office where I first heard of the Minutemen. Only this time, the room isn’t as warm and welcoming.  
        My heart skips a beat at the sight of Gage leaning on the window sill and staring out to the street below. “Gage, the Minutemen are here,” the Operators says.  
        “You can go,” he says, and our escort leaves us.  
        Looking at him, his back to me…it makes me feel tense. Like he’s disappointed for some reason, and I’m not sure what changed in the time he sent my love letter to now. He turns to face us and folds his arms across his chest, his eye narrowing at Preston as he does. “General,” he says, disgusted.  
        “Overboss.” I nod to him.  
        He hangs his head. “Why don’t the two of you have a seat and we’ll get to talkin’. I don’t think my men really appreciate y’all bein’ here, so it’s best we get this over with.”  
        I glance over my shoulder to Preston and the two of us move to the table in the center of the room to take the chairs next to each other. After we’re seated, Gage takes the seat at the head of the table and kicks his feet up. Just like he always does. But his eye is burning into me. He’s really not happy, and I can’t really blame him. This is the first we’ve seen each other in two months, and if it weren’t for his message about the Brotherhood, I wouldn’t be here at all.  
        “I got your letter…”  
        “Which one?” he nips.  
        I hesitate. “All of them,” I say weakly, and he doesn’t seem pleased to hear the news. Maybe he really was hoping I hadn’t received any of them. It would explain why I hadn’t responded.  “But your letter about the Brotherhood has caused some concern.”  
        “Yeah. I figured it might.”  
        “You wanna tell me what that was about?”  
        His gaze drifts to Preston, a pointed expression on his face. As if he’s ready to kill the man on sight. But then, he looks away from him and down at the table. “A few of my men were out hunting in the woods outside of Sanctuary. Spotted a camp set up nearby.”  
        “How do you know it was the Brotherhood?” Preston asks.  
        “You think I’m some kinda moron? My guys said they saw suits of power armor. And fancy little computers set up with some kinda…antenna. I don’t know who else has that kinda technology.”  
        “Did your men…hear anything? About a possible attack?”  
        Gage shakes his head. “Nah. But from what they could tell, it looks like they have alotta supplies with them. Crates full of ‘em. Either that means they plan on bein’ there for a while, or they plan on attacking someone sometime soon.”  
        “Either way, it’s bad news,” Preston says.  
        “You think?” Gage grumbles.  
        I sigh. “We can’t have the Brotherhood operating so close to Sanctuary and risk them calling in a Vetibird. We need to…remedy this.”  
        “Your call, General,” Preston says, and I look to Gage.  
        “Would your men be willing to lead us to this camp?” I ask.  
        Gage studies me for a moment. “Sure, General. Whatever you need.”  
        “I don’t think this is such a good idea,” Preston says. “This should be handled by the Minutemen. And joining up with the raiders just…it’ll put our people on edge,” Preston says.  
        “How else you gonna find ‘em?” Gage asks.  
        “I’m hoping you’ll be diplomatic enough to give us the location,” Preston says, and a booming laugh escapes Gage. One that sends chills down my spine.  
        “Diplomatic? That’s a good one.” He focuses on me again. “Look, our men are the ones who found this camp. And the only reason we haven’t already taken ‘em out is because we didn’t want to cause problems for you. But now that I know you want them gone, well, we want in on the action.”  
        “It’s not a good call, General,” Preston says.  
        “You don’t get to make that decision,” Gage snaps, and I feel both of their gazes turn to me. I consider. Sure, I want the raiders involved. Mostly because it’ll take some of the heat off the Minutemen. But also because Gage already seems irritated, and if I deny him the satisfaction of getting in on the raid, he might be harder to deal with in the future.  
        “Can we…trust your men not to turn on us?” I ask him.  
        He considers for a moment, and his pointed glare seems to soften a bit. “Yeah, you can trust us. We don’t want the Brotherhood pokin’ around either.”  
        “Really, Gage? I’m being serious here. A lot of innocent lives are at stake.”  
        “You think I’d do that to ya? Put you in harm’s way like that? Because if I know you, I know you’re gonna be the one leadin’ the attack. And I plan on bein’ right there with ya.” But I’m not so sure, and he senses this. He leans forward and reaches his hand across the table to me, and the only reason I pull back is because of fucking Preston. “You have my word, Scarlett. If that even means anything to you anymore.”  
        He breaks my heart. The look on his face, the sadness in his eye. “Okay.” I exhale heavily and stand, and Preston follows my lead. “We need to get a team together and get this done. Every minute that passes is another minute the Brotherhood has the upper hand.”  
        “I’ll send word to gather a team,” Preston says, and we head for the door.  
        “Hey, General? I need to have a word in private, if you don’t mind,” Gage says, and I hesitate. It isn’t a good idea, and I know that. But I’m in his territory. And pissing him off just doesn’t seem like a smart move. I look to Preston and nod.  
        “I’ll meet you at the Red Rocket Station,” he says.  
        “Thank you.” Preston exits the room, closing the door behind him as he does, and I’m anxious to even turn and face Gage, but when I do, a look of disgust is plastered on his face. “What’s wrong?”  
        “You’re fuckin’ him, ain’t ya?”  
        I’m appalled. “What?”  
        “Don’t give me that deer in the headlights look. I saw the way he was lookin’ at you. You’re fuckin’ him. That’s why you haven’t been responding to me. Refusing to see me. Admit it!” he shouts.  
        “No!” Jesus Christ, it’s a damn good thing I didn’t bring Macready. But he doesn’t believe me. I see it in his eyes. Gage stands and walks slowly around the table, closer to me. And I feel like my heart stops beating. But his anger gets the better of him. He grabs the edges of the table and flips it over, a sort of mighty roar escaping him as he does. It’s enough to scare me out of the room, but before I can make it to the door, I feel his hand on my arm.                                                                                                                                                                                      “Scarlett…” He pulls me back into him and brings his hand to my face, forcing me to look at him. His vulnerability and desperation dominating him completely. “Tell me it’s not true,” he begs.  “Don’t leave me here like this.”  
        I shake my head. “It’s not true, Gage. I’m not…sleeping with him.”  
        “But he’s your new second in command, ain’t he? You spend all your time with him?”  
        I feel my expression soften. “He was my second in my command long before you, Gage. But I’m not sleeping with him.” He looks like he’s on the verge of a breakdown, and for the first time ever, I start to see that Gage truly regrets everything that happened between us. The bad, at least. I can’t resist the urge to bring my hand to the side of his face. To soothe him in some way, because I truly hate seeing him suffer like this. And I don’t think I ever really understood that he was suffering until now. “I promise, I’m not,” I whisper.  
        He looks into my eyes, looking for the truth, I suppose. And he seems to find it. “God, look what you’re doin’ to me. You’re fuckin’ killin’ me, Scarlett.”  
        “I don’t want you to be in pain, baby,” I whisper to him.  
        He presses his forehead against mine and runs his hand through my hair. “Then come back to me.”  
        “Gage…” I try to turn my head away, but he pulls me back into him. His hand now moving to the side of my face and his lips hovering inches away from mine. His breath on my lips, it ignites that fire inside of me. The one only he can enflame. I open my mouth to speak, but Gage forces his lips onto mine. And as much as I know I need to pull away, having him this close, his soft lips against mine, it’s hard to fight. And I feel the strong urge to cry coming over me. “Gage, please…” I whisper, but he’s got me all kinds of messed up right now.  
        “Just shut up and kiss me, woman. I think I’ve earned that much.” He presses his lips onto mine again, and I give into him completely.  
        I open my mouth for him, and his tongue brushing against mine is a painful reminder of just how much I love being so close to him. Completely wrapped up in him. A slave to him. God, I want it so bad in this moment. Fucking pregnancy hormones—they have to be to blame. Or maybe I really am just so addicted to him.  
        I pull him further into me, our kiss deepening and becoming one of those sloppy, wet, passionate kisses we always used to share before ripping each other’s clothes off. Oh God, it feels so good having him so close to me, his body pressed against mine.  
        I wrap my arms around his neck, and he grabs my ass to lift me up. As if it’s all too easy to do. And with my legs wrapped around him, his body rubbing against me in that oh-so delicious way, a moan escapes me through our kiss.  
        “Oh, baby…” he groans. “Let me fuck you, Scarlett…it’s been too fuckin’ long.”  
        Oh my God, I want to so bad. My heart is pounding, and I’m already to the point of arousal where it wouldn’t take long for me to come. But I know we can’t. I shake my head, biting my lip as I do. Hell, my face is burning up. “We can’t…we have to…go clear the Brotherhood camp…” I moan again as he grinds himself into me.  
        “It can wait,” he says through heavy breaths.  
        I shake my head. “No…it can’t…”  
        He breaths out heavily. “Fuck…I’m so fuckin’ hard right now. You’re fuckin’ killin’ me…” but he doesn’t stop. His grip on my ass tightens and he starts grinding himself into me harder and faster. Almost like he is fucking me, only we’re wearing clothes. But the hardness of his cock rubbing against that sweet spot of me, it weakens me.  
        “Oh yeah…” I moan, my words quivering. A wave of heat coming over me from the feeling, and it won’t take long to get me over the edge.  
        “You can’t deny me forever, Scarlett,” he pants. “We’re addicted to each other.”  
        “Don’t stop,” I beg.  
        “I fuckin’ won’t…Oh, fuck…” he groans. He forces me back against the door and starts slamming into me, grinding himself against me with each advance. That buildup of pleasure, it’s almost unbearable now. And that gnawing feeling coming from my core, it’s about to come out of me at full force, and I’m desperate for that release. And desperate for him to give it to me.  
        And then it happens. He slams his body into me again, and I grab his ass to hold him there for a moment as my orgasm takes over. “Oh God…” I whine. “I’m coming…Gage…”  
        But he’s feral now, and he starts slamming his body into me even harder, grunting with every thrust. “You’re gonna make me come now, Scarlett…fuck…” He buries his head into my neck, and my body just can’t get enough of him. I’m fighting to keep him against me, even in the brief seconds he pulls away from me only to crash against me again. This desire, this feeling of pleasure, it doesn’t die away…my orgasm is all encompassing, and I feel so much love for him in this moment. Love and a dire need to be closer…him deep inside of me.  
        But we can’t do that, and I know we can’t. And it’s the most frustrating thing in the world. And when he comes, the sounds he makes, the way his body tenses and convulses against me, it’s so invigorating, and I sink my nails into his shoulder. “Oh…shit…I’m coming for you, Scarlett…I’m coming so fucking hard…” He shouts in pleasure. Christ, everyone can probably hear us.   And that’s when my moment of clarity hits me like a ton of bricks.  
        What have I just done?  
        Gage’s breath quivers against my face as he lowers me back onto the ground. His eyes are heavy, and he seems lost in a fantasy world. “You okay?” he asks, and I nod.  
        “You?”  
        He breaths out heavily through a smirk. “Yeah. I feel a little light-headed, but…Jesus Christ, you’re fuckin’ amazing.” I force a smile, and when he presses his lips onto mine, I hardly return the gesture. Because this…this is not going to end well. He pulls inches away from my lips and pushes a bit of hair out of my face, almost in disbelief of what just happened.  
        Hell, so am I. “I should…probably get going.”  
        “Yeah,” he mutters. “Should we just meet you…at the gas station?”  
        I hesitate to speak. Now, I really don’t want him to come. But that’ll just start an argument I neither have the time or patience for. Not right now. “Uh…yeah. Just…give us about an hour, and we’ll…we’ll meet you there.”  
        He nods. “Okay.” I turn to leave, but Gage pulls me back into him and kisses me again, gently. Yeah, this is going to be really bad. “Be safe. I’ll see you soon.”  
        I say nothing in return and feel as though I can’t get out of the room fast enough. And all the while as I walk through the building, back through Concord to reach the Red Rocket Station, I feel Operator eyes on me. Like they know what just happened between Gage and I, and I’m being judged unmercifully.  
        I’m such a fucking idiot. Sure, in the moment it’s exactly what I wanted. But the repercussions of my actions, they’re going to be awful. Because it doesn’t change anything between Gage and I. I’ll still be pregnant and I’ll still want him back in Nuka-World to give my child a fighting chance at a decent life.  
        And then Macready. Oh my God, I just committed the ultimate betrayal to him. And I can’t help but feel he’s going to find out sooner or later. The thought makes me want to vomit.  
        We make it back to Sanctuary, and Preston starts gathering our team and having them stock up on the necessary supplies. But our supplies are weaning due to our supply lines being halted until further notice. Despite this, I encourage my men to take whatever they need. Because as some of them can remember, the people of the Brotherhood aren’t exactly easy opponents. Not while wearing power armor, at least.  
        Maybe I should wear power armor. I still have my suit from the Brotherhood. But I’ve never enjoyed wearing the thing. Too heavy, and it makes it hard to move around. And to breathe. Or maybe I’m just claustrophobic. Before I can even make up my mind though, I see Macready exit our home and make a B-line right for me.  
        And my guilt becomes overwhelming. My guilt, but also the strong desire to be near him. Pull him in close and assure him of my affections. Guilty conscience, I suppose. “Hey, so what’s happening?” he asks, but I grab him and pull him into me. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my head into his chest, and he becomes tense. “Everything okay?”  
        “I’m sorry,” I say, my breath quivering as I do.  
        “Sorry for what?” But I can’t tell him. It’ll break his heart even though I desperately want to come clean and beg for forgiveness. “Hey, hey, hey…” he says soothingly while bringing his hand to my face, and I look up at him. That concerned expression. “What’s going on?”  
        I consider. But then shake my head because I’m a fucking coward. “I’m just…sorry for leaving you behind again. Making you feel like you’re not important to me and the decisions I make…”  
        He seems skeptical. “It’s all right. But rumor has it you’ve decided to move in on this Brotherhood camp?” I nod. “You don’t plan on leaving me behind again, do you?” Shit, he can’t come.  Gage will be there. And if Gage suspected something going on between Preston and I, he’s in for a rude awakening when he meets Macready. The best shot in the Commonwealth, as Shaun   already referred to him. But, God…the disappointment in Macready’s eyes if I say no to him, I just can’t bear.  
        “Who’s gonna watch the boys?” I ask.  
        “Codsworth. Like he always does.” I’m quiet for a moment. “You don’t want me to come, do you?”  
        I shake my head. “That’s not it…”  
        “Great. I’ll grab my gear.” He kisses my forehead forcefully and turns away from me before I even have the chance to convince him otherwise. Because I think he knows I was going to try.  And the entire time while getting ready to head out, I can’t stop thinking about how much of a mess I made and how this evening could end very, very badly.  
        The walk to the gas station is torment, and Macready stays right at my side along with Preston as a few Minutemen follow behind. With each step we take, my heart starts pounding faster and faster. And I feel sick. Nauseous, something I’ve been feeling since meeting with Gage earlier. And the only thing I have to somewhat ease my discomfort, a Fancy Lady snack.  
        I shove practically an entire treat into my mouth before tearing open the package to another, somewhat hoping I’ll choke to death before we make it to the rendezvous point. But I just don’t deserve something so merciful. “I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a dick, but…maybe you should cut back on the Fancy Lady snacks,” Macready says.  
        I swear to Christ, I’m going to kill this man. But I bite my tongue. He doesn’t know I’m pregnant, and I’m the only one to blame for that. So in an attempt to keep my hormonal side from lashing out at him, I shove the entire snack into my mouth, eyeing him up and down as I do.  
        He gives me a disgusted look before focusing outward again. “Whatever makes you happy, I guess.”  
        We approach the gas station, and Gage and a few of his Operators come into view. They turn to us, Gage standing out front. And at the sight of me, I detect a slight smile. But his eyes drift to Macready momentarily, and his smile fades. “General,” he says in a low tone.  
        “Overboss,” I say, or at least attempt to with my mouth full of Fancy Lady snacks.  
        Gage winces. “You wanna finish chewin’ up your food before you decide to talk?”  
        “Don’t bother. She’s been binging for days,” Macready says, and now I can’t chew the treat fast enough. Because the last thing I need is these two having a conversation.  
        I force this lump of mushy food down my throat and wince at the feeling of it going down, but it really did nothing to help my nausea. Actually, standing in front of Gage with Macready at my side, if anything, I feel much worse. “So what’s the plan?” Gage begins. “We gonna sneak up on ‘em? Flank ‘em? Or you just wanna go all in and ambush ‘em?”  
        “I think it’s best if we keep our distance in the beginning. Pick off as many as we can before they get too close,” Macready begins.  
        “Maybe we should consider a decoy, General,” Preston interjects. “Distract them from one side and attack on the other when they’re not looking.” But I can’t fucking focus. I feel this knot in my stomach rising up into my throat, and I swallow hard to keep it down. But the longer I keep it in, the sicker it makes me feel.  
        “How many are we dealing with?” Macready asks.  
        “’Bout six or seven. Hell, could be more for all we know,” Gage says.  
        “I thought your people scoped them out beforehand,” Macready nips.  
        “Ain’t no tellin’ how many of ‘em were away from camp. It was broad daylight,” Gage snaps back, and as much as I feel the need to step in, all my attention is on not vomiting. I don’t know why they call it morning sickness. It sure as shit isn’t morning.  
        “General,” Preston speaks firmly, silencing Gage and Macready. “It’s your call.”  
        But I…fucking…can’t. “You feelin’ all right?” Gage asks, and before I even have the chance to get a step away from them, I’m doubling over projectile vomiting the contents of my stomach onto the pavement. And it’s fucking brutal.  
        “Oh god…” I whine before more comes out of me.  
        “You good?” I hear Gage call to me, but more just comes out of me. Oh God, I’m dying. This is what it feels like to die.  
        “You regret eating those things now?” Macready asks.  
        I'm panting, my face is leaking many different fluids, and the knot in my stomach has hardly disappeared after purging myself. But it seems I’m done for the moment. And now, all I feel is embarrassment. “Anyone have a napkin?”


	4. Torn Between Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two to "A World On Fire."
> 
> After escaping Nuka-World and making her way back to Sanctuary, Scarlett tries to find some stability and happiness in her old life in an attempt to make up for the mistakes of her past and paint a brighter future for her family. But Porter Gage doesn't want to give her up so easily, and his desperation to win her back leads him to commit some heinous crimes.
> 
> *Scarlett is having difficulty determining where her loyalties lie.*

        My stomach lurches, and more vomit comes out of me. Just when I thought I had everything out, my body decides to make more of a spectacle. I like to think I’m tough. That I can deal with a fair amount of pain or discomfort. But vomiting will make even a grown man cry. No, really…it’s like some kind of physical reaction. I guess the rest of your face feels the need to purge itself as well.  
        Judging by the awkward silence of my peers, I assume they’re all watching me. And that makes me feel even more vulnerable and foolish. “Don’t mind me,” I groan while waving my hand to the men. But I hear footsteps coming up behind me on the gravel. And the feeling of someone’s hands grabbing my hair causes me to flinch. They pat my back.  
        “That’s right, get it all out,” Macready says in an exasperated tone while holding my hair back. Almost like he knew I’d be unmercifully vomiting up every Fancy Lady snack I ever ingested.  
        “Ugh…just put me out of my misery,” I say through heavy breaths while resting my hands on my knees. Maybe this time I’ll really be done.  
        Macready laughs. “I have a feeling you’re going to pull through.”  
        I take a deep breath through my nose and exhale slowly. “Give me that,” I hear Gage say before rushing to my side. He hands me a canteen. “Here, have some water.”  
        “So she has even more to throw up? What a wonderful idea.” I smack Macready’s chest. He tenses up, wincing as he does. “Ah…”  
        “Don’t be rude,” I snap before pouring a bit of water in my mouth. Even if just to rinse the taste of vomit out because I don’t think I have it in me to ingest anything. I swish the water around in my mouth for a bit and then spit it onto the pavement. And my shameful eyes meet with Gage’s. Because I feel like one of them has figured me out.  
        His expression is soft though. “You okay, Scarlett?” he asks tenderly. Quiet enough to where I’m sure his men can’t even hear the love and concern in his tone. But Macready hears, and my eyes dart to him, staring at this raider like he has an extra limb growing out of his head.  
        I chuckle and divert my eyes to the canteen in my hands to replace the cap. “I’m fine, Gage. Thank you.” A nonchalant, non-comital reaction. But back to the matter at hand. “I, uh…I think     Macready’s right. We should keep our distance as long as we can.”  
        “Macready, huh?” Gage huffs. He studies him for a moment, and I regret even saying his name aloud. “Hey, I heard about you. The one who can down a super mutant from a mile away…blindfolded?”  
        Macready smirks. “I don’t know about blindfolded…”  
        “Ain’t all that impressive, if you ask me. A super mutant is hard to miss.”  
        Macready seems taken aback by the comment, but thoroughly entertained by it because he can’t help but chuckle. “Well, I’m not exactly looking for employment right now, so you’ll excuse me if I don’t feel the need to try and impress you.”  
        “Employment, huh? You some kinda merc?”  
        “I feel like we’re getting a little distracted, General,” Preston says, and I absolutely agree.  
        “Gentlemen…why don’t we save the ice breakers for after we wipe out the Brotherhood camp, yes?” I ask, and Gage shrugs. “Right. Let’s move out.”  
        Gage and his raiders lead us through the woods in the direction of the reported Brotherhood camp. But as the sun starts to set after we’ve been walking for about an hour, I start to grow suspicious of them. My Minutemen and I keep our distance, and Gage continually looks over his shoulder to me. I guess to assure I’m still following. But I feel uneasy.  
        “I’m getting a weird feeling,” Macready mumbles to me, and I try and hide the look of concern I’m certain is plastered on my face. Because if this is some kind of set-up, it’ll make me look very bad for getting my men involved.  
        “Well, we can’t exactly just waltz up to the camp, can we?” I mutter. “Maybe…maybe they’re just taking us around.”  
        “Or maybe this was all just a setup to get you and Preston far enough from Sanctuary to put a bullet in your heads,” Macready says, and the thought makes me sick. No, I don’t fear for my own life. But I start to fear for my men’s lives.  
        I groan. “Just…hang on,” I mutter to Macready and then run to catch up with Gage. He glances at me once I’m by his side, and I’m not really sure how to begin the conversation. He’s been easily riled today, and the last thing I need is him getting riled up out in the middle of the woods where he and his raiders certainly have the upper hand. “Are we…almost there?”  
        Gage glances back to my men and then focuses ahead once more. “Not too long now.”  
        We walk in silence for a bit. “My guys are getting a little antsy here, Gage,” I say through a slight laugh. To somehow make it seem less like I’m accusing him of anything, but Gage stops walking, and I hold my hand out to my guys to keep them back. “You want us to go in and take care of this?”  
        “What? No, that’s not…”  
        “Look, I can see that being so far away from your home base is putting you all on edge. And I’m gonna be straight with you. The last fuckin’ thing my men need is to have the fire support of a group of Minutemen who want us gone as much as the Brotherhood.”  
        His response stings a bit. “Gage, we wouldn’t…”  
        “You clearly don’t trust us. And how can we trust you if you don’t trust us?” he asks. But he keeps his voice low and his temperament cool. And if anyone were watching the two of us, they wouldn’t suspect anything peculiar coming from our conversation. But I’m at a loss.  
        “I’m…I’m sorry, Gage.”  
        He sighs and looks to his men, thinking intently about something. His jaw tenses and his lips become tight, and when he looks back to me, skepticism and disappointment are the only things really staring back at me. “Look, go on home. I’ll report back when the job’s done. You shouldn’t be out here anyway when you’re clearly not feeling good.”  
        But that just won’t work. He starts to turn away. “Gage, wait…” and he stops to hear me out. But before I can even get a word out, a bolt of red light whizzes right past my head. And before  I can even register what’s happening, Gage has me on the ground, and everyone around us starts shouting and firing their guns.  
        “Are you okay?” Gage asks, his voice shaky and horror in his eyes.  
        But I’m shaken, all right. “Am I hit?”  
        He studies me for a moment, glancing down at my body to check for any sign of injury. But he’s panting, clearly just as shaken as myself. He shakes his head. “No.” But a red laser hitting the ground next to us causes me to scream, and Gage turns us over to avoid another attack. And then, he’s on his knees, firing his gun toward the Brotherhood troops that managed to get the jump on us.  
        “Scarlett!” Macready yells, and my eyes wander to him, taking cover behind a tree with his rifle firmly grasped in his hands. I hesitate to run for him. He seems so far through the chaos and gunfire.  
        “Stay down, baby,” Gage calls to me over his shoulder. “Stay behind me.”  
        I realize that in the scuffle, I managed to drop my rifle. So I’m unarmed and unable to defend myself. And all around me, raiders—my men having stayed back far enough to create some sizable distance between the two factions. Well, three, if you count the Brotherhood. It’s no wonder Macready looks so terrified.  
        I grab Gage’s armor and duck my head behind him. And it’s in this moment, only after being ambushed that I realize, I really shouldn’t be in battle. Not in my condition, and I chastise myself for being so damn selfish. This moment, it’s comparable to the first time I ever experienced battle. The first day I set foot in Concord and helped Preston clear out the raiders. I was inexperienced back then, terrified for my life. Something that, as time went on, I starting caring less and less about. And then I got better after considerable experience.  
        But now, I’m just as terrified for my life as before, if not more. Because my poor baby is in danger, and I’m a fool for ever thinking battle ever went the way I’d ever hoped.  
        But as terrified as I am, I can’t just hide behind Gage. I have to help. I grab the pistol from his thigh and start firing at the Brotherhood soldiers taking cover behind trees, clinging to Gage’s armor the entire time. Because for some reason, it makes me feel safer. But when another laser shoots past my face, I duck behind him again.  
        “We have to move, Scarlett. Take cover behind those trees!” he shouts.  
        “Okay,” I yell, my voice shaking.  
        “You go, I’ll cover you!” But before I can even make a move, a forceful blow knocks Gage back and to the ground, and I start screaming.  
        “Gage!” He’s been shot in the shoulder, and blood oozes out of his wound. The sight sends a panic through me, and he winces while clinging his arm and groaning. “Oh my God…”  
        “Go, Scarlett…get behind somethin’,” he groans.  
        “I’m not just leaving you out here.” I turn to face the battle, on my knee and with Gage’s pistol clenched between both my hands, pointing it every which way, waiting for one of the   Brotherhood fucks to stick their head out. And when one of them does, I fire a shot, killing him instantly. A small victory, and I hardly have any time to revel in that moment. “Come on,” I say  while extending my hand to him. And with almost maximum effort, I assist Gage behind a rusted old car frame. Not the best cover in the world, but better than being out in the open.  
        He groans in pain as we drop to the ground, and I scoot lower behind the structure to assure my head isn’t in view of anyone who might want me dead. I glance to my right and see Macready still ducked behind a tree, coming out every now and then to fire a shot before ducking behind his cover again. I should be by his side. Fighting alongside him. Because even being in cover with Gage makes me feel guilty.  
        “Keep firing!” I shout when the sounds of battle start to die down, and I continually peer out from my cover to search the woods for more members of the Brotherhood. I see a bright orange uniform bolting through the trees, and I fire a shot, hitting him in the leg and knocking him to the ground.  
        “Christ, there’s a lot of ‘em!” Gage shouts, but their numbers are dying down. I just really hope the same isn’t true for our side.  
        I peer out from around cover again and fire at another soldier running between the trees, but after three shots, I retreat. Fucker made it past me. “Dammit.” I eject my mag and grab another from Gage’s belt. “You doing okay?” I shout.  
        “Oh, I’m just fuckin’ peachy.”  
        “Grenade!” But I don’t know if it’s from our side or the others. And when a violent explosion happens not far from where Gage and I are hiding, I’m certain that it came from the Brotherhood. I grab Gage and pull him down to the ground, covering him as best I can from any debris that might fly at us. Shit, this isn’t going well.  
        “Macready!” I scream. I give him a signal. One of many that the two of us worked out a long time ago when he taught me the importance of stealth. He nods to me, takes out another soldier, and then sneaks out from his cover to start moving further away from me.  
        “What’s that mean?” Gage asks.  
        “He’s gonna…he’s gonna flank them. Find a safe spot and start picking them off that way. If he makes it, then…this shouldn’t take long.”  
        “He’s that good, huh?”  
        I nod, but I’m panting. Terrified that I might have just sent my guy to his death. “He’s the best there is.” But it’s more to convince myself than anything.  
        I keep behind cover as much as I can, only sticking my head out every once in a while to attempt to shoot one of the soldiers, only managing to clip one in the shoulder and sending him back into cover. This could take forever, and I become concerned something bad happened to Macready when the number of soldiers continues to be a considerable threat.  
        I peer around my cover again and hold up my pistol to focus on the soldier closest to me, but he disappears behind cover before I can fire. “Shit.”  
        But some force unbeknownst to myself sends the soldier out from cover, and he hits the ground, motionless. This happens to another soldier, and another, and soon enough, I’m able to assume that Macready seems to have found his place. The perfect spot where he’s able to start picking these soldiers off one by one. And within minutes, the sound of gunfire seems to die down.  
        I poke my head out, looking for any sign of movement from the trees when I see a Brotherhood soldier attempt to run away. But the sound of a rifle echoes throughout the woods, and the soldier falls to the ground, dead. And I’m so relieved.  
        “Preston?” I yell.  
        “Clear, General!” he yells from a ways away.  
        “Johnny!” Gage yells from next to me.  
        “All clear, boss!”  
        I slowly stand and step out of cover, scanning the area as best I can for any sign there might be another threat, but I see nothing. “Macready!” I yell, but I get no response. “Mac!” I yell even louder. And this no response is making me feel queasy.  
        “Macready!” Preston yells, and I hear a faint voice in the distance. “He’s clear, General!” Preston yells, and I let out a sigh in relief.  
        I grab me and Gage’s guns from the ground and make my way back to him to help him to his feet. He groans at the feeling, and blood continues to ooze from the wound to his shoulder.    “We should head back. You need to take care of that wound,” I say.  
        “I’m fine, Scarlett,” he groans. “We need to get to the camp and clear out the rest of them, or all this will be for nothing.”  
        I won’t lie, it’s definitely the response I was hoping for. Because after killing a good amount of the Brotherhood’s troops, if any are still alive back at the camp, this could all end very badly for the Minutemen. “Hey…” Macready calls while running over to me, and I’m so appreciative of him in that moment, I could kiss him. But I restrain myself.  
        “Nice work,” I say and punch his shoulder playfully. But even I know that it was a strange thing for me to do after the progression of our relationship, and his eyes narrow at me.  
        “Er, thanks.” He looks to Gage and then to the wound on his shoulder, wincing at the sight. “Looks like it hurts.”  
        “It don’t tickle,” Gage says coolly.  
        I grab Macready’s arm and pull him with me as Preston approaches with a somber expression. I already know what he’s going to tell me. “How many?”  
        “Just one. Vincent,” he says, and I feel my heart sink to my stomach. Sure, I knew there was a possibility of casualties. But it never gets any easier to hear I’ve lost one of my men. I look over to Gage, watching us intently. And one of his raiders approaches him. They talk quietly for a moment until Gage looks at me and shakes his head.  
        I sigh. “Okay,” I say to Preston. “Have two of our men get him back to Sanctuary for burial. We’ll hold a memorial for him tomorrow.” Preston nods and excuses himself to arrange the transport with our Minutemen.  
        “Are you sure we should be sending our people back?” Macready asks.  
        “It’s only two. And Gage still has all his people, so…we should be okay.”  
        But the tension and apprehension of my men is hard to ignore as we continue moving toward the Brotherhood camp with the raiders leading the way. The Minutemen still keep their distance even after having the assist from the raiders during our ambush, and I walk between the two factions, bridging the gap as best I can with Macready behind me and Gage walking in front of me. It’s in this moment that I realize, even if I wanted to bring peace between the Minutemen and Nuka-World, it’s something that would never happen.  
        The Minutemen will always despise raiders, and the raiders will never trust that we can ever see them as anything more than a disease plaguing the Commonwealth. Even if I feel a powerful and undeniable love for their leader.  
        We finally make it to the Brotherhood camp, but hardly any remain. Just as Gage said, I see suits of power armor, unequipped and parked next to a vertibird. And the sight of the gunship makes me sick. How they managed to get so close to Sanctuary without any of us noticing puts me on edge, and I can’t help but wonder if any other camps might be nearby.  
        These soldiers seem unsuspecting of any sort of attack, which means the team they sent out—the team that ambushed us—probably isn’t due back yet. And it’s a good thing we found them when we did. “We need to take them out before they can get into their power armor,” I say to anyone willing to listen.  
        “Have your men stay here. We’ll head around to the other side and surround ‘em from there,” Gage says quietly, and it sounds like a good plan. I nod to him, and within seconds, the raiders start making their way through the woods.  
        “Macready, stay back here and pick off anyone that gets too close to the power armor.”  
        “You got it.” I give Gage’s men some time to get set up on the other side of the camp. “They’re in position,” Macready says while looking through the scope of his rifle. And as anxious as I feel, I know I can’t prolong the attack any longer.  
        “All right, everyone. Let’s move in.”  
        The Brotherhood’s remaining soldiers put up a decent fight, but they’re outnumbered by at least seven, and the battle is short lived. And once every one of our enemies lies dead at our feet, I walk through the camp, searching for any survivors and any sign that more might be returning. “We should stay here tonight,” Gage says after I circle the camp at least twice, and I look up at him strangely. “Dark as hell out here. Might be too dangerous to go walking through the woods right now. And I think we should hold our ground and see if any more return. We leave any survivors, they’ll know who’s to blame.”  
        I nod. “Right. Let’s get the bodies cleared out,” I say, and Gage gives the orders to his men.  
        “General, we found something on the terminal,” Preston says, troubled.  
        “What’s wrong?” I ask.  
        “Seems the Brotherhood really was out here to retaliate. Orders to attack Sanctuary.” Of course I knew that would be the case, but hearing it for certain sends a dark cloud over me. Because if this team was sent to attack Sanctuary, it’ll only be a matter of time before another attack is in order. Still, I can’t help but feel—for the first time—thankful that Gage set up his outpost in  Concord. Because if it weren’t for him, we wouldn’t have known it was coming.  
        Our eyes lock from across the camp, and it’s as if he knows everything I’m thinking at the moment. How thankful I am that he still maintains his loyalty to me despite everything that’s happened between us. And how thankful I am that I still mean something to him.  
        The raiders build a bonfire in the middle of the camp while my Minutemen go around passing out food rations to everyone after having gone through all the Brotherhood’s supplies. They not only found a stash of food, but medical supplies and guns and ammunition. But despite the two factions coming together in a joint effort to take out the Brotherhood camp, it’s all too obvious that the two still don’t like or trust each other.  
        The raiders set themselves up nearest the fire, and my men surround the Vertibird gunship. And even though this is the time for rest and recuperation, the tension in the camp is high and everyone speaks in hushed voices. I’m not sure if it’s because the Minutemen and raiders are sharing a camp or because we’re weary more Brotherhood soldiers will return, but we have our best guys on lookout to help ease the situation.  
        “My guys found some medical supplies,” I say while approaching Gage as he sits on a crate near the fire. He looks up at me and scoots over, allowing me to sit on the crate next to him.     “Armor, off,” I demand, and he does as I ask.  
        “You eat something?” he asks while I open the medical kit and start shuffling through the supplies for anything I might need.  
        “No, not yet. My stomach’s been…acting up today,” I say while wetting a bit of gauze with some alcohol to clean his wound.  
        “You sure you’re okay?” he asks, and I nod.  
        “I’m fine.” I start cleaning the blood away, but I feel Gage’s intense gaze on my face, and I can’t help but glance to him. His stare, it makes me uncomfortable. But only because of how badly I wish to be closer to him. And after what happened earlier that day between us back in Concord, I’m certain he’s expecting that we will be closer. “It’s a good thing it was a laser gun. No bullet to get lodged in there.”  
        “Yeah. Still stings like a motherfucker,” he says, and I can’t help but smirk. I take another bit of gauze to continue cleaning the wound, but his gaze continues to burn into me. And my hands become all shaky. He makes me so nervous, and I don’t think I can hide it from him despite how hard I try. “Hey, Scarlett…”  
        “Thank you for what you did today,” I interrupt. In an attempt to avoid any questions he might have about our relationship, but also because it needs to be said. “I’m sure it bought you some good faith with the Minutemen. Putting your life on the line to save their General.”  
        He’s quiet for a moment. “You know I’d never let anything happen to you.”  
        He makes me want to cry, but I shake it off and nod. “I…I know that. You’re a…” I clear my throat. “You’re a good…friend, Gage.” I start securing a bandage to his shoulder when his hand moves to mine.  
        “That all I am?” he asks. And I don’t know how to respond. He starts leaning into me, and with every inch he advances, I feel myself growing weaker. Falling more and more into him, as if he’s pulling me further into him instead of him coming to me. I feel his breath on my lips, and it sends chills down my body. But his hand moving to my face, it forces me back into reality.  
        “Gage,” I say quietly, almost begging him to stop. And he does. “We can’t.”  
        He pulls back, glancing around to his raiders around the campfire as he does. As if they’re the reason the two of us can’t be affectionate right now. He reaches into his pocket and pulls a pack of cigarettes out before sticking one in his mouth. “You still love me, Scarlett?” he mutters with the cigarette in his mouth and then lights the thing.  
        “Why ask questions you already know the answer to?” I ask, and he looks at me, exhaling his smoke from the corner of his mouth to keep it away from me.  
        He shrugs. “I’m not so sure anymore. I’d like to hear it every now and then.” He kills me. Every time I look at him, speak to him. And in moments where it becomes obvious he needs a bit more reassurance, it makes me loathe him. Because it’s really hard to stare into his beautiful hazel eye, his sadness dominating him, and not give him what he needs.  
        “I love you,” I say coldly and then leave him. Because I just can’t be around him anymore. He weakens me, every part of me. And the worst thing about it is, he constantly remains at the forefront of my mind. When I hear his voice, it warms me from within and gives me butterflies. Maybe because I haven’t heard his voice in two months.  
        Or maybe, my baby already knows who her father is.  
        I approach the vertibird where my men have set up, much further away from the fire and hardly any light other than the moon to guide the way. “Where’s Macready?” I ask one of them.  
        “Back here,” I hear him say from behind the vertibird.  
        When I circle the gunship, I’m shaking. Still unnerved by the conversation with Gage, and all I really want to do is have some comfort. Something to distract me from my affections from the father of my child. Because the more I’m around him, the harder it is to neglect my feelings for him. “You standing guard?” I ask while approaching Macready.  
        “I opted for the first shift. Hope that’s all right,” he says, and I immediately lean into him, resting my head against his chest as I do. My way of begging for affection, and he chuckles while wrapping his arms around me. “Everything okay?”  
        “Why do you always ask me that when I want you to hold me?”  
        “Because you don’t like to be held very often,” he says, and I can’t help but smirk. It’s true, I don’t like to be held very often anymore. But it’s not because I don’t love him. It’s because being held is a painful reminder of what it feels like to be in love. And the last two times have ended badly for me. I exhale heavily against him and squeeze him tighter than I ever have before.   “You’re crushing me again,” he says, his voice strained. But it’s an act, and I snicker.  
        I can feel his heartbeat against my face. And it’s so precious to feel that. “I love you.”  
        His hand moves to my face and then under my chin to force me to look up at him. His brow is furrowed. “I love you too, Scarlett.”  
        But I’m confused. “Why do you look so…upset?”  
        He shakes his head. “I’m not, I just…you’ve never said that so…genuinely before. I mean, I always knew that you cared, but I never knew you truly loved me. Always figured that would take some more time.” He’s so right. I do love him, with all my heart I do. But it’s not in the way I love Gage. Not yet at least. But I know in this moment, while standing there holding him, I’m capable of loving him in that way. It’ll take longer than it did with Gage, but I know I’m capable. And the only thing standing in my way is the man who still has my heart completely. Which is why I need him to leave. To give me a shot at this life I’m trying to carve out for myself. Because what I want for the rest of my life, Gage will never be able to give it to me no matter how bad I want it from him.  
        “I…have something…I need to tell you,” I say, and he seems concerned at the news. And so am I, to be honest. Because once I say it, it’ll close the book on Gage completely, and I need to be ready for that. But maybe that’s exactly what I need to get over him. Start planning and looking forward to my life with Macready. Putting the future of my family before the needs of myself.  Before my love for Gage. “I’m, uh…I’m pregnant, Rob…”  
        He stares at me for a moment, and his silence is a killer. He inhales heavily through his nose. “How pregnant?” he asks.  
        “Uh…few months.” I wince. Because I’m four. When I should really be only two. But men don’t know about that sort of thing. At least I hope not.  
        “A few months? And you’re out here…taking on the Brotherhood? Getting caught in a gunfight, and…oh…oh, Scarlett,” he groans and pulls me back into him. He buries his face into my neck, and his breath quivers against me. “You shouldn’t be out here, sweetheart,” he says desperately.  
        “I know, I’m…sorry. It was stupid, and selfish, but…I couldn’t risk sending you guys out here with the raiders. I didn’t want to risk anything happening to you,” I say quietly.  
He exhales heavily again. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”  
        “I…I don’t know. I was…scared, and…”  
        He pulls back a bit and looks into my eyes. “Scared? Of what, my reaction?” he asks, and I nod. But it’s not entirely true. Nothing I say is entirely true, and it’s definitely ruining the moment for me. “Scarlett…” he laughs, almost in disbelief. “This is the best thing I’ve heard in a while. You had nothing to be scared of.” Oh, but I am utterly and completely terrified. I thought telling   Macready would lift a weight off my chest, but if anything, I feel like it’s collapsing in on me. “Come here,” he says and pulls me into a deep, affectionate kiss.  
        “Hey, Scarlett? We need to talk…” Gage’s voice sends a panic through me, and I pull away from Macready to see him emerging from around the vertibird.  
        But the damage has been done. He stares at the two of us, that cold look on his face. The one that chills me to the bone every time I see it, only now, I’m not so sure he won’t do something to me or Macready. Because I’m not sure what all he heard.  
        My heart is pounding while he looks back and forth between the two of us, and before I can say anything, Gage turns away and disappears behind the vertibird again. And I’m paralyzed with fear. “That was…awkward.” Macready pulls me into him again, wrapping his arms around me while I lean my head on his chest. But my watchful eyes stay where Gage disappeared from.   Waiting for him to come back and attack.  
        But he never does. And by the time morning rolls around, the raiders are long gone. Long gone, but I’m not certain for forever. When we make it back to the Red Rocket Truck stop the next morning, I’m tempted to head over to Concord. Just to see if the raiders remain or if they’re heading back for Nuka-World sometime soon. Because I just don’t know why Gage would stay any longer after what he witnessed.  
        Truth be told, I’m terrified to face him. Not only because of what he’d do, but because my guilt is devouring me from inside out. I feel guilty for what I did to Macready the previous day with Gage. And now, I feel guilty that Gage saw me in Macready’s embrace. But the worst guilt I feel comes from the fear that Gage overheard the news that I was pregnant. And judging by the situation, he’d assume it to be another man’s child and not his own.  
        I’m not entirely certain he wouldn’t kill me for something like that.  
        But I can’t keep calm the rest of the day. I can’t focus on anything but the possibilities of what might happen. The ways Gage might choose to lash out. Or if he does decide to go back to  Nuka-World, never seeing him again. That thought, despite the relief I assumed would come with that, kills me. I’m fearing an attack and nothing at all. That’s all my life is now. Living in fear.  Fear I thought would be alleviated by telling Macready about my pregnancy, but it’s only gotten worse. And when that same Minuteman who delivers all my letters approaches me later in the  evening, I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack.  
        “This just came for you, General.”  
        I take the envelope and wait for him to leave my side. But the paper is shaking in my hands. I’m shaking, and I feel like I’m going to vomit. But time might be of the essence with this one. I tear it open and remove the folded up piece of paper.  
        TOMORROW MORNING IN CONCORD. BEST NOT TO SKIP THIS ONE.  
        My tight grip on the page crumples the paper in my hands, and I can’t help but start crying. This isn’t how he deserved to find out. And I know that I can’t lie to him anymore. This conversation between Gage and I, it’s happening tomorrow morning. And I’ve never been so terrified to talk to him before in my life.


	5. On One Condition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After escaping Nuka-World and making her way back to Sanctuary, Scarlett tries to find some stability and happiness in her old life in an attempt to make up for the mistakes of her past and paint a brighter future for her family. But Porter Gage doesn't want to give her up so easily, and his desperation to win her back leads him to commit some heinous crimes.
> 
> *Gage gives Scarlett an offer she can't refuse."

        It’s early in the morning, but Macready and I have hardly slept. His excitement being too much to contain, and my anxiety about the meeting with Gage keeping me from being calm enough to drift off for more than an hour. But I do my best to dress my anxiety as excitement as well. For Macready’s sake. Also because I still haven’t decided whether or not I’m even going to visit with Gage. I can’t help it’ll end badly.  
        I lie on my back with my shirt pulled up over my stomach, and Macready rests on his side, his hand moving over the little bump. So small that one could hardly detect a difference unless very familiar with my body. “Do you want a boy or a girl?” he asks.  
        I smile. “I don’t really care so long as it’s healthy. But I have a feeling it’s a girl.” He smiles like a madman. “What?” I ask.  
        He shrugs. “Boys are great. But I think every man deep down wants a little girl. A little Scarlett running around, calling the shots.” I chuckle. “I’d be a slave to that little girl.”  
        I bring my hand to the side of his face and caress his cheek with my thumb. Seeing him in this moment, it warms my heart. The only good thing coming out of Macready knowing about my condition. He seems utterly and completely happy. But if he only knew the truth. The thought brings a dark cloud over me, and I pull my hand away and stare down at my stomach. A stomach that in a month’s time will be undeniably pregnant. “I wonder if she’ll look like me.” I hope to God she will. Because I can tell Macready all day long the baby’s his, but if the child comes out looking like Gage…the stress of that alone makes me break.  
        “I’m sure she will. I hope she will. I don’t think I’d make a very pretty girl,” he says, and I can’t help but chuckle. Leave it to Macready to make me laugh during the most stressful times of my life. “Have you thought of any names?”  
        “Yes.” I have. Alice, Blair, Rowan…but none of those names sound good with Gage. And over the past few weeks, I’ve started to realize how difficult pairing a female name with his last name really is. Because Gage is such a boy’s name. NO. The baby’s last name will be Macready. I need to get that in my head. “I kind of like Savannah…” I glance to him. “What do you think?”  
        He nods. “I like Savannah.”  
        I smile and look up to the ceiling, thinking intently. “Savannah Marie Macready.”   
        “Marie?” he asks.  
        “It was my mother’s name.”  
        He’s quiet for a moment. “It’s got a nice ring to it.”  
        I think so. And so does Savannah Marie Gage. I feel it’s only fair, choosing a name that would sound good with both last names. Even if the child only ever knows of one.  
        But as the morning progresses, the brief moment of happiness I managed to find begins to fade into an overwhelming sense of anxiety. Gage’s warning about not missing his intended meeting sends a cold chill up my spine. I’m still not sure what all he heard, and the lingering thought that he might do something to retaliate if I don’t try and ease the situation makes me even more concerned for Macready’s safety and the safety of Sanctuary Hills.  
        So before morning fades to afternoon, I find the perfect opportunity to leave the Settlement. When anyone who might try and stop me is distracted. And it’s not the smartest move, leaving  Sanctuary without anyone knowing where I’m going in case something does happen, but I can’t risk anyone intervening and keeping me from seeing Gage. The risk is too great. And I can’t even begin to explain the reasons for the importance to anyone.  
        It’s comparable to sneaking out of my parents’ house when I was a teenager, and the entire walk to Concord, I feel as though someone is going to run up behind me, exclaiming “I caught you! Get back to your room!” But that never happens. And the raiders on guard, they seem to be expecting me.  
        I’m escorted through Concord and led to the main building once again. Inside and up the stairs until I’m brought to the room in the back of the building, and when I enter, Gage is sitting at the table with his feet kicked up, smoking a cigarette.  
        I hesitate to enter. And when I do, the sound of the door closing behind me startles me. I don’t like being here behind closed doors. Not with the way Gage is looking at me. Not with me being at such a disadvantage. “Was startin’ to wonder if you’d show,” he says coldly.  
        “I’m not so sure I really had a choice.”  
        He studies me for a moment, a look of disgust on his face. “Sit down,” he demands, but his cool demeanor and low tone terrifies me. I hesitate to move to the chair next to him, and once seated, I try and avoid eye contact. But his gaze burns into me. He sits in his chair next to me, leaning away from me. Studying me intently before exhaling a cloud of smoke right to me, and I fan it away. “So…Macready, huh?” His booming voice makes my heart jump, but I still avoid looking at him. I’m too ashamed. “How long’s that been going on?”  
        I scoff. “Does it matter?”  
        “Yeah, it fuckin’ matters,” he snaps, and I wince at the tone of his voice. He’s quiet for a moment. I guess waiting for my response. “What, a month?” I don’t respond. “Two months? Since you left Nuka-World?” Still, I don’t respond. “Since before you even fuckin’ knew me?!”  
        “No!” I shout. But he isn’t convinced. He smashes his cigarette butt into the table and flicks it aside before folding his hands across his lap. “You know, I can’t fuckin’ figure you out, Scarlett. You want me gone…been tellin’ me to go back to Nuka-World since day one. But then yesterday, you told me you loved me. Practically let me fuck you right here in this room…”  
        I wince. “Stop…”  
        “You don’t know what you want, do ya?”  
        “I do.”  
        He scoffs. “Oh yeah? What’s that?”  
        Finally, I have the strength to look at him. I’m fuming right now, and it’s because he has the audacity to try and make me feel bad for the things I’ve done when he’s the one who betrayed me. Sure, I love him. Very much, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him. But he has no room to judge me. Ever. “I want you gone.”  
        My response seems to stun him, and he quickly looks away from me in a poor attempt to hide his pained expression. He hesitates to speak. “Why…” a heavy breath escapes him, and for a moment, I think he might cry. And now I feel awful. “Why are you…treatin’ me this way, Scarlett?” he asks, avoiding my gaze as best he can, and the shift of power between us is quite an unexpected sight. “I know I betrayed your trust, but…I’ve done everything in my power to make it right. But what you’re doin’ to me, it’s…just wrong.”  
        He breaks my heart, and my eyes start to burn. Because as bad as he hurt me, I don’t wish to do the same to him. But there’s no getting around it, I suppose. “You haven’t done everything in your power to make it right, Gage.”  
        He sniffles and looks up at me, eye red. “Oh yeah? Then tell me how. Whatever it is, I’ll do it, Scarlett. For you.” I’m relieved to know that the only thing Gage witnessed last night was a kiss between Macready and I. Because if he knew anything else, I don’t think he’d be so willing to oblige any request of mine.  
        “Go back to Nuka-World.”  
        He considers for a moment. A while, actually, and when he stands, he keeps his back to me and moves to the window. “That what you want? Me out of your life forever?”  
        Ugh, I hate that word. Forever. It’s so absolute. But the longer I hesitate to answer, the more unsure I’ll seem in my answer. And I have a feeling that Gage will look for any signs of weakness in my request to send him away. “Yes,” I say quietly.  
        He keeps his back to me and hangs his head. And he’s quiet for a long while as he lights another cigarette and takes a few drags. “All right, Scarlett. You win. I’ll gather up my raiders, and…we’ll head home.” I almost start crying at his words. “On one condition.”  
        “Name it,” I say, my voice shaking. And finally, he turns to face me.  
        “Stay the night with me.”  
        I’m not sure if I hear him correctly. “What?”  
        “The last night I spent with you back in Nuka-World, I didn’t know it’d be the last time I’d have you so close. Doesn’t really seem fair, does it? Not having a chance to say goodbye the way I deserve. After everything we’ve been through. You want me to go back to Nuka-World. To never see each other again, well…that’s something I’m just gonna have to live with. But not without me gettin’ somethin’ in return.”  
        I almost can’t believe what he’s saying. “No, Gage…”  
        “Then I ain’t goin’ nowhere.” I’m at a loss. Surely I can’t give him what he’s asking for. There’s no way. “And don’t even think about tryin’ to run off to another settlement and hide. I got eyes and ears all over the Commonwealth. The only way to get rid of me, Scarlett, is to give me what I want. And I want one more night with you.”  
        I’ve never been more disgusted by him in my life. “It’ll never happen. My…my people won’t ever allow me to leave Sanctuary for an entire night…”  
        “That sounds like more your problem than mine.”  
        But I’m becoming desperate. Because if Gage stays any longer, hiding my pregnancy will be near impossible. And if he knows I’m pregnant, I doubt his offer to head back to Nuka-World will stand. No, that information might drive him to do some pretty horrific things to get what he wants. Maybe even kill Macready. “Isn’t there anything else you want? Caps? Supplies? Something else…I can…set you up with some land. It’ll take time, but…”  
        “Nope. You’re the only thing I want. And if I have to say goodbye to you forever, I want one last night with you. Because I know I’ll never feel this way for anyone ever again.” He folds his arms across his chest, narrowing his eye at me as he does. As if he can’t possibly understand why this is so hard for me. “I don’t think I’m askin’ for all that much, Scarlett.”  
        I feel like screaming. The only other way around this is by sending the Minutemen in to wipe them all out, and for a brief moment, I consider doing this. But looking at him—I know I can’t sentence him to death. I love him too much. Despite all the shit we’ve done to each other, I can’t bear the thought of him dead or suffering. “Fine,” I say quietly. “But it can’t be tonight…”  
        “No, I want you tonight.”  
        “Gage,” I say forcefully. “I’m willing to…give you what you want. The least you can do is…let it be on my terms. Let me…figure all this out, or…I’ll never be able to enjoy the evening with you.” I don’t think I’ll be able to enjoy it anyway, but it certainly gives him a moment to consider.  
        He nods. “Fine. But don’t keep me waitin’ too long. Because if I go too long without hearin’ from ya…the deal’s off the table.”  
        “Are we done here?”  
        He shrugs. “I guess.”  
        I excuse myself from his presence. And the entire time while walking back to Sanctuary Hills, I feel as though I’m in some kind of trance. A daydream…or perhaps a nightmare. Because some small part of me doesn’t want to believe that Gage would ever pull something so shady, so manipulative just to get me in bed with him. That’s not something you do to someone you love.  
        But then another part of me empathizes with him. Because maybe he’s just desperate, and his desperation is only because of the way I’ve been treating him. But his condition, it’s one I can’t ignore. Not for very long, anyway. Because I’m pregnant. With his child. And the longer I wait to appease him, the more obvious that will become. And I just can’t imagine he’ll live up to his word if he knows I’m pregnant.  
        “Where have you been?” Macready snaps, ripping me from my thoughts, and it’s only then that I realize that I’m in Sanctuary again. Me having been so distracted that I hardly paid my surroundings any attention. A very dangerous thing to do in the wasteland.  
        “I, uh…had to go talk with the raiders,” I mutter, and my response does nothing to ease him. Not like I actually thought it would, but I’m kind of sick of lying to him. Something I will only have to keep doing if I’m to follow through on Gage’s request.  
        “You went to Concord by yourself,” he says, unimpressed.  
        “I’ve done it before, Macready…”  
        “Yeah, but you’re pregnant now,” he says, and my eyes widen while glancing around the area to assure no one heard. He retreats a bit after that. Because I told him I didn’t want anyone to know yet. “Scarlett,” he groans. “You can’t just…do things like that by yourself, all right? Last time, you…you didn’t come back for an entire month. And I don’t think I could handle something like that again. Especially now, given the circumstances.”  
        I hesitate. “I’m…I’m sorry,” I say weakly.  
        He sighs. “It’s okay, just…don’t do it again. All right?” I nod, and he brings his arm around me to escort me toward our home. But, oh man, this is going to be bad. If venturing outside of the gates of Sanctuary for even just an hour upsets him, I don’t know what I’m to do about an entire evening. Because surely he’ll know who’s to blame.  
        But even in the next few days, no solution comes to mind. And even entertaining the idea of spending the night with Gage while Macready sleeps in the bed next to me makes me sick with guilt. I watch him. Sleeping so soundly, completely unaware of the lies I’ve told him. Shit, at this point, I’m no better than Gage. Maybe we deserve each other.  
        I reach out my hand and run my fingers through his hair, but even that small movement causes him to stir, and I pull my hand away. He opens his eyes and looks at me, sleepily. “Are you okay?” he asks, and I nod.  
        “I just…wanted to touch you.”  
        He grabs my arm and turns onto his back to pull me onto his chest. And again, I can feel his heartbeat. The feeling being so precious and dear to me that I can’t resist kissing his chest.  And he snickers at the feeling. “That tickles,” he says, his voice scratchy.  
        “You want me to stop?”  
        He shakes his head. “No, I like it.”  
        So I start kissing his chest again and work my way down to his stomach. And when I start going lower, his snickering turns into heavy breathing. I look up at him, staring down at me as if waiting for me to continue. He brings his hand to the side of my face, and I kiss his palm. But that insatiable desire takes over me. They need for this kind of physical touch is debilitating at times, and it’s the same as my first pregnancy. Hell, Nate could hardly keep up.  
        I don’t know what it is about being pregnant. Raging hormones, I guess. But Macready’s never looked so sexy to me before. And I want more from him. I touch him through his boxer briefs, run my hand over his growing bulge, and it sends chills down my body. Especially when he quivers and throws his head back on the pillow. He swallows hard. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you touching me like this.” He sort of chuckles, and I smirk. “It’s like the first time all over again. Every time.”  
        I pull his underwear down, freeing his erection from their binds. I’m all too eager to touch him. To run my lips along his shaft and lick any bit of pre-cum beading out of the tip of his cock.      “Mmmm…” I moan. “I need some affection, baby.”  
        “Anything you want…” he pants, and when I wrap my lips around the head of his dick, he moans. “Oh yeah…” I grip him firmly, and work my way further onto him, inserting as much of him in my mouth as possible. And when I reach the base of him, he shudders. “I love when you do this to me…it feels so good, Scarlett.”  
        So I keep going, pleasuring him in this way. Because it certainly gets me just as aroused as he’s becoming. My skin feels like it’s on fire, and every heavy breath he makes, every moan, it builds up that dire need inside of me. I want him so deep inside of me, and I want it so bad that I think I’ll die if I don’t have him.  
        His hard cock, it throbs in my mouth, making me feral. And I’m ready to mount him and fuck him all night. Because I don’t think just one go is going to be enough for me. “I wanna be fucked. Hard, Macready…and I want you to do it to me all…night…long,” I say while jerking him off, and he exhales heavily.  
        “I think I can make that happen.”  
        A wry smile breaks across my face, and I start sucking him again. He moans and runs his fingers through my hair, guiding me up and down. Just like Gage used to do. Ah, fucking Gage. Always coming to ruin my fun. I remove him from my mouth and start kissing his thighs, up to his stomach again. But the sound of Duncan crying from across the hall…it puts a damper on things. And I can’t help but groan.  
        “Uh…just…hang on a sec…”  
        I push Macready back onto the bed. “No, let…let me go. You’ve got…um…”  
        He smirks. “A hard on?”  
        “Yep.” I push myself to the edge of the bed and stand to exit the room. Duncan’s door is left cracked because he doesn’t like sleeping with the door closed. And it seems that even the faint glow from his candle brings him no comfort. Because he’s crying hysterically.  
        I enter the room. “Hey, bud. What’s the matter?” I ask while approaching his bed, and he’s sitting up, wailing, his face red.  
        “I want my daddy,” he cries, and it kind of breaks my heart.  
        “It’s okay…I’m here,” I say while sitting on the edge of his bed. But he swings at me. Like he’s trying to hit me, and I back away. “Duncan…”  
        “Daddy!” he cries, and when I try to approach again, he swings his hand at me again. It kind of breaks my heart, to be honest. I know that the two of us have hardly had time to bond, but I figured he’d at least give me a chance. He’s four though, and I can’t blame him for wanting his father over me.  
        “Okay, shush…” Macready announces while entering the room, now wearing a pair of pants. “It’s okay, bud. I’m right here.” I back away and Macready moves past me to sit on the edge of  Duncan’s bed. And as soon as he does, his young son crawls onto him, wrapping his arms and legs around him, bawling the entire time. “Come on, Duncan…you gotta calm down.”  
        “I want…want mommy,” he cries, and I just can’t bear it. It’s too much for my sensitive self right now, this poor child not really understanding the idea of death. And poor Macready for having to be the one to explain such a thing.  
        Macready sighs. “I know, bud. But I’m here now.” But Duncan’s eyes lock on to me.  
        “Go away!” he shouts, and I hold my hands up in retreat.  
        “Okay.”  
        “I’m sorry, just…give me a minute,” Macready says. And I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in my own house before. I exit the room and close the door behind me, almost tempted to go see  Shaun just to have a bit of assurance that one of the kids loves me. But I don’t. Because that’s pathetic.  
        I return to my room and climb under the covers, vowing—promising to myself to never let my baby feel the way Duncan feels right now. Because I can only imagine how traumatizing that must be for a child so young. The sweet baby. And even though my feelings are hurt, I don’t blame him or Macready. Their family—much like my own—has been broken. And is scrambling to pick up the pieces.  
        I know that feeling all too well.  
        Macready doesn’t return to bed that evening, and I assume it’s because he feels Duncan needs him more, which is true. His child comes first, and I adore that about him. But fearing an awkward interaction between the two the next morning, I stay in bed until I know the coast is clear, though I can’t avoid them forever. We share a home.  
        Mostly, I want to avoid angering Duncan again or having to face Macready’s oh-so apologetic stare. His attempts at making me feel better about the situation, which, he really has no reason to try. It’s awkward for me, and awkward for him, I’m sure. The two of us, we don’t talk about our dead spouses. And I’m not exactly looking forward to the conversation being brought up any time soon.  
        I walk outside, and a cold breeze sends a chill down my spine. I pull my jacket tighter around me and shield my eyes to look up to the sky. Storm clouds are rolling in, covering the sun and every bit of warmth it creates. “General,” my Minuteman messenger says while approaching me. “This just came for you.”  
        The very sort of interaction that used to give me butterflies now burdens me. I take the envelope from him, and my eyes dart across the street to the playground where Macready and Duncan play. But our eyes meet. His seem sympathetic. Like he has something he needs to apologize for. And I can’t help but think the expression on my face is one of guilt.  
        I turn away from him and tear open the envelope. The lone piece of paper with Gage’s handwriting scribbled across the middle. I’M GROWING IMPATIENT, SCARLETT.  
        Something needs to be done. Because he won’t wait much longer.  
        The sound of a bell ringing breaks my train of thought though, and it takes me a moment to register what’s happening. It’s the bell outside of the Minutemen conference house. Preston needs to speak with us. I glance to Macready again, and he seems intrigued. And within seconds, he’s by my side, following me to the meeting.  
        “We’ve gotten word that Tenpines Bluff is having raider problems,” Preston says from the podium, and my heart falls into my stomach.  
        “What kind of raiders?” I ask, terrified that Gage might have started branching out to my settlements after becoming too impatient to wait for a reply.  
        “A kind we’ve never seen before. They have robots with them, and these things have been reinforced for battle. They’ve destroyed most all of the crops at Tenpines, and are threatening to do more if they don’t give them what they want,” he says.  
        “Hey, I’ve heard of those guys. Call themselves the Rust Devils,” one of the Minutemen say, and even though it’s bad news one of our settlements have been targeted, I’m relieved to know it’s no one from the Nuka-World outfit.  
        “Whoever they are, this situation needs to be dealt with.” Preston looks to me. “Tenpines Bluff’s defenses have been weak from the beginning. And there aren’t enough Minutemen residing at the settlement to do much against these raiders and their robots.”  
        “So, what do you propose?” I ask.  
        “I’d like to head out there and lead an attack. I can take some men from here. I’m sure we can spare a few bodies,” he says, and I shake my head.  
        “No, we can’t. We’re still on lockdown, and…we need all the people we have in case the Brotherhood comes for another attack.”  
        “Or those raiders in Concord decide they’re done playing nice,” Macready nips.  
        But that gives me an idea. “Preston, I think you’re right about one thing. You definitely should go. But take Macready with you.”  
        I feel his eyes shoot to me. “You want me to go?” he asks.  
        “I think the two of you are fully capable of leading the attack on these Rust Devils. And with the Minutemen we have out there in the area, it shouldn’t be too difficult to take them down.  Not with the two of you there.” He seems skeptical. “Look, I’d go myself, but…you know I can’t.” His expression softens. And he nods.  
        “I think it’s a good plan, General,” Preston says. “The rest of you, you’ll be on your regular posts. Business as usual until we return.”  
        “Don’t worry, Preston. I’ve got it covered here,” I mutter, but that fucking guilt again, it devours me from within.  
        I take the lead while exiting the conference house, in desperate need of fresh air and a few moments to clear my head. Because as much as I don’t want any of this to happen, it’s happening. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Not if I want Gage and his raiders back in Nuka-World where they belong.  
        “Hey,” Macready calls while running to catch up to me. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” he asks, and I’m not really sure what he means.  
        “Yes. We’ve got a lot of people here. Everything’s…everything’s going to be fine,” I assure. But even I can’t convince myself.  
        “Look, I know you don’t like being told what to do or…being babied, but…will you just promise me you’ll be careful when I’m gone? Don’t…don’t go venturing out anywhere on your own.  The Brotherhood still pose a major threat to you, and whether you like to believe it or not, your raider friends in Concord shouldn’t be trusted.”  
        I nod. “Yeah, I know. I’ll be fine. You just worry about yourself and having Preston’s back. And…make sure you come back safe, okay? Don’t leave me here with these freaking kids,” I say, and he chuckles. “You sure you’re okay with this?”  
        “I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been itching for some excitement. But I want you to be safe when I’m gone. We’re leaving tomorrow morning, probably before you even get up. I won’t wake you to say goodbye, but…don’t make me regret that.” I smile warmly at him and bring my hands to his chest, and he pulls me into him. “We should only be gone a couple days.”  
        “Just…come back in one piece.”  
        “I’ve done this a million times, Scarlett. You have nothing to worry about.” Yes, I know. And my concern isn’t for his safety, really. It’s for my own. Spending an entire night with Gage, and      I’m not sure what all will be revealed to him. I pull back from Macready. I need to get the message to Concord before Gage gets too impatient and calls the whole thing off. “Look,” Macready  begins, pulling me back into conversation. And I already know where this is going. “I’m sorry about last night. About what happened with Duncan. You just…have to understand that…” I hold  my hands up.  
        “It’s okay, I get it. We don’t need to talk about it.”  
        His expression softens. “I just don’t want you taking anything he does or says personal. He doesn’t really…understand what’s happening here.” He sighs. “He doesn’t really understand that he’ll never see his mom again. And that’s my fault. I just…don’t know how to go about telling him these things.”  
        “You’re trying with him, Rob. That’s what matters. You don’t have to worry about me. Just…worry about your son.”  
        He smiles slightly. “I knew you’d understand.” He pulls me into him again, and I rest my head on his chest. But I feel uneasy. And nauseous as hell.  
        I decide to stand guard for the first shift that night, insisting that Macready and Duncan take my bed to spend more time together in case he has another episode. But really, I’m too anxious about my outgoing message to Gage to relax enough to even attempt sleep. TOMORROW EVENING. It’s all I say before sending the message off to Concord. And it seems like hours pass before a figure appears in the distance, carrying his response.  
        “General, a message,” one of my men say while holding out the envelope to me, and I hardly let him finish before snatching it away.  
        I tear it open and unfold the lone piece of paper, my hands trembling as I do. SOUNDS GOOD. I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU.  
        And his response is enough to break me.


	6. Saying Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two of "A World On Fire."
> 
> After escaping Nuka-World and making her way back to Sanctuary, Scarlett tries to find some stability and happiness in her old life in an attempt to make up for the mistakes of her past and paint a brighter future for her family. But Porter Gage doesn't want to give her up so easily, and his desperation to win her back leads him to commit some heinous crimes.
> 
> *Scarlett and Gage have a hard time saying good bye.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit sexual language/Explicit sexual content.
> 
> What did you expect?

        Just as Macready said, he’s gone when I awake the next morning, and I spend the morning taking care of the boys while Codsworth assists. But my mind is distracted. Even after breakfast with Duncan and Shaun sitting at the dining room table drawing, I can’t think of anything to say to them. Because everything I have to say, it’s for Gage. And I’m not sure how this evening will play out.  
        I watch Shaun drawing some sort of technical sketch—no doubt for a weapon or some kind of armor he wishes to make while Duncan draws a picture of…I’m assuming him and his family in front of a house. “Is this your home back in the Capital Wasteland?” I ask.  
        “Mhmm.” It’s all he says. But I don’t mind in this moment. Because that’s really all I had. But once they’ve had their fill of drawing, I take them to the park. And while I know I should be making more of an effort with them, like how Macready does, I feel sick and anxious about my meeting with Gage tonight. And about Macready.  
        I hope he’s okay. And while he’s off risking his neck for the sake of the Minutemen, I’ll be off gallivanting with another man. Jesus, I don’t deserve him. I’m not sure if I’ve always been this way and the circumstances make it hard to pretend to be something different, or if Gage is just rubbing off on me. I prefer the latter, to be honest. Because maybe once he’s gone, I won’t ever feel the need to tell another lie.  
        My only comfort is the guilt I’m feeling. That must be an indication that I have some good left in me. Gage, I assume, never feels guilty about anything.  
        The day drags on. Time seems to be moving so slowly, which I thought I’d be grateful for. But strangely, I’m not. I don’t know if I just want to get it over with or if the anticipation is just killing me. I’m scared of the tricks he’ll pull. And I’m terrified I’ll fall right back into him again. But spending time with Gage, just the two of us. It scares me and excites me all at the same time.  
        As the sun starts to fade and Codsworth prepares dinner for the boys, I start getting ready for the evening. Nothing too special. The last thing I want is for Gage to think I put a lot of effort into how I look. Because I have a feeling he’ll be looking for the fault in my desire for him to leave all night. But my problem isn’t deciding on something to make me look good for him. It’s deciding on something that will hide my stomach enough.  
        It’s like out of nowhere, this fear that he’ll see my stomach and know I’m pregnant just came flying at me. And now I’m starting to realize that I was thinner last he saw me. At least my stomach was. Whether or not he’ll take it as a pregnancy is obviously still to be determined. And sure, if I tense my stomach muscles, I hardly look any different at all. But it’s in my clothes that I can tell the difference. Tighter around my breasts and stomach. And after trying on my third shirt, I feel defeated. I pull it off of me and toss it aside before sitting on the edge of my bed, naked, broken. My hand over my pregnant belly, and now I’m looking for any reason to cancel.  
        The sky is light pink now. Gage will be expecting me soon. I decide on a flowy, white sundress. Not because I want to look pretty for him. But because it’s the only thing I have that doesn’t cling to my stomach, and the neckline is conservative enough to where my boobs aren’t bulging out. And while I’m certain I’m just being paranoid, I feel this is the best course of action.   Because I can go the whole night without him noticing any of my problem areas.  
        I strap Hancock’s knife to my thigh and my pistol to the other and then pull the dress down to hide my weapons. Because I’m not about to walk to Concord by myself in near darkness unarmed. I grab a black trench coat from the closet so nowhere sees me in a fucking dress and thinks “what’s that about?” And after having a few words with Codsworth and saying goodbye to Shaun and Duncan, I leave the house.  
        I told them I’d be on guard duty all night. And while heading to the gates of Sanctuary, I feel as though everyone’s watching me. Knowing exactly what I’m up to. “Hey, General,” one of the gate guards says as I approach. “You leaving?” he asks, perplexed.  
        “I, uh…I’m heading out to Abernathy Farm to pick up some supplies. We’re…low on a lot of things since our supply lines have been halted.”  
        Great, now I’m lying to everyone. And over explaining, which is an indication of lying.  
        “You want us to send someone with you?” the guard asks.  
        “No, no…I’ll be fine. I’ll probably stay the night out there, but…I should be back early in the morning, so…I don’t need anyone to come.”  
        “You sure?” he asks, concerned, and I’m really growing weary of this sort of thing.  
        “Yes. I’ve been in the Commonwealth by myself many times. I’ll be fine.”  
        “Okay, General. Whatever you say.” He’s not pleased. But Gage won’t be either if I show up with a Minuteman escort. And once the gates open and I head out of Sanctuary. I feel like I can breathe again. Like I made it out of my parents’ house once more, completely undetected. Only that relief is short lived when the lights from Concord come into view.  
        The raider guards have been expecting me. “It’s about time you show up. The boss is getting antsy,” one of them says while leading the way into Concord, and it’s strange to hear him say that. Gage, the Overboss. Though in my time there, he pretty much was the Overboss disguised as the Aide-de-camp, but it’s strange to hear him referred to as such.  
        I’m brought to the main building again and escorted up the stairs and to the back room that Gage has claimed as his own. We stop in front of the closed door, and my heart is pounding out of my chest. And when my escort knocks, I feel paralyzed. “Come in,” Gage’s booming voice says, and the escort looks to me and nods.  
        Here we go. I open the door and enter the room, but I’m immediately taken back by the scene within. Everything is tidy, cleaned up and in the appropriate order. Not at all as disheveled as my other visits. The table in front of me is lined with candles, giving the room a nice, warm glow. Much like our quarters back in Nuka-World. But even more inexplicable, two plates with food, two water glasses with a bottle of purified water in between them, and a bottle of wine with two more empty glasses.  
        The escort closes the door behind me, but I can’t take my eyes off of the spread on the table. And even the shitty little bed in the corner, another has been brought in and pushed against it to make it seem bigger, and clean sheets cover the mattresses. Yeah…I should have figured that’s where he expected the evening to go.  
        I remove my trench coat and set it on a nearby chair. “Wow…look at you,” Gage says, and I look over to him, standing by the window, smoking a cigarette. But the expression on his face is one I haven’t seen in a while. He seems pleasantly surprised. “You didn’t have to get all dressed up for me, babe. But you look…real nice.”  
        I don’t really know how to respond. Because I didn’t get dressed up for him. But I can’t exactly say “I’m trying to hide my pregnant belly from you, and this is the only thing that allows me to do that,” so I keep my mouth shut. “What’s all this?” I ask while motioning to the table.  
        “I figured you might be hungry.”  
        “Okay, but where’d you get it?” I ask. Because the food on the plate? Much too nice for a raider to just happen upon. Brahmin steak, potatoes, and sliced tato. And it looks seasoned as well.   Yeah, this is suspicious. “And the dishes?”  
        “Well, the steak came from a Brahmin my men shot down. The other stuff I bought from a farm nearby,” he says, and I raise my eyebrow to him.  
        “You paid for food? You expect me to believe that?”  
        He hesitates and folds his arms over his chest. “Come on, Scarlett. Give me some credit here. I knew you’d be askin’ about all this. Didn’t think you’d be too pleased if I told ya I stole it all.  So I figured I’d just pay for it. Save me the headache.” A weak smile breaks across his face. “Guess that really didn’t work, did it?”  
        “If you really did pay for it, then…I’m pleased.”  
        Again, he gives me a weak smile. I go to sit down, and Gage puts out his cigarette and rushes over to me. “Let me…” he grabs the chair and pulls it out for me, and I’m not sure how to handle this “gentlemanly” side of him. I’m not sure I like it, to be honest. Because I feel he’s up to something. Never in the time I spent with Gage has he ever shown any indications that he could ever pass for a gentleman.  
        Well…other than that time he brought me clean sheets when my back was wounded. And all those times he averted his eyes when my chest was exposed after said injuries. And the time he carried me back to my quarters because I was too wounded after the bottling plant.  
        All right, he has his moments. I guess.  
        “Thanks,” I say while sitting, and he pushes my chair forward.  
        “You thirsty?” he asks and starts filling my glass with the purified water. “I got this wine too, if you’re interested. A bottle of…” he grabs the bottle and studies it. “Amon…ti…lado.” I chuckle at the sound of him mispronouncing the name. Because it’s endearing. And he looks at me with a smirk. “What?”  
        I shake my head. “Nothing. Thank you, but…no wine for me.”  
        “It’s supposed to be real good,” he says, and I really hope he doesn’t press this.  
        I inhale deeply. “Maybe later?”  
        He nods and puts it back on the table. “Yeah, okay.” He takes the chair next to me in front of his plate. And then in his true fashion, plants one of his boots on the edge of the table. And then he just studies me, his face leaning in his hand on the arm of the chair…leaning away from me, but watching every move I make. “You gonna eat?” he asks.  
        “Uh…okay.” I grab my fork and then my knife and take a bite of the potatoes. Oh, it’s so good. The caliber of our food in Sanctuary has dropped drastically since our supply lines were halted, so this is a very nice treat. But Gage just continues to watch me, making me feel uncomfortable. I take a sip of water to wash the food down, but I just can’t ignore the awkwardness of the situation anymore. “Are you going to eat?”  
        “Not right now,” he says quietly. I give him a strange look and then take another bite of my food. “Hey, remember when we cleared out Kiddie Kingdom?” he asks. But how could I forget? It really wasn’t all that long ago.  
        “Yeah.”  
        A smirk spreads across his face. “I had…a real good time that day. And I was thinkin’ about it earlier. When you tackled me to get me off the tracks, or…when you pulled me into that spinning room with the ghouls. I mean, at the time it was a real pain in the ass, but…I had more fun with you that day than I’d had…in a long time.” I sigh heavily. Because I’m not so sure I can go down this path with him. It might break me, and I need to stay strong this evening.  
        “Hmm. What I remember about that day is being thrown from a building and almost dying,” I mutter while setting my fork down. Because it’s just too awkward to eat when he’s just watching me.  
        “Yeah, I remember that too. I remember it scared the hell outta me.” His expression fades into sadness, and it’s enough to make me roll my eyes, though he doesn’t seem to notice. “I thought you’d fallen to your death. I was glad to know you were more resilient than that.”  
        Okay, I can’t. “Cut the bullshit, Gage.”  
        “What?” he asks, offended.  
        “I read your holotape, remember? You didn’t give a shit about me back then. Hell, you even said after what happened at the bottling plant that you wished I would have just died so you didn’t have to deal with me anymore.”  
        “I didn’t mean all that, Scarlett…”  
        “Just, stop. Stop trying to manipulate me. It’s not going to work anymore.”  
        “I ain’t tryin’ to manipulate you,” he snaps. “I’m bein’ honest.” He’s quiet for a moment, no doubt trying to get a hold on his temper, but I can see his face turning red and the veins on the side of his head popping out. But I don’t care if I anger him right now. I’m not falling for his shit anymore, and if he has any intention of the night going the way he plans, it’s best if he just stops trying so hard. “Scarlett…you have to understand that…what you read was just words. It didn’t mean nothin’…”  
        “Oh, spare me,” I groan.  
        “It’s the truth,” he snaps again, still unable to control his temper. But he tries, taking a moment to calm himself before continuing. And even that little bit of control he’s showing—even though it gets away from him for a few seconds—it’s endearing. “I was venting, Scarlett. You pissed me off that day you went off to the bottling plant. Rejected me, made me feel like a damn fool for even thinking you’d ever consider me. So yeah, when you came back all kinds of fucked up, I…I needed to let that out somehow. So…I said some things I didn’t mean.” He sighs, and I can tell that he’s searching for any explanation—anything he can say to make it right. “I mean, come on. I never thought you’d read that fuckin’ thing.”  
        “Obviously.”  
        “Haven’t you ever said something you didn’t mean before? Or are you too perfect to ever make that mistake?” he says, bitter. But he has a point. Still, one explanation for ONE of the MANY entries doesn’t suddenly make everything okay.  
        “It’s not just one thing you said, Gage. It’s everything. You used me for your own selfish gain, and you didn’t care if it hurt me in the process…”  
        “Now that ain’t true. I never wanted to hurt you. I’ve been looking out for you since the day you set foot in the Gauntlet.”  
        “All so I could do everything you wanted me to. Kill Colter, clear out the parks…use me to move into the Commonwealth…”  
        “Sure, okay. I’m a fucked up person—you got me. I ain’t ever tried to hide that from you. But…you don’t think maybe you might’ve rubbed off on me? That after I fell in love with you, I wanted to fix all the things I’d done that might’ve hurt ya? I mean, hell, Scarlett, I tried to convince the gang leaders that we didn’t need the Commonwealth anymore.” Lies, lies, lies…the only thing that ever comes out of his mouth.  
        “You wanna know what I think?” I ask.  
        “What’s that?”  
        “I think you tricked me into falling in love with you.”  
        He scoffs. “Well…I guess that explains a lot. But, come on…you don’t actually believe I lied about everything, do ya? The way I feel about you?”  
        I feel my expression soften, and I shake my head. “No. I know you love me. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.” He seems relieved to hear me say that. “But my problem isn’t trying to figure out if you really care or not. It’s that…I fell in love with someone you were pretending to be…”  
        “No. That’s bullshit…”  
        “We don’t have a future together, Gage. We want very different things out of life. And neither of us can give the other what they want.”  
        “What do you want, Scarlett? Not that…Macready guy,” he says, concerned.  
        “I want…” I sigh. “So many things. I want to live in a world where…I’m not afraid to let my son go out and play in the yard. I want to not have to carry a gun around with me at all times. I want peace and quiet. The ability to…fall asleep in my bed and not have to worry about someone coming to kill me in the middle of the night. A family…”  
        “I can give you a family, Scarlett. I can give you all those things.”  
        I shake my head. “No, you can’t. You…you’re one of the reasons people are so afraid of this world. One of the reasons I won’t let me son play outside without armed Minutemen surrounding him. One of the reasons I have to carry a gun on me every time I leave my house. And the biggest reason why I can’t sleep at night. You’re a raider, Gage. And you have been your whole life. A lot of innocent lives have been ended because of you, and…I can’t have a family with you. Because I don’t want my children to live that way.”  
        He stares at me for a moment, and he seems disturbed by my words. He stands abruptly and moves to the window, keeping his back to me while lighting a cigarette. “Well, all right then.  No sense in beatin’ a dead horse, I guess,” he mutters.  
        We’re quiet for a long time, and he keeps his back to me while smoking his cigarette. I can’t help but feel he’s trying to hide his sadness from me. “I don’t like hurting you, Gage.”  
        “Yeah…I don’t much like it either. Kinda would just rather take a bullet to the chest.”  
        I know exactly how he feels, and it’s devastating. “You know, when Nate died…when I saw him get shot and then…watched these two strangers take my baby from his arms, it was…and still is…the worst pain I’ve ever felt. And…even though sixty years passed before I made it out of that pod, it was like it all happened only a second before.” He turns to face me, leaning against the wall once more while smoking his cigarette. “God, I never thought I’d get over that feeling. I never imagined I’d ever get over Nate, and…I don’t think I really have. Because to me, it feels like it only happened a few months ago. But…I knew I had to move on or that pain would kill me. And…then I met you. And you managed to numb that pain. Made me realize that…I could love again. And even though it didn’t work out with us, I have…that hope again. You know?”  
        “This supposed to be making me feel better?” he mutters, unimpressed.  
        I sigh, frustrated. “I’m just saying…you’re capable of loving someone, Gage. You’ve proved that to me and to yourself. And I believe that you’ll…find someone better suited for you. And you’ll be able to put all this behind you.”  
        He shrugs. “Maybe you’re right.”  
        I nod. “Maybe I am.”  
        He’s quiet for a moment, thinking intently about something. “I’d like to fuck you now, Scarlett. If that’s all right with you.”  
        His candor practically paralyzes me, but I knew at some point, it’s what he would want. Though this was a bit earlier than I was expecting. Still, if I want him to follow up on his word and go back to Nuka-World, I have to play nice. “Okay.”  
        He flicks his cigarette across the room and approaches me. And every step he takes closer to me, my heart beats faster and faster until he stands over me. And my heart is beating so hard,   I’m certain he can hear. He holds his hand out to me, and I hesitate to grab it.  
        He pulls me up, and as soon as I’m standing, he pulls me into him. One of his hands immediately moving to my ass while the over moves to my face to bring my lips closer to his. He parts his lips and sticks his tongue deep inside of my mouth. And the feeling, I can’t deny, is exhilarating. “Mmmm,” he groans through the kiss while squeezing a handful of my ass, lifting my dress slightly as he does.  
        But he releases me after that, and his eager hands move to the buttons on the top part of my dress. Already, he’s breathing heavily against my face, and I can feel the heat coming from him. But I become insecure in this moment. And more than anything, I want to pull away from him before he exposes my upper body.  
        But he finishes before I find the courage and pulls the top part of my dress open, revealing my bra and the top of my ribcage. He smiles and runs his hands down the side of my body  before resting them on my waist. And then he tightens his grip a bit. It tickles, but also makes me tremble with fear. Fear that he might figure me out. “Fillin’ out there, ain’t ya?” he asks   through a smirk, and I fucking knew he’d notice. Because Gage knows my body better than anyone.  
        But my hormones are going crazy. One minute, I’m desperate for sex. The next, I’m ready to bite the head off of anyone who pisses me off. I exhale heavily, exasperated while buttoning my dress again. “I don’t know what I was thinking. This was a bad idea, Gage…” I say while pulling away from him, but I feel his hand on my forearm.  
        “Hey, hold up now…” he pulls me back into him and buries his face into the back of my neck. And sure, having him this close feels nice. But I’m still cranky. Moody because of how I feel and insecure about how I look. “Come on, baby. I never said it was a bad thing. I like a woman with a little extra meat on her bones.”  
        I scoff. “You’re such an ass.”  
        “And you’re the sexiest fuckin’ thing I ever saw.” I can’t contain a smirk. He pulls me further back into him, and I feel his erection pressing against my ass. “I’d like to get back to our evening, if that’s all right with you,” he says through heavy breaths. But I’m being an ass, and I know I am. So I try and play nice, knowing that this is the only way Gage will go back to Nuka-World. It’s what’s best for him and for myself.  
        He reaches his hands around me and starts unbuttoning my dress again. “Gage…” But I can’t even come up with any words to protest. Because I just don’t want to. I’ve been craving him for weeks, craving some sort of physical stimulation. Especially after Macready and I’s failed attempts. And now here he is, the object of my darkest desires, pressed into my back, hard as rock and breathing heavily into my neck. He needs this. And so do I.  
        Once my dress is unbuttoned, he inhales deeply and a growl escapes him while running his hands up my abdomen and over my breasts. “Shit, baby…your tits got so big,” he says through clenched teeth. “I can barely even fit ‘em in my hands anymore.” He kisses my neck while running his hands over my breasts, and a quiver escapes him. “There somethin’ you ain’t tellin’ me, Scarlett?”  
        I hesitate to speak. Because how am I supposed to answer him? What am I supposed to say? But his hands in my hair, pushing it aside to expose the back of my neck distracts me. And his warm mouth on my neck, it sends chills down my spine. “Gage,” I quiver, and I really didn’t even mean to say anything.  
        “Come here,” he says while spinning me around to face him. “Let me see those fuckin’ things.” He grabs handfuls of my breasts again, staring down at them in wonderment. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” he says while running his hands over them, pushing them together as if they’re some kind of toy.  
        “Having fun?”  
        He glances at me, but he can’t keep his eyes away from my chest for too long with that stupid grin on his face. “You have no fuckin’ idea,” he says.  
        He pulls one of the cups aside, exposing my left breast. And I hardly have any time to feel insecure because not a second later, that part of me is in his mouth. For a moment, I feel guilty as hell. Guilty that Macready is out doing my dirty work, and here I am, exposed in front of another man while he licks and sucks at my breasts. But the feeling of his tongue encircling my nipple, his warm mouth sucking at me. The gentleness in which he does these things, it’s utterly invigorating. I can’t contain a moan.  
        I bring my hand to his head and run my fingers through his Mohawk. “Gage,” I pant.  
        He moans through his pleasure of pleasuring me, tightening his grip on me as he does. And his eagerness takes over as he forces me back against the table. And then he stops. He rests his forehead on my chest, breathing heavily as he does. And when I bring my hand to the side of his face, he grabs my wrist and removes it from him slowly before kissing my palm.  
        He replaces the cup on my exposed breast, covering me completely once again. I’m not sure what to think. “You can go, Scarlett,” he says and then moves away from me. Moves to the other side of the room, avoiding eye contact with me. And I’m stunned.  
        “What?” I ask.  
        “Just go,” he says quietly. “Now. Before I change my mind.” I feel like this is a test, but I don’t hesitate to button my dress again and make my way to the door, grabbing my trench coat as I pass. “Scarlett?” Gage calls, and I look to him. There’s so much sadness in him, and he hesitates to speak. “I, uh…I love you.”  
        I can’t even bring myself to say the words before leaving him, probably for the last time, in my mind. And it feels like I can’t get out of the building fast enough. But when I run out into the evening air, heart pounding from the excitement I felt only minutes before, something stops me from continuing on home. An annoying voice in the back of my mind telling me that Gage will remain in Concord if this is how I end the evening.  
        I look back at the building, toward the second level window to Gage’s quarters. Son of a bitch. Surely he’d follow up on his deal if he gave me permission to leave. But I have to be sure.  Otherwise all this lying and sneaking around was for nothing.  
        “Gage?” I call while entering his room again, and he turns to me, looking exasperated and a bit out of sorts. But when I see blood dripping from his hand, a sort of panic comes over me.      “What’d you do?” I ask, concerned while approaching him.  
        “It’s nothing, Scarlett…” he tries to push me away, but I grab his wrist to get a better look at his palm. It’s gushing blood, and there’s a shard of glass sticking out from his wound. And that’s when I realize the broken Amontillado bottle and wine at my feet.  
        “Clumsy fool,” I nip while grabbing a bit of cloth from the table. I pull the piece of glass from his hand and press the cloth onto his palm. “Hold it tight.”  
        He clenches his hand around the cloth. “Did you forget somethin’?” he asks, and I look up to him. His narrowed eye and tight lips begging the question of whether or not I did something wrong, even though he was the one who told me to leave. I can’t help but wonder if it was a test. He likes testing me, it would seem. But I don’t answer him. I pull him over to the bed and motion for him to sit on the edge while I search the room for any medical supplies.  
        I find some alcohol and bandages tucked away in a drawer and then sit on the bed next to him. I grab his wrist and remove the cloth—already stained red from his blood. “This is going to sting a little,” I say and then pour a bit of alcohol on his cut. But he hardly reacts to the feeling.  
        We’re quiet for a bit while I clean his wound, and the tension between us is high. Me, not really sure how to ask about the deal we made and if it’s still in effect. Him…disappointed, perhaps, that I may have failed his little test. Or maybe it was that I didn’t say I love you before leaving. “I told you to go home, Scarlett. Why’d you come back?” he asks, displeased.  
        I hesitate to speak and keep my attention focused on his wound. “I wasn’t sure if you’d follow up on your word if I left.”  
        He exhales heavily, and I can’t help but glance up at his disappointed face. “Me going back to Nuka-World. That all you care about?” he groans.  
        “No. I care about you. Or else I wouldn’t be sitting here, cleaning your cut.”  
        He’s quiet for a while, and after I’m done wrapping his hand, he pulls away from me. And I watch him, waiting for his response. “Yeah. We’ll leave. Just…give us a few days to get our shit together.”  
        I can’t resist wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him in for a tight hug, though he hardly returns the gesture. “Thank you.”  
        He sighs. “You wanna act a little less excited for my sake?”  
        I’m not excited. At all. I’m relieved. And my reasons for that still remain a mystery to him. Because I’ll be honest. If I wasn’t pregnant, I probably would have gone running back to Gage by now. And that’s not a reflection of my feelings for Macready. I don’t regret building a life with him. But I don’t doubt that if a pregnancy hadn’t come into play, Macready and I wouldn’t have taken the next step in our relationship, at least, not as soon as we did. And the moment I saw Gage standing outside of Sanctuary the first time since leaving Nuka-World, I’m certain I would have caved. Especially when he promised to give up the raider lifestyle, even if I had trouble believing it like I do now.  
        I release Gage, and the two of us sit side by side in awkward silence for a moment. I’m prolonging my departure because I know it’ll be the last time I’m ever with him. And even though I am relieved he’ll head home in a few days, that realization does sting. “Well…I should head back to Sanctuary now…”  
        “I want to…” He groans, frustrated about something. “I’d like to…kiss you one more time before you go,” he says. It’s probably not a good idea, I can’t help but think. But the vulnerability in his eyes, his tongue moving across his sweet, sensual lips to wet them a bit…I can hardly resist. Because it’ll be the last time I ever feel those lips against mine.  
        I nod. “Okay,” I say quietly.  
        He leans into me slowly, and his breath on my lips sends chills down my body. He kisses me softly. Such a sweet, intimate and restrained act. Because that’s all he does. All he gives me. One simple kiss before pulling away.  
        I’m left feeling despondent after he pulls away from me. Because in his eyes, all I see is unconditional love. And as much as he wants to try and be the bad guy, his love for me has finally taken over him, allowing him to give me what I need. And it’s a beautiful thing to witness. A very selfless act, one I never thought he was capable of. “You can stay here tonight if you want,” he says quietly. “We don’t have to do nothin’, and…I can pull the beds apart.”  
        “Gage…”  
        “Either that or…let me walk you back. It’s…real dark out. I’d feel more comfortable if you didn’t travel alone.” But that’s not a good idea either. After telling my men I’d be at Abernathy Farm for the evening and then showing up an hour later with the leader of the raider gang from Concord. The whole settlement will be talking by morning.  
        “I’ll, uh…I’ll stay,” I say weakly. Because I’m ashamed of how bad I really want to. It’s your last time with him, Scarlett. The last time you’ll ever get to look at him, talk to him, and feel the warmth of him lying beside you. Yes, I want to stay.  
        But Gage looks as though I just granted him his dying wish. “Thanks.”  
        The two of us sit in awkward silence for a bit until I find a bit of strength in me to kick off my boots and lower myself onto the bed. I reach for him, and he moves beside me, the two of us facing each other. Taking in every moment as best we can and hardly ever looking away for too long. But it’s more than just staring at each other intently. As if studying the contours of each other’s face, hoping it’ll be embedded in our memories forever.  
        We talk for what feels like hours. About nothing in particular, really. Just…life. Our hopes for the future, even though it seems the two of us hold back in that topic. Mostly because it’s painful to know we want be a part of each other’s lives after tonight. I express my desires to retire soon and settle down with Shaun—obviously having to leave Macready, Duncan, and the new baby out of the picture. And Gage says he wishes to do the same sometime soon.  
        “I think once I get things under control at Nuka-World I’ll start to think about slowing down a bit. More than anything, I’d like to point us in the direction of a legitimate settlement. I came up with this idea to use the market as our biggest source of income. And then maybe…after a few months of being fully operational, open up the rest of the parks for people to come in and out of. Spend their caps, get wasted. Have a good old time before heading back to their miserable lives in the Commonwealth. Or wherever they might be heading.”  
        “Like a vacation resort?” I ask through a smirk.  
        He chuckles. “Somethin’ like that. Only maybe not as family oriented as the founders intended. No, I see it more as a place to unwind and let off some steam for the more…undesirable types. The people who aren’t welcome anywhere else.”  
        “So…raiders.”  
        “Not just raiders. But, yeah, that’s gonna be a big part of it. Hell, the only way to keep people from takin’ it from us is to establish our dominance over the land. They need to know who they’re dealin’ with before walkin’ through those gates. Any of that shady shit just ain’t gonna fly, and I’d like to see someone try and pull a fast one on us.”  
        “You need a lot of money to pull something like that off.”  
        “Yeah. That’s why it’ll take a while before I know I can retire. Gotta get the market up and running again because after what happened with the Disciples, shit’s gone way downhill. But Mags and William have a few ideas. Hell, we’re even thinkin’ about openin’ up a casino out in Galactic Zone.” I can’t help but smile. “What?” he asks.  
        I shake my head. “Nothing, I just…I’ve always admired your determination. If only you’d put it to something good…”  
        “I mean, I’m tryin’, aren’t I? Might not be as good as your Minutemen, but…at least it ain’t just a giant death trap, luring people in and killin’ for sport anymore.”  
        Sure, that’s true. But for the first time since we got to talking, I avert my eyes from him. Because I’m afraid of his next response. “You still moving into the Commonwealth?” I ask.  
        He hesitates and looks away from me. As if ashamed. “I’m tryin’, Scarlett. Doin’ everything I can to convince the gang leaders we don’t need to do that anymore. But…maybe if I just give ‘em…one or two outposts, it’ll get ‘em off my back.”  
        I feel my stomach turn though. And suddenly, I’m very worried for his safety. Because it never occurred to me before just how badly this could end for Gage as he already lost a bit of faith from the gang leaders after Colter. And now, I’m sure, after me. “They’re not going to hurt you, are they?” I ask, but the despondence in his eye when he looks up at me chills me to my core.    And I wish there was a way to help him.  
        “Let’s talk about somethin’ else, all right?”  
        But my mind is even more troubled than before. Because now I feel like I’m sentencing him to his death by sending him back to Nuka-World. Even if they gangs are still on his side, I can’t help but feel that if he continues trying to appease me and my wishes, it’ll end in his demise. I bring my hand to the side of his face, but his damn eyepatch is in the way. So I pull it off of him, and he sort of retreats after that. As if I’ve never seen him without it before. And only when I touch his face again, does he calm a bit. “I don’t want you to get hurt, Gage.”  
        He inches closer to me, bringing his hand to my waist as he does. “I ain’t stupid enough to get taken out like Colter, if that’s what you’re worried about. And I promise that if shit starts goin’ south, I’ll get the hell outta dodge before they can try anythin’.”  
        I smirk. “I hope so.”  
        “Maybe…I dunno…sometime in the future…when you’ve found it in yourself to forgive me, you and I can maybe…shit, you know what I’m sayin’.”  
        “Maybe.” But that won’t happen. As much as I like to think that somewhere down the line Gage and I can set aside our differences, so long as I keep this pregnancy from him, we can never have a future. Because I’m not so sure he’d ever forgive me for the secrets I keep.  
        “I’d like to kiss you again, if that’s all right,” he says. And it’s not a good idea. Because I know exactly where it will lead. Being this close to him, so close that I can feel the warmth of him,   I’m not so sure I’ll be able to resist. But my sexual frustrations as of late make it difficult to deny the sweet gesture, and when I feel his lips against mine, I feel like I’m melting.  
        His soft lips against mine, his smooth tongue in my mouth, the stubble on his face, his scent…it’s enough to completely overpower me. And I blame all the nights I’ve tried to initiate something with Macready only to be left disappointed by a crying child or someone walking in on us. Or maybe it’s just that I truly am addicted to Gage. And I find it near impossible to deny my intemperance to him.  
        I pull him on top of me, and he climbs in between my legs, deepening our kiss to the level of passion the two of us always display when being wrapped up in one another. And just feeling his body rub against mine like this, it drives me insane. Maybe we can just do what we did the other day. Some heavy rubbing until both of us climax. But that yearning deep inside of my core begs to differ. No, this won’t be enough. And when Gage grinds himself against me, his erection digging into me while a moan escapes him through our kiss, I know that I have to have him. One last time.  
        “Fuck me, Gage,” I beg.  
        My words make him quiver, and he seems to leave me for a moment. Becoming lost in the sound of me saying that before pinning my wrists down to the bed and devouring my mouth again. A rougher exchange, but I wouldn’t expect anything less coming from Gage. And it’s exactly the sort of thing my body is begging me for. Only my lust for him seems to dominate any other exchange we had before. Perhaps the pregnancy hormones taking over again. Or maybe it’s that I have this man that I love in between my legs, holding me down, kissing me more passionately than any man before him. And he’s the father of my unborn child.  
        Just the thought of him holding our baby girl, cradling her in his arms makes me want him more than I ever have before. A thought I’ve had a million times with Macready, but it’s never driven me to this sort of desire before.  
        He releases my wrists and leans up on his knees to pull his shirt off, and I can’t help but admire his broad, toned structure. He’s a fucking beast, and how I’ve never realized it before is just beyond me. But just the sight of him on his knees over me like this, his chest bare, it ignites that fire in me again. To the point where I’m eagerly unbuttoning his jeans, my hands shaking while  I do. But he grabs my hands again and holds them away. “Slow down, babe. We got all night.”  
        Oh, he must be joking. Because I don’t think I can last another second. “I want it, Gage.”  
        “You have no fuckin’ idea how much I love hearin’ that.” He finishes undoing his jeans, and I feel my face turn hot just watching him do that. But he moves slowly. Teasing me, the jackass.  But maybe it’s because he’s never felt so…lusted after before. Hell, I’ve never felt it so powerful before. He reaches into his jeans and removes his hard cock from within. And then he starts stroking himself for me. “This what you want?” he asks.  
        Fuck me, I’m so terrible. We shouldn’t be doing this, and I chastise myself for falling so deeply into him. I bring my hand to my forehead. I’m burning up, but I can’t help but nod to him.   Because it’s exactly what I want. “Gage…” I say through a heavy breath.  
        “Take your clothes off,” he demands. Shit. My stomach. Ah, fuck it. I’ll just tell him I’m getting fat. I really don’t care at this point. I unbutton the top part of my dress and pull it over my head before tossing it aside, but a chuckle comes from Gage.  
        “What’s all this?” he asks while running his fingers over the straps on my thighs keeping Hancock’s knife and my pistol.  
        “Uh…protection?”  
        “Not from me, I hope. But damn, if that ain’t the sexiest thing I ever seen. You in your panties with a fuckin’ gun and a knife strapped to ya.” A shaky laugh escapes me, and I go to undo the straps. “Nah,” Gage says while pushing my hands away. “Those you can leave on.”  
        He runs his hand up my thigh, over my hips, and then he stops at my belly. He keeps his hand over the noticeable pooch in the lower part of my abdomen, and I do my best to suck in. But his eye wanders to mine. And he seems suspicious. Or thinking very intently about something. And his silence, the feeling of his hand on my stomach and that intense gaze, it sends a slight panic through me. Because I’m certain he’s figured me out.  
        He says nothing though when he slides his hand further up my body, and before my anxiety completely ruins the moment for me, he’s lowering himself onto me and pressing his lips against mine again for another deep, passionate kiss.  
        But the feeling of his hard cock on my stomach makes it hard for me to want anything but that. I grab the rim of his jeans and pull them further down before sinking my nails into the flesh of his ass. God damn, his ass drives me insane.  
        He gets to his knees again and finishes removing his jeans, and I stare at him in awe. Complete wonderment of his perfect figure, because for me, it is absolutely perfect. He starts to lean over me again, but I hold my hand out to him. “Wait, just…stay there for a moment…” He stops and stares down at me questioningly.  
        The rise and fall of his chest, his abdomen moving in and out with every breath. Yes, I am completely and utterly consumed with this man. But he’s growing impatient. And so am I despite the fact that I could sit and stare at him for hours if I wasn’t so desperate to have him inside of me. He grabs my underwear and pulls them off of me before tossing them aside, and before he can do anything else, I’m on my knees, removing my bra to be completely exposed to him as he’s completely exposed to me.  
        He pulls me into him, and we hold each other for a moment. Both of us on our knees, pressed against each other. The warmth of his embrace, the security I feel when he’s so close. It’s unlike anything any man has ever provided for me. And when his mouth devours mine again, I know that no matter what I do in my life, I’ll be a slave to him forever.  
        I bring my hands to the side of his face, and he grips my ass, squeezing tightly as he does. Pulling me further into him, his cock digging into my stomach the entire time. He moans through the kiss. A hauntingly beautiful sound. “Mmmm, turn around,” he demands, and I do as he tells me. I lean forward a bit as he moves into me, grabbing handfuls of my ass again before giving me a playful smack. “Fuck, your ass drives me crazy, woman. I’ve stayed up many nights thinkin’ about you like this.”  
        He guides his cock to me, and when I feel the head of him enter inside of me, a wave of heat comes over me, passes through me and moves to my outer extremities. “Oh yeah…” I moan.  
        “That ain’t even the half of it.”  
        I can’t contain a chuckle. Because I know damn well it’s not. But it’s been a while since I’ve felt this, Macready and I’s attempts having fallen flat as of late. Shit, Macready. The very thought of him burdens my mind. Because he’s out there right now, risking his life to make mine easier. And here I am, this sex God behind me, wanting to fuck me more than anything. And that’s what I want too. Jesus Christ, what’s wrong with me?  
        But when Gage thrusts deep inside of me, knocking me forward onto my hands and filling me so perfectly, all those thoughts flee from my mind. “Oh…” I moan, the sound coming from the very root of my pleasure. Deep down in my core. He holds like that for a moment while adjusting himself, bringing his hands to my waist and scooting closer to me. And I hear his breath quiver.     “Fuck me hard, Gage,” I beg.  
        “I fuckin’ plan to.”  
        He pulls back and then thrusts into me again, harder, deeper. It’s painful, but it’s the good kind of pain. He fucks me like that for a bit, his fingers digging into my flesh more and more with each advance, and my screams of pleasure from having him so deep inside of me becoming louder and louder each and every time. “Shit…” I whisper.  
        “Don’t hold back, Scarlett. I want everyone to know how good it feels.” He thrusts deep inside of me again and holds himself there, and I wail in delicious pleasure. But this isn’t the only way he wants to have me. He grabs my arms and pulls me back into an upright position, pinning my arms behind me while continuing to fuck me.  
        My heart is pounding and my skin is red hot. And even with his dick deep inside of me, as good as it feels, I’m desperate to be closer to him. Though I’m not sure how one would go about that sort of thing. Because this is the closest to people can really ever be. Unless I’m willing to die in his arms. And in this moment, it doesn’t seem like all that bad a fate. “Gage,” I moan. “You feels so good…don’t stop…”  
        He leans his face forward until I feel him panting on the side of my face. “I know what you like, Scarlett. Ain’t no man can make you feel as good as I do.” Yes, I believe it to be true. He releases my arms though and brings his hands to my waist, keeping me pressed against him but allowing me a bit more movement. “Touch yourself for me,” he groans, and I reach my hand between my legs to do as he wishes. That combined with the feeling of him thrusting into me, his body slamming into mine, I can’t help but start shaking. “You think about me when you do this to yourself? Huh, Scarlett?” he asks in his low, cool tone.  
        “Yes,” I moan.  
        “Ah, fuck…” he groans and then forces me forward onto the bed so fast that I hardly have time to catch myself or position myself in a way that allows me to really breathe. And before I know it, he’s mounting me from behind again, pinning my legs down in some complex way with his own before thrusting deep inside of me again. “Shit, you’re…so fuckin’ wet, Scarlett…you’re gonna make me come soon…”  
        I try to push myself up a bit to get into a more comfortable position, but it seems he likes watching me writhe in pain. He leans over me a bit more and brings his arm around my neck, pulling my head back as he does. I gasp for air, but he tightens his grip. He’s fucking choking me. Like, not completely, but enough to where breathing is a strained effort. And he enjoys this. I can tell by his insistence to have his face right next to mine, watching me while he fucks me harder and harder from behind. “Oh, fuck yeah…” My hands claw at his arm, but he’s too strong.  
        I do the only thing I feel I can do in this moment. I reach for the knife on my thigh, gripping the handle tightly before pulling it out of its sheath. But Gage removes his arm from around my neck. “I don’t fuckin’ think so,” he says while grabbing my wrist and pinning it down to the bed to keep the knife from him. He pushes himself up onto his hands a bit more, the weight of him seeming to crush the bones in my wrist. And he continues to fuck me. Not going to lie though, I rather enjoy this. “You tryin’ to kill me, Scarlett?”  
        I shake my head. “No…” I say weakly, my voice vibrating with every thrust he makes.  
        “Go ahead and try…you won’t be able to,” he challenges, and when he releases my wrist, I’m not sure exactly what he wants from me. Surely I can’t really kill him. I’d never be capable of doing such a thing. He pulls out of me and flips me onto my back. Before I can even attempt to pretend I might stab him, he pins my wrists to the bed again and thrusts into me.  
        “Ah!” I moan, and a deep, feral groan escapes him.  
        He fucks me hard, scooting closer to me with each and every thrust as if somehow trying to reach deeper inside of me. He releases the wrist that’s holding the knife, giving me the perfect opportunity. And if I wanted him dead or gone for good, I know it wouldn’t get any easier than right now. “You can’t do it, can you?” he says through heavy breaths. “You love me too much.  Admit it, Scarlett.”  
        I nod. It’s true, I do love him too much to ever hurt him. To ever wish death upon him. The thought of him dying, it makes my chest tighten and my eyes water. Or maybe that’s my impending orgasm. Because he reaches that part of me, deep inside of me that has the power to unleash everything. “Gage…I’m close…” he grips my wrist again and then moves his hand into mine, intertwining his fingers with mine with the knife pressed between both our palms.  
        “That’s right, baby…come all over my dick…” And then I feel it. That explosive feeling from between my legs and moving outward to the rest of my body. And I can’t remember a time it’s felt so good before. I start moaning loudly, but Gage’s mouth silences me. He takes everything from me in this moment, all the pleasure coming onto him, all the moans and screams of pleasure. He devours them.  
        “Mmmm…” he moans through our kiss. And when he holds himself deep inside of me, I know he’s coming. I can feel his cock emptying itself inside of me, throbbing deep inside of me against the contracting muscles of my own body. He releases my hands again, and I can’t resist the urge to grab his ass and hold him in place. Because I love taking everything he has to give.     “Oh…oh, fuck…” he shouts after pulling away from my lips, and I watch him, intrigued by him in his moment of climax. So beautiful, the face he makes when he comes.  
        “I love watching you come,” I whisper.  
        His breath quivers against my face. “It was a lot too. Hope that’s all right.”  
        Not like it matters, but I decide to say nothing. I bring my arm around his neck and pull his lips onto mine again, my hand still clenching the knife tightly. And the level of trust between the two of us even after all we’ve been through is truly astounding. I’m not sure why we trust each other so inherently. Maybe because no matter how much we try and hide it, we are completely and utterly in love with one another.  
        Gage rests his head on my chest, breathing heavily, sweating onto me, and I can’t resist wrapping my arms around him and hold him like that until my eyes become heavy. And his breathing, it slows, but it’s deeper. And when I’m certain he’s fallen asleep, I feel it only necessary to do the same.

        I’m not sure how much time has passed when I open my eyes, but it’s still dark outside. And Gage sleeps beside me now, on his back with his head turned toward me. The sheets haphazardly cover our bodies, and my knife and pistol that was still strapped to my thigh—they’re nowhere in sight. But I don’t care much for that. Gage looks so peaceful when he sleeps. I move closer to him and lean up a bit, watching him for a moment. The rise and fall of his chest. And his beautiful lips slightly parted. I run my finger over those soft lips and place a light kiss on them before lowering myself back onto the bed facing him. Admiring him.  
        I want more from him before I can never have him again.  
        I reach my hand under the sheets and start running my fingers along his dick, though he doesn’t seem to notice. Only when I grip him and slowly start jerking him off does a heavy breath escape him. He picks up his head and looks downward to where my hand is hidden under the sheets. And he moans again while lowering his head back onto the pillow. “Isn’t this just about the best way to wake up,” he says, his voice scratchy.  
        “Do you want me to stop?” I ask.  
        He swallows hard and shakes his head. “Fuck no, keep goin’.” I smile and lean up to better my position in pleasuring him. But a hand job just isn’t going to cut it, and only seconds later do I move under the sheet and wrap my lips around his growing cock. His breath catches in his throat. “Oh yeah…fuck, I’ve missed that feeling.”  
        But Gage doesn’t let me pleasure him this way for long. He craves a different kind of contact, something we’ve never done before but I’ve often thought about doing. “If this is my last night with you, I want to get everything out of the way,” he says while I straddle his face, and even though I’ve thought about doing this, the vulnerability I feel in this moment was one that never appeared in my fantasies.  
        “You sure you want me to…?”  
        “Sure as shit.”  
        “What if you can’t breathe?”  
        “Then what a way to go,” he says, and I can’t help but chuckle. “Come here,” he whispers while bringing his hands around the back of my thighs, and slowly, I lower myself onto his mouth. It’s awkward at first, and my legs start to shake beneath my weight and the awkward position in which I’m holding myself. Because I don’t want to put all my weight on him.  
        But Gage eases me as his smooth tongue moves along my clit, gently massaging me in a way that steals the breath from my lungs. I feel his hands on the back of my thighs, pulling me further down. But that fear of smothering him just dominates me. “Gage,” I moan.  
        “Relax, baby. I’ll take care of everything.” I look down at him, looking up at me while placing gentle kisses along the most precious parts of me before running his tongue over me again.   And then, I cave and lower myself onto him, and he holds me in place. And he’s so good at this sort of thing. His tongue expertly flicking my clit, taking in everything I have to give.  
        That dire need starts growing inside of me again, and only becomes more aggressive with a gentle nibble and a sweet graze of his lips. “Oh yeah…” I moan, my voice quivering as I do.   Because he’s weakening me in this moment. And he knows he is. Within a minute’s time, I’ve become an animal. I bring my hands to his head and start fucking him like that, grinding myself  further into his mouth, and he fucking loves every second.  
        His grip on my thighs tighten, and he starts panting, moaning from between my legs. “Mmmm,” he growls. “You taste so fucking good, Scarlett.” And even the feeling of his lips moving against me as he speaks is utterly invigorating.  
        “Don’t fucking stop,” I moan and pull his head back onto me. And now, I’m fucking desperate for release. And I just don’t fucking care what it takes anymore. I grind myself harder and faster into his mouth, and his tongue moves faster, more aggressively against me. “I’m gonna come,” I cry.  
        “Mmmmm….Mmmmm,” he moans. Fuck, even that. Oh, he knows exactly what he’s doing, and within seconds, that intense explosion of pleasure, all that desperation comes bleeding out of me and into his mouth.  
        “Gage!” I cry, and his grip on me only becomes tighter. I stop moving myself on top of him, but he holds me in place, devouring every part of me. But it feels too good, and I think I might die if he keeps going. “Gage…Gage, stop!” I yell, and only then does he release me and let me fall to the bed next to him. “Oh…Oh my God…fuck, baby…”  
        “I knew you’d like it,” he says while turning to lean over me. He kisses me, and I can taste myself on him. Something strangely arousing. “Anything else you want me to do to you? We still got a few hours before the sun comes up.”  
        I think for a moment and then shake my head. He seems disappointed. “Now it’s your turn,” I say, and he cocks his eyebrow, seeming intrigued.  
        “My turn, huh?” I nod. “Well…what did you have in mind?”  
        I bite my lip and think for a moment. “Got any rope?”  
        A wry smile spreads across his face. “I like where this is going,” he says and then presses his lips against mine again for a deep, passionate exchange.

        Gage sits in one of the chairs, completely naked, and I move behind him and start tying his wrists together with a bit of rope he managed to scrounge up for us. “You know, when you asked about the rope…this wasn’t really what I was imagining.”  
        I snicker from behind him while tightening the binds. “What, you scared?”  
        “I ain’t scared. Maybe a little…edgy.”  
        I feel my expression soften. “I’m not going to hurt you, Gage. You trust me, right?”  
        He hesitates for a moment. “Yeah, I…I trust you. Just don’t want you leavin’ me tied up all night for my men to find me like this in the morning.” I can’t stifle a laugh, but I grip his forearm and kiss him gently.  
        “It certainly would be a good way to get back at you for all the shit you’ve caused.” I stand and observe the rope around his wrists. “Move your hands for me,” I say, and he does, loosening the rope with ease. “You see? You can get out of it any time you want.”  
        He nods. “Yeah, okay.” I smile. It really is an amazing sight, him trusting me enough to bind him to a chair like this. I kiss his head and then kneel down again to retighten the rope. When  I’m finished, I walk around him and stand in front of him. I never imagined being so turned on by the sight of him tied up, but now I’m glad this thought came to mind.  
        “You’ve been a bad boy, Gage.”  
        He quivers. “I know…I know I have.”  
        “No, but, like…really. You’ve been very naughty. A real pain in the ass.”  
        “Oh yeah? And what’re you gonna do about it?”  
        I think for a moment before climbing on top of him, straddling him and wrapping my arms around his neck. “Well…I should have one of your guards come in here and fuck me while you’re forced to watch.”  
        “I swear to fuckin’ Christ…”  
        “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” I ask and then kiss his lips gently. “Watching another man fuck me…”  
        “Fuck no.”  
        I laugh. “Don’t worry, I’d never do that.”  
        “Fuck, Scarlett,” he says through a heavy breath. “I knew you were a freak, but damn.”  
        I climb off of him and back away, and he watches me intently. Waiting for me to do something either really screwed up or something really sexy. I grab one of the chairs and move it right in front of him before sitting. And the two of us just stare at each other for a bit, the tension between us building to an uncomfortable level.  
        I spread my legs for him though, and his eye wanders to my opening. A sort of hazy look in his eye. And when I stick my fingers in my mouth, his lips part slightly. His tongue moves across his lips, wetting them. As if preparing to taste me again. But he won’t get to. I start pleasuring myself in front of him, running my wet fingers along my clit before inserting them inside of me, and Gage quivers at the sight.  
        His dick has been hard since he awoke, and he’s yet to find any release. So I know that in this moment, I’m tormenting him. Having me so close, so exposed while he can’t do anything, it’s driving him insane. I can see the wild animal in his eye. I moan and throw my head back in pleasure of my own stimulation.  
        “Shit, Scarlett…” he whispers. “You’re driving me crazy.”  
        I moan again, my head leaning back against the chair and my eyes closed, becoming lost in a world of pleasure. “That’s the idea,” I say quietly.  
        “Tell me what you’re thinkin’, Scar. Please…”  
        “I’m thinking about the first time I sucked your cock…the way your dick throbbed in my mouth…you hadn’t been touched like that in so long, had you?” I pick my head up and look at him, and he shakes his head.  
        “No.”  
        “You want it again, don’t you?” I ask, and he nods. I smile and lean my head back again, getting lost in my own pleasure and being thoroughly entertained by his desperation for the feeling.     “Or that time I sucked you off…and you came in my mouth…God, it gives me the chills just thinking about it.”  
        “No woman’s ever let me do that before,” he says. I pick my head up and look at him again, and he looks so desperate for some kind of relief. His hips move upward slightly, as if imagining my mouth were around him. “You’re killin’ me, Scarlett. Please…suck me off, or…just fuck me, babe…I’ll do anything.”  
        “Okay.” I stop touching myself and stand to move closer to him. And when I get to my knees, he spreads his legs further apart for me. But even though I’m nearing the point of pleasuring him, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to tease him anymore.  
        I lightly run my lips along the length of him and then stand a bit higher to where his cock touches my chest. And again, he moves his hips upward in an attempt to close the gap between us. I smile at the attempt and grip his shaft, and even that action elicits and heavy breath from him. A breath of relief perhaps.  
        I run my tongue over the head of his cock. And I tease him like that for a bit. Just gripping him and occasionally running my tongue of the tip of him. Gage groans. “Come on, baby…I can’t take much more of this…”  
        I smile and wrap my lips around him completely, and Gage throws his head back and moans. Slowly, I insert more of him into my mouth, working my hand down his shaft the further I go.   When I’ve gone as far as my mouth will allow, Gage thrusts his hips upward, and I choke on him. “Fuck…” he shouts, and I pull my mouth away from him.  
        “Naughty boy,” I say while releasing him completely.  
        “Wait…no, no, I’m sorry…don’t stop, Scarlett.” He says the last bit a little more aggressively, clearly becoming frustrated with being teased.  
        “I have half a mind to just go to bed and let you sit here the rest of the night.”  
        He throws his head back and groans, frustrated. “Oh, you’re gonna get it when I get outta this.” He starts writhing around, as if trying to get out of his binds—which he’s absolutely capable, though the sight makes me smirk. But before he can, I grab his cock again and wrap my lips around him, and he stops moving. My strokes, my wet mouth moving up and down on him faster and faster, it paralyzes him. “Oh, fuck yeah…” he groans.  
        His breath catches in his throat again. He’s tense, and his cock throbs in my mouth. He’s close, I can tell. “Don’t stop,” he groans. And then I do. I release him completely and stare up at him, a frustrated sigh escaping him. “Come on, baby. I’d never do this to you.”  
        I snicker. “Okay.” I start sucking him off again, and it doesn’t take long for him to get lost in that feeling again. The feeling of his impending orgasm.  
        “Uh…uh, yeah,” he moans. “I’m gonna come, Scarlett.” And then I stop again. And man, is he desperate. A whimper escapes him. “Please let me come…let me come, baby…”  
        Oh, my sweet sexy man. How I love teasing him. I get a sick kind of enjoyment out of watching him this way. Out of hearing him beg. I guess the same kind of enjoyment he gets out of watching me squirm beneath him. I lean forward and run my tongue up his shaft and then encircle the head of his dick. And that’s all it takes for him. “Hu…uhhhh…” he groans, and I watch as his cum shoots from his dick. “Uhhhh…fuck…god dammit, Scarlett…”  
        I snicker again. And once he’s done, I grip his dick again. He’s panting, and his skin is on fire. I don’t know if he’s frustrated or not, but I just can’t resist. “Got any more in there for me?” I ask, and he quivers.  
        “Yeah…yeah, I…I do…”  
        “Yeah?” I ask in disbelief.  
        “I can come again,” he says, his voice shaky. I’m not sure if I believe him, but I can’t resist wrapping my lips around him and sucking him off again.  
        Oh, but our desperation to be even closer takes over completely, and before I know it, Gage has me bent over the table, fucking me as hard as he can. The table moves and shifts beneath us, sending water glasses toppling over and plates falling to the ground.  
        “Oh, Gage!” I shout.  
        His fingers dig into the flesh on my ass. And this feeling, I want it to last forever. But it won’t. The sky is turning light blue, and our exhaustion is starting to take over after having been at it all night. Gage is panting, sweating onto me while fucking me, and when I look over my shoulder at him, I know he doesn’t have much left in him. Though he tries. We both try because we know this is the last time.  
        He pulls out of me. “Come here,” he says, and I grab his hand to allow him to assist me. He turns me over and pulls me to where I’m sitting on the edge of the table. He moves into me again, and I wrap my arms and legs around him. And when he pushes himself into me this time, he’s much more gentle. Slower in the way he moves. A gentle easing in and out of me, and I rest my head on his shoulder to enjoy the feeling for as long as I can. “Tell me you love me,” he says, and I pick my head up to look at him. He needs to hear it. The desperation in him being something I can’t ignore.  
        “I love you,” I say while bringing my hand to his face. The two of us kiss, a deep but slow, gentle sort of kiss. A kiss we never want to end because it might be the last really meaningful one we have the ability to share. He holds me close though, slowly moving in and out of me, kissing me deeply. And I’ve never felt more connected to him than in this moment.  
It doesn’t take long for us to finish, and even after our climax, we just sit there for a while, holding each other before moving to the bed to cuddle for the last remaining hour we have with one another. We’re mostly quiet, looking upon each other’s faces, placing gentle kisses on each other’s hands or faces occasionally. “I don’t want this night to end,” he says.  
        I bring my hand to his face. “It already has.”  
        My response saddens him, and me too, if I’m being perfectly honest. “You sure you can’t stay a little longer? We really didn’t get much sleep in.”  
        But I shake my head. “I can’t.” My Minutemen will start to wonder if I’m gone for much longer, and Macready is due back this evening. “Are you going to be okay?” I ask.  
        “Yeah. Eventually.” He’s quiet for a while, studying my face intently. “I’d like to still write to ya, if that’s okay.” I open my mouth to speak. “You don’t have to respond to any of ‘em. Hell, you don’t even have to read ‘em if you don’t want to. But…I think I’ll need to do that. Least in the beginning.”  
        I feel my expression soften and then I nod. “Okay.” He sighs and grabs my arm to pull me onto his chest, and when I rest my head on him, he wraps his arms around me. “When do you think you’ll be heading back to Nuka-World?” I ask.  
        “In a few days. Two or three at the most. We gotta get some more supplies. Plan out our route. The first one we took wasn’t the best, even though it was the shortest.” It’s so depressing to talk about, but I need to know he’ll do as I ask. “Will I get to see you again before we go?”  
        I sigh. “It’s probably not a good idea.”  
        “Yeah, okay. Whatever you say,” he says, and his response breaks my heart.  
        I know I need to head back to Sanctuary soon, but the idea of leaving when he’s still awake is something I don’t think I can bear. The look of disappointment on his face as we look at each other for the last time…I can’t do it. Not if I want to be in one piece when I return. So I wait until his breaths become slow and heavy again. I wait until I know he’s fast asleep before getting dressed and sneaking to the door, making as little sound as possible. And before I leave, I take one more good look at him. And even though he’s giving me exactly what I want, it doesn’t make it any easier to leave him in this moment.


	7. The Beginning Of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part Two of "A World On Fire."
> 
> After escaping Nuka-World and making her way back to Sanctuary, Scarlett tries to find some stability and happiness in her old life in an attempt to make up for the mistakes of her past and paint a brighter future for her family. But Porter Gage doesn't want to give her up so easily, and his desperation to win her back leads him to commit some heinous crimes.
> 
> *Things take a violent turn.*

        It’s much too early in the morning for anyone to ask about my whereabouts the previous night, and I feel the need to wash myself before too many people are up and about. A shower area has been set up on the Northern end of the settlement, but water supply is low. And only showering is advised when absolutely necessary. But after everything I did the night before with Gage, I feel it’s absolutely a necessity.  
        The showers are barricaded for privacy, of course, but other than the walls hiding them from the people moving about the settlement, they’re quite open. No ceilings or doors, and the coldness of the morning mixed with the tepid water causes me to shiver. Not an ideal situation, and the guilt I felt for letting myself give in to Gage is marred by my regret for having to be in this situation right now. Shivering my ass off in the cold morning. I clean myself quickly and as best I can before returning to my home to bury myself beneath the blankets for a bit of warmth.  
        I attempt a few more hours of sleep before Macready returns in the evening. And when I awake in the late afternoon, I start to feel sick. Sick with guilt, sick with the realization that I’ll have to face Macready when he comes home. And the more I sit with this secret eating away at me, the more I begin to suspect that I won’t be able to keep it from him for long.  
        The lies I’ve told, they burden my mind, and I long for a clean conscience even if the end result means I’ll lose someone very dear to me. Because I don’t think the guilt will get any better. If anything, it’ll get worse when the baby comes. When Macready holds her, thinking she’s his when I know the truth. And then there’s the fact that I’m constantly fantasizing about another man while in bed with him. It isn’t fair, I tell myself. But breaking his heart isn’t fair either. My, what a mess I’ve made.  
        “General, a message came for you,” my messenger Minuteman says when I finally decide to emerge from my home much later in the afternoon, but the news turns my stomach. I had not been expecting a message, and judging by the sloppy scribble of my name along the front, it’s from Gage.  
        “Thank you.” I excuse myself from his presence and go to my usual spot. The bench at the far side of the settlement to keep me away from prying eyes. But it’s difficult for me to open the envelope. I’m worried about what Gage might have to say because I was certain we said everything we needed to the night before.  
        I stare at it for a long time, pondering. Wondering if it would be better just to burn it and never speak to him again. To burn ever letter he sends from this moment forward to spare me the heartache and guilt I feel for loving him so much even now. But it’s the love I have for him that forces the envelope open, and my eyes become transfixed on the long message scribbled along the page.

    _Scarlett,_

_Thank you for giving me the opportunity to explain myself last night. I know it don’t make much difference now, but at least I know that you know the truth about me. My truth, anyway.     And maybe that’s what I needed all along. Some kind of closure from you. Closure that I felt I really could only be satisfied with after you heard me out._

_I hate saying goodbye to you. I’ve had this annoying tightness in my chest from the moment I woke up to see you’d left. I don’t blame you. I know you had to leave. But it killed me when I turned over and still smelled you on my pillow. And even though you’ve only been gone for a few hours, I miss you like crazy, woman._

_I’ll stay true to my word. We’ll be heading back to Nuka-World the day after tomorrow, but I’m hoping to see you again someday. I meant it when I said I’d be holding out hope for the two of us in the future. I think it’s really the only thing that’ll get me through the day for a while, and I have every intention of writing you, just like I said I would. I understand if you don’t respond, but…it’d be nice to hear from you._

_I won’t ask you to come with me again. Because I know what you’re going to say. But maybe in a few months, you might find it in yourself to forgive me. And maybe you’ll want to be by my side again. If that ever ends up being the case, you know where to find me. And this isn’t about me wanting you to be Overboss again. It’s a position I’ve accepted as my own. But I want you near me, Scarlett. So if ever you start to feel the need to be with me again, come find me. I’ll be waiting for you, Scarlett. I’ll always be waiting for you._

_I love you. I always will._   
_-Gage_

        A tear falls onto the page, smearing the ink a bit. He’s really leaving, which…sure, it’s what I wanted. But now I can’t get the image of our happily ever after out of my mind. The two of us at a coastal cottage, our daughter in his arms. I already lost my son’s father, but my daughter’s too? I don’t know if I can bear it, if I’m being honest with myself.  
        For the first time since knowing him, Gage is doing something completely selfless for another person—that person being myself. He didn’t force me to be intimate with him last night. And his change of heart leads me to believe that maybe he really is changing. Maybe he’s trying to be a better man for me. And I can’t help but think if I abandon him now, he might lose sight of any bit of goodness he might have gained.  
        “Hey, mom?” Shaun says from the dinner table, disturbing my thoughts of what I feel needs to be done and the best way to go about doing things.  
        “Yes, Shaun?”  
        “Do you know where I can find some nuclear material? I need it for a new project I’m working on,” he says, but my troubled mind makes it difficult to really comprehend what he’s asking. I try to think of where he might find some, but the rational side of me—the protective mommy that’s taken over since the progression of my pregnancy breaks free. And how I even thought for a second about indulging his request is cause for concern for my mental and emotional state.  
        “You’re ten, Shaun. You shouldn’t be handling nuclear material. Not when you’re always playing with Duncan and Dogmeat.”  
        “Well, I won’t play with them anymore.”  
        “No, Shaun. Find another project.” He sighs in frustration, but I just don’t have the energy to try and reason with him. Because sometimes, what I say just goes.  
        I’m quiet throughout dinner, hardly paying any attention to Shaun and Duncan’s playful banter or teasing of one another. My thoughts consume me. Because I hate to admit what has become abundantly clear since spending the evening with Gage and reading his letter. I can’t be happy with Macready. Not any time soon, at least. And I need to tell him everything. It’s what has to be done. It’s what he deserves. The truth from someone he loves, not a series of hurtful lies that have the ability to destroy someone forever if carried on for too long.  
        The hours pass and carry us on into the evening, and when it’s time for the boys to go to bed, I start growing concerned about Macready and Preston. Because surely they should have been back by now, and Duncan is reluctant to let me tuck him in over his father.  
        “I want my daddy,” he complains.  
        “He’s not here right now, sweetheart,” I say quietly while sitting on the edge of his bed. “But I promise that as soon as he comes home, I’ll send him straight to your room to kiss you good night.”  
        A promise I hope I can keep. And that night while lying awake in bed, I become even more concerned for their safety. No messages from Tenpines Bluff have been delivered, so surely they made it to their destination. But perhaps something happened on their way home? I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if something happened to Macready all because I needed him gone for an evening.  
        I toss and turn all night. And when the sky begins to turn light blue, I know I can no longer wait in bed for him. I push off my covers and dress myself for the day before leaving Codsworth to look after the boys as they sleep.  
        Sanctuary is still quiet and peaceful—the majority of the settlers still in their slumber and dreaming about better days. I envy them. I wish I could find the peace to give me a good night’s sleep. “Hey,” I call to one of the guards while approaching the short tower at the front gate.  
        “General,” he says, and I ascend the steps to join him at his post.  
        “No sign of Preston yet?” I ask while looking out toward the bridge.  
        “No, ma’am. And we haven’t received any word from Tenpines.” The anticipation is killing me. I’m hoping that maybe they were just too tired to make the journey back to Sanctuary the previous day. That maybe they decided to stay an extra night in order to rest up, but it seems so unlike Preston to keep me waiting for any news. And Macready has never had a problem with traveling at night before. “What do you want to do, General?”  
        I look to the guard. “What do I want to do? There’s nothing we can do.”  
        “We can send a messenger out to Tenpines.”  
        “And we’ll be in the same position as we are now for the next two days. Possibly longer if the runner is taken out before getting there.” It’s too risky, sending someone off on their own so far away from the settlement. I don’t want to say what I’m thinking, but I get the sneaking suspicion that the Minutemen might have the same thoughts.  
        The Brotherhood got involved.  
        “Just, keep your eyes peeled.” I leave the guard tower and start making my way back through the settlement. But the sound of gunfire in the distance halts me in my steps, and I turn to face the front gate once more.  
        More gunfire and explosions, and Minutemen start running past me toward the gate. The sounds of battle, it sounds like it’s coming from Concord. And it sends a panic through me. I start running along with the Minutemen when I see a flare shoot up in the air from not far away. The same flares we use to signal for help by nearby Minutemen. And now, judging by the distance of the thing, I’m certain the gunfire is coming from Concord.  
        I start running for the gate as it opens and Minutemen sprint outside. This can’t be happening, I think to myself. “Stop!” I shout, but none of them hear me. Or maybe they just aren’t listening. Because even I don’t have the authority to stop this sort of thing.  
        I don’t even have a gun on me, but I’m ready to charge toward battle just to see what’s happening. To maybe intervene before too many lives are lost. “Miss Scarlett!” I feel Curie’s hand on my arm, and she pulls me back.  
        “I have to help!” I yell, but she won’t let go.  
        “No. I forbid it, Scarlett. I kept my mouth shout during your last excursion, but this isn’t something I can allow. You are pregnant!” I fight to get away, but she’s right. It was foolish to track down the Brotherhood in my condition, and it’s foolish now to run into battle without any armor or weapon. To run into a situation I know nothing about.  
        I retreat, but I can’t tear my eyes away from the Minutemen running out of the gate and the crowd of people coming from their homes to witness the event. The sound of battle grows more intense, and even though Curie won’t allow me to leave, I don’t have it in me to retreat to my home.  
        I lower myself onto the ground and keep my eyes at the gate. And every gunshot I hear torments me, sending a panic through me. It feels like hours pass before the sound dies down. One side has become victorious.  
        I find it hard to breathe. A gnawing sensation grows in my stomach, a tightness in my chest, and a lump in my throat. Never have I felt such a desperation come over me. The desperation to be informed, to be assured that those I love remain unharmed. But I get the feeling this isn’t going to be the case.  
        I’m trembling, and my constant gaze at the front gate only makes the anticipation worse. Like watching a ticking clock, waiting for a certain time to come about, and suddenly, a minute feels like an hour. I lower my head and focus my attention on the ground, trying as best I can to imagine the best possible outcome.  
        Curie kneels down next to me, and I feel her hand on my back. Maybe it’s nothing, I tell myself. Maybe the Brotherhood attacked, and the raiders, they came to help. “Scarlett, look,” Curies says, and my head shoots upward to the gate once more.  
        At the sight of Macready entering with Preston at his side and Minutemen following behind, I’m able to breathe a little better. “Oh my…” I stand and run to him. His head is bleeding, but he seems to be without any serious injury. “What happened?” I ask, but he continues walking through the settlement. As if the need to explain the situation is unnecessary. So I walk quickly to keep up with him. “Rob,” I say sternly, and he glances at me.  
        He’s out of breath. “We won’t have to worry about those raiders anymore,” he mutters, but his response is stunning. I grab his arm to keep him from walking.  
        “Wait, what?” I ask.  
        He glances to Preston. “We took care of them. They won’t cause any problems for us anymore,” he says.  
        “They…weren’t causing any problems, I…what…what are you saying?” No, it can’t be true. But the expression on his face. A sort of suspicion but…perhaps guilt as well. “You…killed them?” I ask, my breath quivering. “All of them?”  
        His expression softens. “They opened fire on us, Scarlett. We had no choice.”  
        No. No, it can’t be true. I look to Preston. “Preston?” I say, but her diverts his eyes to the ground, as if ashamed of something. Macready, he’s keeping something from me. But whatever it may be, I just don’t care. He killed Gage. The father of my baby. And I can’t keep my anger and turmoil from lashing out on him. “What did you do?” I ask.  
        “Scarlett…” he reaches for me, but I shove him away.  
        “What did you do?!” I scream and shove him again.  
        “I did what I had to. What you refused to do,” he says sternly, but I can’t accept that. He acted without my consent. And something about what he’s telling me about them firing first just isn’t sitting well. Oh, and the news that he’s killed all of them—Gage—I’m devastated. It feels like my heart is being ripped from my chest, and I have to see for myself.  
        I push past him to make my way to the exit of Sanctuary. “Scarlett,” he says while grabbing my arm, but I can’t control myself. When I feel his hand on me, I turn and smack him across the face, knocking him to the side a bit.  
        “Don’t!” I demand, and he seems utterly appalled. I’m sure I would be too if my concerns weren’t with Gage at this very moment.  
        I turn away from them again and start running for the gate.  
        I’m not entirely convinced someone won’t come after me, but after making it past the Red Rocket gas station, I notice no one has decided to follow. Which can only mean two things. Either the raiders really are all dead, or my Minutemen have discovered something I’ve been working tirelessly to keep from them.  
        I make it to Concord and become frozen at the massacre before me. Dead Operators line the streets, and it only confirms the fear that the man I love is dead. “Oh my God,” I whisper through a shaky breath. But I have to see him. I can’t just leave him here. Alone. He deserves a burial, my sweet Gage, and I refuse to leave without being the one to put him to rest.  
        I kneel down and grab a pistol from a dead Operator just in case there are any left alive, but while walking through Concord, I come to the sickening realization that my Minutemen have been successful in putting them down. And my heart aches.  
        The main building is another shit show of destruction. A battle certainly took place inside, and along with the dead Operators lying about in pools of their own blood, I pass a few Minutemen that got taken down as well. But every step I take toward the stairs leading to the upper level is difficult. And I find myself trying to convince myself to just leave. I’m not exactly sure what seeing Gage will do to me.  
        I make it to his quarters, the door is ajar, and a chilling feeling comes over me. I hesitate to push it open. Because I’m not entirely sure I won’t be hell bent on revenge once I see my love dead. The door creaks as I push on it, and my eyes scan the room as I enter.  
        “Stop. Don’t come any closer…” the sound of his voice makes my heart skip a beat, and I find him sitting on the ledge of his window, his face hidden by the shadows from the clouds hiding the sun outside.  
        “Gage?” Jesus Christ, he’s alive. And now I just want to hold him. I start moving toward him, but he points a pistol at me. Something I never thought he’d do, and it paralyzes me. But surely he’s just shaken, and I don’t blame him. After further observation, I notice a wound to his shoulder, blood dripping down his arm. “What…happened?”  
        “You know, I knew you were upset about everything that happened between us. But I never expected in a million years you’d want me dead, Scarlett.”  
        “Baby, I…didn’t…” Tears burn my eyes, and my words get caught in my throat. It pains me to know that he thinks I’m responsible for this, and I don’t even know how to begin convincing him otherwise.  
        “You didn’t? What? Order the attack on us? You expect me to believe that your Minutemen just woke up this morning and decided to come and rub us all out?”  
        I hesitate to answer. “Macready, he…he said your men fired first.”  
        “You believe that, do ya?” He sighs and rests his arm on his knee while keeping his pistol pointed at me, but he’s lazy in the way he holds his gun. “You know…all of this, it’s bringing back some bad shit for me. This kind of betrayal is one I never expected to feel ever again. And I thought I learned my lesson the first time, but…hell. You did a damn fine job of making me think we’d be all right, me and you. Guess it just goes to show that you really can’t trust anyone in this fucked up world.”  
        “Gage, I didn’t order the attack. I swear to you. I swear on…my own life. I’d never do that to you. Macready and Preston were coming back from Tenpines, and…they said your men opened fire. They shot a flare up in the air to alert Sanctuary, and…even I don’t have the authority to stop fire support.” I’m so desperate for him to believe me. The pain I feel—the pain from his pain, it consumes me completely. And I feel completely helpless. “Baby, I’d never want anything bad to happen to you.”  
        Gage sighs and lowers his gun. “You know, this is really fucked up…”  
        “I know…”  
        “Because I still…” he sighs again and leans his head back against the window frame. “I believe you. And what does that say about me? About what you’ve done to me? My better judgement says to kill you right now. And if I were anyone else, I wouldn’t hesitate to put a bullet in your head.”  
        “Gage…”  
        “There was nothing I could do,” he says. “They all just started…swarming the area, taking down anyone in their way. There were too many of them. I took a few of your men out, I’m proud to say, but…they backed me into a corner, Scarlett. And I had to do something I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for.”  
        “What did you do?” I ask quietly.  
        “I played dead. It was the only thing I could do, if I wanted to get out of this alive.”  
        We’re quiet for a moment. And only now does it hit me that leaving Gage alive after the attack on his men might be the biggest mistake the Minutemen has ever made. “You know I’d…never hurt you, Gage.”  
        He stares at me for a moment and then nods slowly. “It don’t change anything, Scarlett. What happened here today, I can’t ignore it. Can’t let it go.”  
        “What do you mean?”  
        “Your men are gonna have to answer for what they’ve done. Come this time tomorrow, I’ll be back in Nuka-World. Mags and William ain’t gonna be too pleased to hear that so many of their guys have been killed at the hands of the Minutemen. They’re gonna be out for blood, and I ain’t gonna deny them the satisfaction.” A cold chill shoots up my spine.  
        “Gage, please…”  
        “I can still fix this, Scar. Come back to Nuka-World with me. We’ll tell the gang leaders the Minutemen attacked when you told them you were leaving with us. That they didn’t wanna let their precious general go without a fight.”  
        But I can’t be against the Minutemen. I can’t fight against them despite how disappointed I feel with Macready and Preston right now. Because my men just didn’t know. All we knew was that one of our own was in distress, and they came calling. No, I can’t be on the side that wants to put them to death. “I can’t, Gage.”  
        He nods slowly and exhales heavily through his nose. “Well, that’s just too bad. We’re goin’ to war, Scarlett. You gonna be ready?”  
        Gage saying these words to me makes me want to cry, and I fight hard to keep the tears in my eyes. I wince at my efforts, my tears feeling as though they’re burning my eyes out of my skull. “You don’t have…have to do this, Gage.”  
        “Yeah, I do.” He studies me for a long time, and I’m desperate to know what he’s thinking. I’m wondering if telling him about my pregnancy would stop this attack, but something tells me not to say anything. That it wouldn’t keep him from waging war with the Minutemen but only be more adamant about me going back with him. “You know, if you’re at all the woman I thought you were, you’d put a bullet in my head right now.”  
        “What?” I ask, stunned.  
        “The leader of one of the biggest raider operations in the Commonwealth just told you—the General of the Minutemen—that we’re goin’ to war with ya. Seems it’d be all too easy for you to avoid somethin’ like this if you just…raised that gun to my head and pulled the trigger.” Is he asking me to kill him? I can’t understand why he would ask that of me, but it’s certainly something   I can’t abide despite it being the solution I would need in order to keep us from going to war. Being at war with the Brotherhood is bad enough, but with another equally strong faction? I’m not  so sure we’ll come out on top. “You can’t do it, can you?” he asks, and when I don’t answer, he scoffs. He looks away from me and sticks a cigarette in his mouth. “Best you leave now, Scarlett,”  he says and then lights his cigarette. “Get on home to Sanctuary where you belong. And don’t waste your time comin’ back when you’ve found a bit of courage to do what needs to be done. I’ll  be long gone by then.”  
        We end on a cold note, and as much as I don’t want to leave him in that moment, I know it’s best. Because I’m not entirely sure that he won’t lash out at me in some way if I stay and try to convince him that war isn’t the answer. Trying to convince Gage that violence isn’t the way is just a fool’s errand.  
        On my way back to Sanctuary, I feel completely broken. Because now I know that Gage and I truly have no future, and even worse, Macready and I no longer do either. Because by the time I make it back to the gates of Sanctuary, I’m shaking with rage. And I want nothing more than to cause him pain for what he’s done.  
        I enter our home and see Codsworth tending to Shaun and Duncan in the dining room. “Everything all right, mum?” Codsworth asks.  
        “Out. Take the boys and go outside. I’ll come find you when it’s okay to come back.”  
        “Come along, children,” he says and escorts them outside, and only when the door closes behind them do my eyes drift toward the hallway.  
        I enter our bedroom, already in a heated rage, ready to bite his head off for the trouble he’s caused. But at the sight of him sitting on the edge of the bed with my footlocker in front of him, I stop. In his hands, a few of Gage’s letters to me. “What are you doing?”  
        He looks up at me. And I’ve never seen so much hatred come from him. “You want to explain these to me, Scarlett?” he asks. But I don’t respond. He’s underserving of an explanation. “So it’s true then. You and this…raider, you…had an affair with him?”  
        “Of course I did. How could you not notice?”  
        “I did notice,” he snaps while standing and tossing the letters aside. “I just didn’t want to believe it was true. That the woman I love, my best friend, would keep something like this from me. And how you ever thought a guy like that would ever be worth your time…”  
        “This…doesn’t even hold a candle to what you’ve just done.”  
        He seems confused. “What are you talking about?” he snaps.  
        “You left him alive, Macready.”  
        “No. He’s dead, Scarlett. I saw him with my own eyes…”  
        I shake my head. “No. He’s alive and well. I just spoke with him. He’s decided that the only way to rectify this is by going to war with us. Blood for blood.”  
        He seems stunned. “Where is he now?”  
        I shake my head and shrug. “Does it matter?”  
        “Of course it matters! You should have killed him, Scarlett!” he barks.  
        “How dare you put that on me! I never wanted to go to war with the raiders! And here you come, all pissed off because you suspect I might love someone else, claiming some bullshit about how they opened fire first!”  
        “It’s not bullshit…” he winces after cursing. “It’s the truth, Scarlett.”  
        “You put me in a position I was never prepared to handle, Macready. You got sloppy, and now you’re telling me that I should have been the one to clean up your mess? You tell me that I needed to kill the man I love. What ever made you think I would be capable of doing something like that?”  
        “To protect your people.”  
        “My people? You’re…asking me to kill another person I love for…” I cry. “For the sake of the Commonwealth…” I feel like I can’t breathe. It’s all too familiar, this feeling, and I’ve regretted what I’ve done to the Institute since it happened. I don’t think I have it in me to do the same to someone else. Someone who means everything to me.  
        “Scarlett…” he speaks, tenderness in his voice.  
        “You shouldn’t have done it, Macready. And now we’re at war with two factions. The raiders at Nuka-World aren’t going to take this lying down. And any day now, the Brotherhood could decide that today’s the day we’ll take out the Minutemen.”  
        Macready kicks the bedside table, breaking the legs from the force and knocking it to the ground. He pauses for a moment, thinking intently. “The raiders at Nuka-World. What the hell’s going on here, Scarlett?”  
        I don’t even know where to begin, and a part of me feels he’s undeserving of being informed from here on out. But if only to make him realize the severity of what he’s done, I indulge him. “Nuka-World is an amusement park just over the mountains. About a year ago, three raider gangs moved into the territory and claimed it as their own. Only two gangs remain, but they have numbers most raider gangs in the Commonwealth could only ever dream of. And Gage is their Overboss. So those…raiders you decided to kill in Concord? That wasn’t even a quarter of what we’re dealing with when the others get involved.”  
        He seems disgusted, but finally, he’s starting to realize the severity of what he’s done. “And you’re just now telling me this.”  
        “I never expected you’d attack a faction without checking with me first.”  
        He’s quiet for a long time. “Then we’ll launch an attack on Nuka-World.”  
        I shake my head. “Our artillery won’t reach that far.”  
        “So, what then?” he asks in a harsh tone.  
        “I’m not sure. But I have a feeling that this…this is going to be very bad for the Minutemen. And we might not come out of this alive.”  
        But Macready won’t accept that. He shakes his head. “No, that guy, he…he loves you. You can talk him out of this.”  
        “Even if I could get him to trust me enough to even agree to a meeting, it wouldn’t change anything. The leaders of the Operators will demand an attack. And he’ll have to give them justice.” He sighs, defeated. Finally in the same place in which I find myself. Out of options. “I want you gone, Macready.”  
        He looks to me, confused. “What?” I move to the closet and grab a bag and handfuls of his clothes to shove them inside, but he grabs my arm. “Stop, stop…what are you doing?”  
        I jerk away from him. “I want you out of here, Macready. I want you gone,” I say forcefully.  
        “You can’t be serious, we…we share a home together, Scarlett.”  
        “And there are plenty of other homes available throughout Sanctuary. But I don’t want to be anywhere near you any time soon. Because what you’ve done…I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you.” I feel a tear fall down my cheek. It does hurt to talk to him this way, which is proof I’ll be able to forgive him someday if we live long enough. But he’s not only endangered every single Minuteman and person under our control, he’s endangered my life, Shaun’s life, Duncan’s…and my unborn child’s.  
        “You can’t just…throw me out, Scarlett,” he says, desperation in his voice. He swallows hard. “We’re…we’re going to have a baby together, I need to be here.”  
        “The baby’s not yours,” I say, and I’m astounded that I even found the courage to say it to him. And even worse, despite his hurt expression, I feel no remorse for telling him the truth. Not only am I free from the lies I’ve told, but I’ve reached the point of wanting to disappear from anyone who cares about me forever. Because the love I’ve felt as of late is suffocating.  
        “What?” he asks. “No, you’re…you’re lying. You said you were…”  
        “I said I was pregnant. I never said it was yours.” Sure, I feel no remorse for coming clean. But I feel guilty for hurting him. Because despite all the trouble he’s caused for me and the rest of the Minutemen, I do love him. Even if I can’t stand being in the same room as him anymore.  
        He says nothing while grabbing his bag to pack up the rest of his clothes. Only when he flings it over his shoulder does he speak. “I’ll be back to get Duncan’s things later. I’d appreciate if you weren’t here when I come back,” he says and then exits the room, slamming the door shut behind him. I wince at the sound.  
        And now I’m all alone. With Gage heading back to Nuka-World to plan his attack on the Minutemen, Macready finally learning the truth of my deceit, and Hancock being six feet under, I feel that any relationship or friendship I’ve valued since being out of the vault has just left me entirely. And I feel just as lonely as I did the first day I left the vault.  
        And even though I’m furious with Macready for acting on his own, dragging the Minutemen into a war we were never prepared to handle, I can’t blame him for the position I’m in right now.   All the pain I’ve felt since leaving the vault, it’s all because of the decisions I’ve made. I chose to take out the Institute, and now Shaun’s dead. I decided to give Paladin Danse a safe haven once  the Brotherhood abandoned him, and now Hancock’s dead. I decided to take out the Prydwen to avenge Hancock, and now we’re at war. I fell in love with a raider. A relationship I should have  known would never work out, and now we’re at war.  
        And I told Macready a slew of heartbreaking lies. Lies I could no longer keep inside of me, and in a moment of extreme anger and bitterness toward him, I decided to tell him everything I ever did that could hurt him. And now he’s gone too.  
        I was given a second chance at life and I destroyed it. And even the idea of pregnancy doesn’t make me happy anymore because I can’t help but feel I’ll be killed before I have the chance to bring her into the world. In this moment, I know it’s best to make moves and start planning out the defenses for Sanctuary and our other settlements throughout the Commonwealth. But the only thing I have the strength to do is sit on the edge of my bed and cry.


	8. Long Road Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After escaping Nuka-World and making her way back to Sanctuary, Scarlett tries to find some stability and happiness in her old life in an attempt to make up for the mistakes of her past and paint a brighter future for her family. But Porter Gage doesn't want to give her up so easily, and his desperation to win her back leads him to commit some heinous crimes.
> 
> *The pregnancy starts to take its toll on Scarlett.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry for the delay, but I do ask that you bear with me here. I work freelance as a filmmaker, so some times I'm unemployed and free to write all day every day. And other times I'm working twelve hours a day on set for weeks on end. I will finish the story, don't worry, and I do apologize for the wait. But I do ask that you bear with the strange schedule some times.
> 
> Now, to the story. You'll notice over the next few chapters there will be some major time jumps. I'm not trying to rush the story. I've had this planned since the beginning. I'm only trying to skip over the monotonous parts and get you back into the action. Because a lot of time passes in this story before something happens. It's just where I've decided to take it, and it's the only way it works.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

It’s been three months since the Minutemen’s attack on Concord. Two months of waiting on bated breath for an attack on one of our settlements. Our supply lines have been halted completely throughout the Commonwealth after yet another attack leaving no survivors. I am unsure if the Brotherhood is to blame, or if Gage and his raiders are slowly making their presence known in the Commonwealth.

He hasn’t written to me. Not that I expected him to. But the people under my command are waiting for me to make a call. To either focus our efforts on tracking down the last of the Brotherhood soldiers residing in the Commonwealth, or to send a team of Minutemen to Nuka-World and take out the raiders. Neither option seems viable. Because I’m not sure if we will be successful in our mission to eliminate our enemies. There are too many of them. Enemies that were once allies, and they have information about us that makes us an easy target.

Preston has made the command decision to have Minutemen from each settlement go out on patrol in an attempt to clear the areas surrounding our settlements of hostiles. But we keep losing people, and those lurking in the shadows remain faceless. Nameless entities hell-bent on destroying the Minutemen and everything we stand for. Is it the Brotherhood? The raiders? The question on everyone’s mind, and I no longer have any solutions.

It’s no secret that I’m pregnant now. I’m showing quite noticeably, and even though the people around me congratulate me, I see the disappointment in their eyes. Because now, I’m no good in a fight. I’m unfit for battle, and it’s something that seems to be fast approaching.

We’ve entered a war we are unprepared for, and my biggest concern now is the safety of our largest settlements. They’re the ones being targeted, and it makes perfect sense. Sanctuary Hills, Sunshine Tidings, Outpost Zimonja, Jamaica Plain, The Castle, and Warwick Homestead are our biggest concerns. And while they’re fully equipped to take care of themselves, we know they’re the biggest target. They’ve been cut-off from the smaller settlements surrounding them for safety, but in doing so, the smaller settlements are suffering.  
        “We need to start evacuating people,” I say in the Minutemen’s conference house.  
        “To where?” Preston asks.  
        “To the larger settlements nearby…”  
        “The one’s being targeted?” One of the Minutemen chime in. “You think it wise to move our people to the settlements that are first in line for an attack?”  
        “Those settlements have formidable defenses and more resources than any of the smaller settlements combined. Are people are going hungry. They are without medical care, without proper defenses now that the Minutemen have fled to protect the bigger ones. Leaving them in their settlements will surely condemn them to death.”  
        “Or it’ll cause even more casualties if they do decide to attack,” he snaps.  
        “What would you have me do?” I ask. “They need protection. Food, water, medical supplies. Without the supply lines, they won’t be getting those things.”  
        “We need to take them out, General,” he says, and I groan. Not this again.  
        “If we knew which faction was responsible, I would have made that call weeks ago. But the fact of the matter is, we don’t have enough resources or bodies to take on both of them.”  
        “The Brotherhood are weak,” Preston says. “Without the Prydwen and Elder Maxson making the calls, they’re operating in guerilla warfare…”  
        “Regardless,” I interrupt, “they still have access to technology that we could only wish to ever get our hands on. Power armor in great supply, energy weapons, vertibirds. They may be lacking the sort of backup that made them so intimidating before, but make no mistake that they are still a force to be reckoned with. A military doesn’t simply shut down because their leaders is gone. They have protocols, backup plans, extensive training that our men and the raiders would never be privy to. To dismiss them would be a very foolish thing to do.”  
        “We’re a military too, General,” one of the Minutemen say.  
        “We’re a militia. There’s a difference.”  
        Preston seems to agree, but it’s not the answer the Minutemen want. “Well then we set our sights on Nuka-World.”  
        “No…” I begin.  
        “So you just want to sit around waiting for another attack?” One of them accuses, and I can’t help but feel vulnerable about his inquiry. It’s not that I want to wait for another attack and then another until our biggest threat is revealed. It’s that I don’t know what else to do. Attacking Nuka-World would be a very stupid thing to do. We would need all the Minutemen at our disposal to even begin covering all the land therein, and it would leave our settlements open for an even greater attack from the Brotherhood. But it’s something they can’t seem to understand, and I’m growing weary having to explain it to them.  
        I feel a sharp pain in my core, causing me to groan and lean over in pain.  
        “I think we need to focus our efforts on the Brotherhood, General,” Preston says. “The raiders might have numbers, but they are just raiders. The most they have at their disposal are a team of grunts who can easily be taken out in combat.”  
        But another sharp pain causes me to wince. “Fine, Preston,” I say through clenched teeth. “Try to…try to get a team to gather some intel on their whereabouts. They have to be operating out of somewhere. Boston Airport, most likely.” I groan again at the pains getting worse. “It might be a good idea to contact Nick Valentine in Diamond City. If anyone can get sensitive information such as the whereabouts of the Brotherhood’s main post, it’s him.”  
        “Are you okay, General?” he asks, and I struggle to stand.  
        “I’m fine. I think I’ll just go see Curie in the medical bay. If you need me, that’s where I’ll be,” I say while waddling to the front door. Yes, waddling. I might not have showed very much in the early months, but the size of my belly now is debilitating.

I make my way to the medical bay, my hand over my stomach as I walk. And every now and then, a sharp pain causes me to become tense. And then I get the feeling someone is watching me. I look upward toward the eagle’s nest. Macready. My anger with him has subsided despite all the trouble he and the other Minutemen have caused as a result of their careless mistake. And for the past few weeks, I’ve gotten the feeling that he wishes to speak to me. As I wish to speak to him and apologize to my dear friend for all the pain I’ve caused.

He no longer looks at me with disdain, but sadness instead. But neither of us take that step with one another. Perhaps out of fear of being hurt again. Or maybe because there are more important things that require our attention. I expect he wants to make things right again at some point because when the opportunity came for he and Duncan to move to another settlement, he declined. And I can’t lie. I was happy to hear the news.

I walk into the medical bay, taking deep breaths as I do. “Miss Scarlett,” Curie begins, and the look of concern on her face doesn’t make me feel better about the condition in which I’ve walked into the house.  
        “Curie, I’m…having some pain.”  
        “Come, follow me,” she says while bringing her arms around me to escort me to the back of the house. She brings me into one of the rooms and has me lie on the bed. “What sort of pain are you experiencing?”  
        “Sharp pains. I thought it was…Braxton Hicks, but…I’m not so sure now.”  
        She lifts my shirt and starts palpating my stomach, a curious expression on her face. “Hmmm,” she hums, and it’s not the sort of reaction I wanted. She stands and grabs a dingy sheet from the cupboard behind her. “Disrobe, please. I’ll need to conduct a more thorough exam,” she says and then drapes the sheet over me.  
        I groan while removing my jeans. She puts on a glove and stands over me. I can’t help but wince and grip the edges of the bed at the feeling of her further examination. “Ow…that hurts.”  
        “I’m sorry, Scarlett. Just bear with me.”  
        I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. “Just as I thought. It’s a prolapsed cord, Miss Scarlett. I need to reposition the baby to take the pressure off the cord.”  
        I feel like I want to cry. “Okay,” I say through a heavy breath. “Just…hurry up and do it. I don’t want anything to happen to her.”  
        “This is going to be somewhat painful…”  
        “Just do it, Curie.” And painful it is. I almost start crying at the feeling of Curie turning the baby, but when she removes her hand from me, an overwhelming sense of relief comes over me. I take a deep breath and sit up again. “Do you think she’ll be all right?”  
        “I’m hoping for the best. We lack the medical equipment to properly monitor her, but the frequency of your checkups gives me hope that we caught it early enough. For now though, I’d like you to stay on bed rest.”  
        I scoff. It’s just not possible. “There’s no way I can accommodate that, Curie. We’re on the precipice of war…”  
        “For the safety of your child, I really hope you reconsider. This is a high risk pregnancy, Scarlett. And if you don’t properly care for yourself, your baby doesn’t stand a chance.”  
        Her words are disturbing, and I know she’s right. But the realization saddens me. The realization that if Sanctuary Hills becomes a major target for our enemies, my child won’t survive. Either because I’m stuck in bed and unable to properly defend myself. Or I decide to fight and risk miscarrying from the strain.

I return to my house and climb into bed after speaking with Codsworth about the ordeal. Because he’s really all I have to care for me. And even though he keeps himself busy caring for Shaun, his attention—whether I like it or not—will need to be shifted to me and the baby. And it’s moments like this where I long to have Macready back at my side.

The house has been quiet without Macready and Duncan, almost like a tomb. And mostly, Shaun spends his time away from the house, only returning for meals and bedtime. I’ve tried reaching out to my young son, but I’m not sure what to tell him. I know he’s angry with me about sending Macready away, but I feel it irresponsible to give him the details about our falling out. I started seeing my son less frequently since Macready moved out. And now that I’m on bedrest, I hardly see him at all.

I hardly ever leave the house. My meals are brought to me. Materials in which to clean myself because even the trek to the showers causes concern. And after three weeks of this, I start losing my mind. I can’t imagine any woman enjoying the idea of bedrest. But at least before the war, there were things to keep an expecting mother busy and entertained. Daytime television, books, her husband being at her beck and call. But now, all I have are a few crappy comic books and Gage’s love letters. Letters I refuse to read. Because for the first time since the two of us became involved, I feel distanced from him. Physically—of course—but emotionally as well.

Preston has all but taken charge of the Minutemen until I deliver, and a part of me is hoping he does so well in the position that even after I do deliver, he might consider staying in charge. Because I want nothing more than to retire at this point, though I’ll never say it aloud. Abandoning my sinking ship would be a very irresponsible thing to do. So for now, he’s running the Minutemen, and I’m hoping for the best possible outcome.

Three weeks on bedrest, and I’ve reduced myself to attempting to spend the time in unconsciousness. I sleep more than I should, and in getting too much sleep, I feel even more exhausted. So I sleep even more. It’s a vicious, but after a while, the days blend together. And everything just kind of feels like a blur.  
        A knock comes to the bedroom door one afternoon. “Mom?”  
        I pick up my head to see Shaun standing in the doorway, looking sad. “Hi baby,” I say quietly and rest my head back on the pillow again. Because even that small movement makes me tired.       “What’s the matter?”  
        He shrugs. “Are you okay? You’ve been sleeping a lot lately.”  
        I smile slightly. “I’m fine. I’m just really tired. Making a baby is hard work.”  
        “Can I feel your belly?” he asks, and my slight smile turns into a wide grin.  
        I nod. “Yeah, come here.” I lift up the covers and he climbs on the edge of the bed. When I lift up my shirt to reveal my stomach, he places his hand over the baby.  
        “Wow,” he says. “That’s cool.”  
        “It feels really cool when she moves.”  
        “You think it’s a girl?” he asks, and I nod. But he doesn’t seem convinced. His brown eyes move to my stomach again and he feels my tummy for a bit. “It’s a boy.”  
        What a strange thing to say, and he says it with such conviction. “How do you know?”  
        He shrugs. “I just have a feeling.” He removes his hand from my stomach, and I notice that he seems troubled. “It’s not Macready’s, is it?” he asks, disappointed.  
        I hesitate to shake my head. “No, baby.”  
        “Is that why he left? Because you’re having another man’s baby?”  
        I don’t even know where to begin, but I feel the complexities of my relationship with Macready are far beyond that of a ten-year-old. And furthermore, I find it irresponsible to tell my child all the things I’ve done wrong up to this point. “Did Macready tell you that?” I ask, and he shakes his head.  
        “No. He hasn’t said much about you. Sometimes he asks if you’re doing okay.”  
        “And what do you say?”  
        “I tell him you’re sad a lot.”  
        I narrow my eyes at him. It’s true, I am sad a lot. But it’s something I’ve tried to hide from my son, yet despite my efforts, he seems to know. He seems to know a lot of things that someone his age shouldn’t understand. “Why would you tell him that?”  
        “Because it makes him sad.”  
        “Why do you want him to be sad?”  
        He shrugs again and then sighs. “I don’t know. Maybe if you both realize how sad you are without each other, you’ll get back together.” He warms my heart, and I don’t have the strength to tell him that he’s going about things the wrong way. I bring my hand to the side of his face, but before I can even come up with some words of comfort, I hear the alarm sounding from outside. And a cold chill shoots up my spine.  
        “Oh my…” I climb out of bed and move to the window to see residents of Sanctuary Hills running to their homes while Minutemen flood to the front gate.  
        “What’s going on?” Shaun asks.  
        “Shaun, stay here. Don’t leave this room until I get back,” I say while running to the door. And the panic running through me is enough to snap me out of my hazy state of mind that I’ve been in for the past few weeks. I pass Codsworth in the kitchen.  
        “Mum, you really should stay in bed!”  
        “Go take care of Shaun,” I demand and run out of the house.

I’m not exactly sure what the plan is, but when I find myself in the midst of my Minutemen rushing to the gates of the settlement, I feel inclined to go with them. I feel inclined. But Macready’s voice from the eagle’s nest dominates all others. “Scarlett, get back inside!” he yells. I know I should.

My eyes dart to a Minuteman manning the artillery, and I feel sick at the sight. Because whoever is incoming, they pose a big enough threat for us to even consider using our artillery. It has to be the Brotherhood. Because the raiders surely wouldn’t need such a powerful method of combat. I start to run toward the man. Surely he can explain why we need so much power. But a firm grasp on my arm holds me back.  
        “Macready,” I breathe heavily at the sight of him, and the terror in his eyes allows the reality of the situation to really set in. Before he says anything though, a high-pitched sound being emitted from an unknown source comes souring toward us.  
        “Incoming!”  
        “Get down!” Macready shouts and pulls me to the ground. He covers me with his body, and seconds later, a violent explosion deafens me momentarily. I feel the heat from a fire on us. Scorching debris flying onto us, and only when I manage to pick my head up do I realize what’s happened. The artillery, completely destroyed from what I can only assume was a missile. And the Minuteman manning the post is no longer in sight.  
        “No…”  
        “Scarlett!” Macready yells, his voice echoed. I look to him. Dirt and scratches covering his face. He grabs my arm and pulls me upward. He starts ushering me through the settlement, and I know where he’s taking me. The cellar. And as much as I want to stay and fight, I know it’s the best place for me and my baby.  
        “Shaun!” I yell. “We have to get Shaun!”  
        “Go to the cellar! I’ll get Shaun!” he yells over the sounds of battle. He pushes me in the direction of our safe zone and then runs toward my house, but finding safety before my own son doesn’t sit well with me. And only when I see Macready and Shaun emerge from the house with Codsworth following behind, do I feel a bit of relief.

We enter the cellar, and the others hiding from the attack move aside to allow Shaun and I through. As soon as Macready enters, Duncan starts screaming for him—already in the care of one of the families therein. “It’s okay, bud,” Macready says in an attempt to soothe his young son, but even when Duncan reaches for him, Macready backs away. “Stay down here, Scarlett. Don’t come out until you know it’s safe,” he says, and I nod.  
        He heads for the exit again. “Macready!” I call after him, and he looks over his shoulder to me. “Be safe.”  
        He says nothing before disappearing out of the cellar, and the two Minutemen on guard exit behind him and bolt the doors shut once more. And then we wait. I’ve only ever been in the cellar a few times, and never had to spend much time down here. But it’s dark, stuffy. And it does a poor job of keeping the sound of fighting at bay. Sounds that torment the people hiding away. Children cry, parents attempt to comfort them. I realize in this moment that I much prefer being in battle. Because then I’m not left in mystery.

It feels like hours pass before the cellar doors open, and even that instills fear in me. Fear that our attackers somehow found our safe place. But when two Minutemen start motioning for people to exit, I feel somewhat relieved that we might live to see another day.

The damage done to Sanctuary though, it completely shrouds any bit of faith I had. Not only has our artillery been taken out, but our crops as well. And even though it seems we might have been victorious—or our attackers have retreated—I’m not sure Sanctuary will be able to recover from this. Not with our supply lines being down.  
        “Daddy!” Duncan yells, and the sound warms my heart. Even though Macready and I aren’t on good terms, seeing him emerge from the misty air soothes me. I’m so relieved he’s safe. He grabs Duncan and lifts him into his arms, and then his eyes settle on me. I want to tell him thank you. I want to tell him so many things, but the words never come. And then he just turns to walk away.

        “It was the raiders.”  
        I’m stunned, almost unconvinced to hear the news. And while sitting in one of the pews in the conference house, I almost feel the urge to cry. “That’s not possible,” I assure.  
        “Well, I don’t know what to tell you, Scarlett. Our men saw them outside of the settlement. No Brotherhood soldiers, just…raiders dressed like wild animals,” the Minuteman further informs me. Well, not me exactly. Preston, the new General, but I’ve become nosy. And it seems they’ve all taken to referring to me as Scarlett instead of General quite nicely.  
        But the detail about the raiders being dressed as wild animals, I can’t ignore. “It’s the pack,” I mutter to myself. “Seems they’ve gotten their hands on some missiles.”  
        “Homing missiles, I’d say. They blew up the artillery. They had to have had some advanced targeting system to pull that off,” a Minuteman says.  
        “Or they’re just really lucky,” Preston says.  
        “How did they even know about our artillery?” Another asks, and I cringe at the question. No, I’m not telling them shit. I’m in big enough trouble as it is, it seems. And the reasons, I feel, aren’t important. What is important is protecting the remaining bits of artillery throughout our settlements, though it’s no longer my call to make. But my heart aches at the realization that Gage has been reduced to fighting in such a way. And I can’t help but feel he’s trying to get me killed. Because why else would he order a missile to be launched in the heart of my settlement. This attack, it’s personal. Very personal.  
        “They may have caught wind of what happened to the Prydwen,” Preston says. “Either way, it’s become clear who our greatest threat is as of now. We aren’t sure what all the raiders have at their disposal, but we need to protect our other settlements. Sanctuary’s weak right now. The perfect target for another attack.”  
        “What are you saying?” a Minuteman asks.  
        “I’m saying that…I think it’s time we abandon our post. At least for now. Put as many bodies as we can at our other settlements so we can be better prepared for another attack. But  Sanctuary just won’t be able to sustain life with our supply lines being cut off and our food source being destroyed.” I couldn’t agree more, and when Preston glances at me, I give him an approving nod. “Now, I think it’s dangerous to move everyone at once. But we need to start getting people out to the other settlements. Sunshine Tidings, The Castle…the civilians will go first with Minutemen escorts. And last, any of the remaining Minutemen.”  
        “I don’t think you should send all the Minutemen away,” I say. “We need to keep some of our people here to hold down the fort, literally. We can’t have anyone else coming in and claiming this territory. Because as soon as the raiders are wiped out and our supply lines are back up, we’ll need to re-establish Sanctuary. It’s too important a post to abandon it completely.”  
        The Minutemen look to Preston for assurance, and he nods. “Good thinking.”  
        But my sharp pains return, only they’re much worse. “Ah…” I groan and hunch over.  
        “Are you okay?” Preston asks.  
        “I don’t know…I need…” a much more intense pain brings me to my knees, and I shout from the discomfort. I bring my hands between my legs to ease the pressure a bit, but my pants are wet. And when I look to my fingers and see blood smeared on the tips, I start to panic. “Preston…I need Curie…”  
        “Get Curie, now!” Preston orders one of the Minutemen. But even knowing she’s only a few houses down brings me no comfort. I’m miscarrying. I know I am.

I’m brought to the medical bay for an examination. I’m there all night. And only when Curie informs me that I’m not miscarrying do I even find enough peace to sleep. I don’t sleep for long though, and when I awake, Curie tells me that the baby is still in danger though. That me having been out of bed the previous day, practically being tackled to the ground from the explosion from the artillery, has put my pregnancy in a very delicate condition. More so than before. And I’m not sure what to do. “I can’t stay here,” I say quietly.  
        “Traveling would probably be the worst thing for you right now. Unless we can set up a bed in the back of a caravan,” Curie says, and I nod.  
        “Yeah. Yeah, we’ll…we’ll have to do that. Sanctuary is too weak right now. I need to get somewhere far away. Somewhere the raiders can’t get to me.”  
        “So, what? Sunshine Tidings? It’s the closest settlement,” Preston says.  
        I sigh. “No. Me being in another settlement makes them a target. For the Brotherhood and the raiders,” I say, and when Preston doesn’t reply, I take it as tacit agreement.  
        “Our scouts have stumbled upon a new location. We figured it might make a good place for a new settlement, but…maybe you should go there instead. Until you’re able to fight again. The less populated area you’re in, the better,” Preston says.  
        “Where is it?”  
        “On the coast. A place called Croup Manor.”  
        I nod. “Okay. We’ll need one of the caravans and a Brahmin.”  
        “Take two. And I’ll assign a few Minutemen to escort you out there…”  
        “No, Preston. You need as many as you can get,” I assure.  
        “I’m not about to send you across the Commonwealth without security. You’re still our General, Scarlett. Even if you need to step down for a while.”  
        “Fine,” I relent. “I’m taking Shaun and Codsworth with me, so…we might benefit from the added security…”  
        “I’m coming too,” Curie says. “You’re going to need me when it’s time to deliver.”  
        I divert my attention to Preston, unsure of how comfortable he is with me taking the best medical provider in Sanctuary with me. Even if Sanctuary is on the verge of an evacuation. But he only nods. “Okay. I’ll get everything together. You go home and get everything you need for the trip. It’ll be a long one, Scarlett. Maybe two days uninterrupted. The caravans don’t move very fast.”  
        “I’m aware.” Preston excuses himself from the medical bay after that. “Curie, grab everything you need for delivery. I have a feeling this baby isn’t going to wait for her due date. Not with everything that’s happened.”  
        “Oui, Madam.”

I leave the medical bay after that, exhausted despite having slept through the night. I’m saddened while walking through Sanctuary, seeing what my old home has been reduced to. Practically ruins, despite the gate surrounding the settlement still being fully functional. All around me, people try to repair as best they can while others prepare for the journey to their new homes. Some are going to Sunshine Tidings. Others, as far as The Castle. But they can no longer stay here. As I can no longer stay, and as much as I would love to accompany these people to their new settlements, I’ve become convinced that whatever settlement I go to will be targeted.

So for now, I need to disappear.

I enter the house and instruct Codsworth to prepare Shaun for the journey to Croup Manor, but my insistence that we need to leave is met with a significant amount of resistance from my young son. “We can’t just leave, mom! The Minutemen need us!” he yells as he follows me into my room.  
        “Yeah, well right now, the Minutemen will benefit greatly from me being as far away as possible. So go pack your things,” I say while grabbing a suitcase from the closet.  
        “I’m not going,” he says.  
        “Yes you are.”  
        “No, I’m not.”  
        “Shaun, please don’t argue with me right now,” I beg while grabbing handfuls of clothes and throwing them into my suitcase.  
        “This is bullshit,” he says, stunning me beyond belief. “You’re running away right now because you’re scared. These people need you, and you’re so quick to turn your back on them. It isn’t right!”  
        “Shaun!” I scream. “I can’t do this with you right now, just…go pack!”  
        “I’m not coming,” he says forcefully. “I’m staying here. With Macready.”  
        He hurts me, and a quivering breath escapes me. “Macready’s leaving too.”  
        “I’m going wherever he’s going. Not with you.”  
        And now, I can’t keep from crying. “Go pack your bags! You’re my son, goddammit, and you’re coming with me!” But Shaun only stands in my doorway, staring at me with such disdain that it breaks my heart. I can’t look at him. Not right now. I escort him out of my room and slam the door shut behind him. But even with him out of the room, I can’t focus on what needs to be done. He cut me to the core, and the only thing I have the strength to do is cry.

It’s late in the afternoon when I make it outside to the caravan being loaded with our supplies. I drop my bags next to the thing, and Minutemen start loading them in the back. I peer inside and see a mattress and blanket has been set up as well. As if I couldn’t feel even more pathetic, they’re really going to make me lie down the whole way. “Codsworth?” I call over my shoulder.      “Where’s Shaun?”  
        “He’ll be along shortly, mum,” he assures.  
        “Do you think it’s such a good idea to bring Dogmeat? We won’t be able to keep him quiet if we need to,” Curie says, and I look down to my pooch standing between my legs, staring up at me, panting.  
        “He’s coming. He was the first companion I ever had.” Shaun approaches and throws his bag to the ground. “Shaun, hand it to them, please.” He groans and picks up his bag to hand off to the Minutemen.  
        “Scarlett?” There’s too much happening. I groan and turn to meet eyes with Macready, and he seems concerned. “Are you leaving now?” I’m not sure what to say. I feel it’s obvious what I’m doing, and it only makes sense for us to say goodbye to one another. But I haven’t thought about what needs to be said. So I only nod. He looks to the Minutemen loading the caravan, considering something, it seems. “Let me come with you.”  
        I’m not sure I hear him correctly. “What? No, you…you can’t, Macready…”  
        “Please, Scarlett. Look, I know things didn’t end well with us, but I can’t just sit here on the sidelines while you travel across the Commonwealth eight months pregnant. Whatever differences we have, I’d like to just…set them aside for now. And help get you where you need to go.” I consider for a moment. Sure, having Macready would be a good thing. But I’m not sure if I can handle the stress. “I get it, you’re still angry with me. And I’m still…mad beyond belief with you. But…I guess I still consider you a friend. After all you did to help me…with the Gunners, getting Duncan’s cure. I think I’ll always see you as a friend. And now it’s my turn to help you,” he says, and he might just make me cry again.  
        “What about Duncan?”  
        “I’ll bring him along. I mean, we all have to start evacuating eventually. Might be good for him to be with Shaun and Codsworth,” he says.  
        “Please, mom?” I look at Shaun standing by my side, staring up at me with pleading eyes. And if I have any hope of my son ever forgiving me, I know I need to appease him. And like Macready said, we’re friends. Even if we’re pissed at each other.  
        “Okay,” I say.  
        A weak smile forms on his face. “All right. Just give me fifteen minutes to gather out things. We’ll meet you at the front gate.” He turns away from me to head back to his house. A house he’ll be leaving behind all for my benefit. I have to admit though, knowing Macready will be accompanying me to Croup Manor eases me somewhat.  
        “General?” one of the Minutemen loading our supplies speaks. “Will you be requiring your power armor?” He called me General. Strange because they haven’t referred to me as such in a while. But even stranger, why would I need my power armor? It’s not like I can fit inside anymore. Not with this giant belly.  
        I shake my head. “No, that’s all right.”  
        “You should bring it, mom,” Shaun says.  
        I sigh and kneel down in front of him. “Are you going to just keep demanding things of me until you feel you can forgive me?”  
        “It’s a bad idea to leave it behind. One of the raiders could get to it.”  
        “It’s heavy, Shaun. It’ll take up too much space and slow us down a lot.”  
        “But it might come in handy too.”  
        I sigh. He’s going to fight me on everything on this trip, I just know he is. I stand and nod to the Minuteman. “Yes, we’ll be taking the power armor. But I believe there’s only one fusion core, so we’ll have to secure it to the back of the caravan until we get close enough to where someone can wear the thing.”  
        “Yes, ma’am,” he says and then runs off to gather my power armor.  
        By the time we’re ready to leave Sanctuary, the sun has started to set. Our caravan is pulled by two Brahmin. One of the Minuteman escorts and Curie walk beside them, guiding them while I lie in the back with Duncan and Shaun. Codsworth, Macready, Dogmeat, and the other Minutemen, they follow behind. A rather large group, one that’ll call the attention of anyone we may pass along the way. But the likelihood of us coming out victorious in an attack seems to be in our favor this time.  
        With the other caravans, they only had one or two people along for the ride. Now, I pity the person who attempts to take out our caravan. With a suit of power armor, a footlocker loaded with extra weapons and ammunition, four Minutemen, one mercenary, two synths, an attack dog, and a Mr. Handy…well, it’d be a very stupid thing to do.


End file.
